Jul 27, 2012 22:17
Common Diction of My Super Delinq Trailer Mortgage People. Translations created by a good friend and slam poet: Lane S.
Her Gone - She is currently unavailableWho dis is? - May I ask who I'm speaking with?
My phone fell in some water - 1. My phone was disconnected due to lack of payment. 2. My phone was crushed during domestic dispute. 3. I dropped my phone into the toilet during meth induced stupor. 4. My phone is active and I chose not to answer it. (see also, "I got a new phone number")
I was in the hospital - I was in drug rehab
What had happened was - My reason for delinquency is.
Can I get my payoff - I am horrible with money and have zero foresight.
The money in there, it must be a problem with the bank. - I just put the money in there
It was a problem with the bank. - It was a problem with my banking skills.
I work a lot of crazy hours - I watch a lot of "America's Craziest Swamp Loggers" for hours.
I'm doing the best I can. - I own the nicest car and rent-to-own furniture my paycheck will allow.
You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip - It is difficult to acquire a substance from an item which does not contain afforementioned substance.
The next payment will be on the due date - 1. The next payment will be the exact same way this one was. 2. Much like the original contract, I wish to make a promise I have no intentions of keeping.
I put it in the mail. - I forgot to put it in the mail, and may or may not put it in the mail soon.
I only send moneygrams, I don't trust banks. - I clearly have no understanding of the financial mechanics of the modern world. Supplementally while I find your 2 dollar tax escrow increase deplorable, I openly accept the 8.50-13.50 wiring charges every month.
I called and no one picked up. - My inability to manage my time is now your problem.
What had happened was - My reason for delinquency is.
Can I get my payoff - I am horrible with money and have zero foresight.
The money in there, it must be a problem with the bank. - I just put the money in there
It was a problem with the bank. - It was a problem with my banking skills.
I work a lot of crazy hours - I watch a lot of "America's Craziest Swamp Loggers" for hours.
I'm doing the best I can. - I own the nicest car and rent-to-own furniture my paycheck will allow.
I got real sick - I got real high.
I only send moneygrams, I don't trust banks. - I clearly have no understanding of the financial mechanics of the modern world. Supplementally while I find your 2 dollar tax escrow increase deplorable, I openly accept the 8.50-13.50 wiring charges every month.
My car broke down and I had to fix it. - I determined my rims were too small.
I don't have the money because they screwed up my check - I received the check and proceeded to screw up the money.
life,
hilarious