Fic: Lady Catherine comes to Camelot (Merlin/Arthur)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Warnings: None
Wordcount: 3,400 words.
Notes: Written for the brilliant kinkmeme prompt "Lady Catherine de Bourgh confronts Merlin about his upstart pretentions regarding her nephew." The original prompt is here. People were kind enough to leave some nice comments about it, so I thought I would repost it at my journal!
Lady Catherine is, of course, Mr Darcy's rather terrifying aunt from the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I think my Lady Catherine is probably a more distant relative though - that Uther saw once at his wedding and fervently hoped never to see again!!
Written in two parts, because I originally didn't think I would have time to do an actual Lady Catherine confrontation. Huge thanks to vensre for not only telling me about the prompt, but beta-reading the finished products as well. :)
Part I - In which Merlin gets the best seat in the house.
Merlin had his face pressed as close to the grille as he could without actually falling face first into the Great Hall. It was possible his skin would be latticed for days to come. But frankly, it was worth it.
"Your hall is not at all as I was expecting," came the loud and disparaging tones of the King's new, and not terribly popular, guest. "The hall at Rosings Castle is quite twice the size, although your table, I'll own, is well enough." She cast a critical eye over the long table, heaving with dishes, before taking a small sip of her soup and pursing her lips. "Not bad. A little salty, but passable."
"You are too kind my lady," said the King, looking down at his own soup like he was quite tempted to drown himself in it. "How long did you say you would be staying, Lady Catherine?"
"I would hope not more than a few days, though with your roads as shocking as they are, it may well be longer." The King took a hearty swig of his wine goblet. "I should have known the light carriage would never do. Had I brought the barouche box, this would never have happened!"
"Perhaps a broomstick would have been better," Merlin heard Morgana say lowly, in an aside to Gwen.
"What was that?" barked Lady Catherine, "Speak up gel!"
"I said perhaps the barouche would indeed have been better," said Morgana loudly, while Gwen ducked quickly behind a pillar to snort into her apron.
"Exactly so!" said Lady Catherine, then glared at the small part of Gwen still visible, "Is there something amiss with your handmaiden?"
"No my lady," said Morgana at once, "She is merely unused to being in such exalted company."
Merlin thought that might have been laying it on a bit thick, but apparently Lady Catherine thought it no more than her due. "She need not hide on my account," said Lady Catherine graciously. Morgana looked vaguely impressed. "I make it my firm rule never to notice servants." Morgana looked less impressed.
"And where is your son?" said Lady Catherine, turning suddenly back to the King who had dared to take a large mouthful of soup and had to choke briefly before answering.
"He is," a cough, "he is still on patrol, my lady."
"On patrol?" said Lady Catherine, as if she had never heard of such a thing, "At this hour?"
"The burdens of state are heavy, Lady Catherine, but Arthur is a great-"
"Humph," said Lady Catherine eloquently. Merlin bit the inside of his mouth, hard. "You must take care not to grow lax, Your Majesty!"
"I assure you, Lady Catherine, I am most certainly-"
"I have never ruled a Kingdom myself, of course," announced Lady Catherine. Merlin, and indeed everyone else, waited with bated breath. "But if I had, I'm sure I should have been a true proficient!"
It was at this promising juncture that Merlin heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, very pointedly, behind him, and he dragged his attention away, rather reluctantly it must be said, to find Arthur - a rather grumpy looking, grubby and very wet Arthur - staring at him, arms folded.
"Oh there you are," whispered Merlin, as if Arthur finding him kneeling on the floor with his face pressed to a metal grille was a perfectly normal occurrence, "I wouldn't go in there if I were you!"
"Eavesdropping again, are we Merlin?" replied the Prince, ignoring him, "What did I say about that?"
"That I should try not to get caught?" answered Merlin, with a winning smile.
"Not quite," said Arthur. A bit of brown water trailed down his cheek and Merlin pulled a face.
"You might want to get changed before you see your father, he's got-"
"Yes, thank you Merlin," snapped Arthur irritably, "If I want your opinion... Actually, I don't think I'll ever want your opinion."
Merlin stuck his tongue out.
"And for that," said Arthur, "You can go and fetch me a bath, and make it hot this time - I don't care how many trips it takes." Merlin glowered, as Arthur added, "I think I'll change before I join my father," as if the idea had only just occurred to him.
"On second thought," said Merlin, standing up, "I've suddenly remembered that your father sent someone to look for you, not five minutes ago." Arthur looked surprised. "You should probably hurry," added Merlin, encouragingly.
Arthur gave him a suspicious look, but Merlin had been practicing his expression of limpid innocence for just such an occasion.
"Very well," said Arthur after a moment, "but I"ll want a bath afterwards!"
"Of course, sire," said Merlin with a bow.
Arthur gave him another suspicious look before he stalked off down the stairs towards the doors to the Great Hall.
Merlin took one step, then two, then three. Then he took three more - for plausible deniability - before he heard the doors to the Great Hall slam shut, and then he waited an entire second and a half before he tore back along the corridor and nearly concussed himself on the wall, trying to get back to his vantage point on the flagstones.
"And who is this?" came Lady Catherine's dulcet tones, fairly ringing with disapproval.
Merlin grinned. It seemed he was just in time.
Part II - In which Merlin meets Lady Catherine.
Merlin thought he'd been doing pretty well avoiding Arthur so far. Ever since the Prince had burst out of the Great Hall the previous evening - after the most entertaining hour of Merlin's life - and bellowed his name, Merlin had made the executive decision to make himself scarce.
But now, it seemed, he'd been caught fair and square. Really, he should have known better than to take a short cut through the stables, but he'd been doing so well all day and it wasn't as if members of the royal family were known for lurking in the outbuildings in the middle of the afternoon. As it was, he'd been so busy walking backwards and keeping one eye on the doorway and the training field beyond that he'd completely failed to notice Arthur leaning casually against the wall behind him, until he'd backed straight into him and quite possibly lost several years of his life in the process.
"Ow!" Merlin said pointedly, since Arthur was practically sitting on him.
The Prince leaned down further. "What was that Merlin? I'm very sorry I tricked you and I would love to spend the week cleaning out the chamber pots?"
Merlin spat out some straw. "Really Arthur, I think you're taking this whole thing way too seriously. I could have sworn your father had sent-"
Arthur sat on him a little more.
"All right, all right," said Merlin hastily, "It's possible I exaggerated the tiniest bit." Arthur eased back a fraction and Merlin used the opportunity to wriggle on to his back and smirk, "But it was definitely worth it." Then he yelped as Arthur grabbed a handful of dirty straw and rubbed it in his hair, while Merlin tried to push him off and get away at the same time, laughing and breathless.
He had just managed to crawl out from under Arthur and was in the process of untangling their legs when his heart actually stopped. Or possibly it just felt as though it had as Lady Catherine chose that very moment to loom out of the shadows by the stable door like the Grim Reaper.
Merlin made a noise that was most definitely not a squeak and scrambled up.
"What is the meaning of this outrageous behaviour?" said Lady Catherine, sounding as though she were about to suffer an apoplexy.
"Lady Catherine!" said Arthur, sounding horrified and struggling to his feet, "I was just- er-"
"I can see very well," snapped Lady Catherine, eyes going from Arthur to Merlin and back again. Whatever she saw there caused her mouth to thin alarmingly.
"You... can?" said Arthur, trying to subtly brush the straw off his tunic.
"Although I had hardly expected so brazen an act!"
Merlin hoped this wasn't about the piece of dung he could see stuck on Arthur's tunic.
"You!" declared Lady Catherine, disabusing Merlin of that notion as her gaze moved terrifyingly to his (hopefully innocent looking) face. Merlin blinked. "You, boy, have designs upon your master!"
There was a short silence, as Lady Catherine glared at Merlin, Merlin stared at Lady Catherine, and Arthur - who had just discovered the dung - stopped trying to get it off with a piece of straw and stared at both of them.
Then Merlin burst out laughing.
He managed at least five seconds of laughter before he realised two things. One, Lady Catherine was still glaring at him - meaning her words were not, in fact, a joke. Two, Arthur was glaring at him as well, and looking strangely hurt. Oops. He sobered abruptly.
"You find this amusing do you?" asked Lady Catherine in a glacial tone.
"Er, no," said Merlin, adopting the kind of sombre expression he reserved for when Arthur announced they couldn't possibly go hunting in such terrible weather, "Of course not, my lady."
Lady Catherine's eyes narrowed. "Don't think I haven't been watching you, boy. Spying on your master! Sneaking around the castle all day and then hiding in the stables to waylay him."
"Actually," began Merlin, "I was-"
"I will not be interrupted!" snapped Lady Catherine. "I suppose you think by your arts and allurements to win yourself the ear of a Prince!"
"I don't want his ear!" protested Merlin immediately.
"And you," Lady Catherine turned to Arthur, "To encourage such wanton behaviour!"
"I assure you," said Arthur, flushing slightly, "Merlin was just-"
"You should know better!" went on Lady Catherine, "And show a better regard for your position than to neglect your duties for sport."
"Arthur would never neglect his duties!" said Merlin indignantly, before he could stop himself.
"Shut up, idiot," hissed Arthur, but Merlin was most certainly not going to shut up.
"Well you wouldn't," he said stoutly. He looked back at their guest. "He was just disciplining-" Lady Catherine looked like she might faint. "Er, I mean, reprimanding me."
"In the stables?" said Lady Catherine, scandalized. "Are the shades of Camelot to be thus polluted? That you should behave with such a complete lack of decorum as to tumble servant boys in the stables," she stopped, as if for a moment words had simply failed her, before she finished with a final, "What would your mother think?"
Arthur looked like he'd been slapped.
And really, that was about as much as Merlin was going to take.
"Lady Catherine," he heard himself say loudly, "I'm sure Arthur could tumble me wherever and whenever he wishes and be no less a Prince for it!" To say Arthur looked taken aback at this pronouncement would have been an understatement, but Merlin ploughed onwards regardless. "And as for his mother - she would be proud to have such a son as Arthur, and care more for his happiness than his rank, as we all do!"
Lady Catherine made a derisive sound. "Of course you would say so! You hope to gain yourself a rich prize."
"Lady Catherine," put in Arthur, "Really you've got-"
"I would hope to gain Arthur," declared Merlin, completely ignoring him. "That would be more than enough for me, Prince or no." He thought that had come out quite well, even if he did say so himself.
"You are no more than a peasant!" said Lady Catherine, looking at Merlin like he was something she might find on the stable floor, while Arthur merely gaped at him. "Do not think me ignorant of your background, boy."
Merlin lifted his chin. "If Arthur does not object to it, then it can be nothing to you!"
"So you admit it then?" said Lady Catherine, flashing a triumphant look at Arthur.
"I admit no such thing," said Merlin, "And I don't have to tell you anything."
Lady Catherine mottled alarmingly. "How dare you? Never have I been spoken to in such a-"
"Well that's too bad," said Merlin, deciding that he might as well go for it, as he'd gotten this far. "Because let me tell you that-"
Unfortunately, the rest of his (really very impressive and devastating) point got lost when a warm and calloused palm suddenly clamped over his mouth, dragging him back against a firm chest and causing the remainder of his sentence to come out as "mmmff mmf MMMFF mmmff mff!"
"I must apologise for my manservant, my lady," came Arthur's voice, not sounding all that apologetic in Merlin's opinion. "He suffers from a grave... er, mental affliction." Merlin glared at him as best he could. "It makes him say very stupid things." Merlin stamped on his foot. "Mostly we keep him around for the entertainment," Arthur finished, with a wince.
Lady Catherine's mouth tightened as she stared at Arthur. "You may think me a fool," she said at last, "but let me assure you I am not! And I see what is going on here very clearly."
"Mmmff mmff!" said Merlin, emphatically. Arthur's hand tightened.
"I will not be spoken to in such a way! And by a servant."
"Really, Lady Catherine, this has all been a terrible misunderstanding." Arthur said, earnestly. "For which Merlin will be apologising, at length and on his knees if necessary, once I've decided on a suitable punishment. And once he's, er, been to see the court physician of course."
Merlin briefly considered biting his hand, but Lady Catherine had at least stopped gripping her cane like she was going to smack Merlin over the head with it.
"You had better hope it is a misunderstanding," said Lady Catherine, fixing Merlin with a glare even more terrifying than her last one, "You may be innocent to the wiles of the servant class, but I am not!"
"I think I may promise you never to fall for Merlin's wiles," said Arthur, sounding superbly disdainful of the very idea, "should he ever be misguided enough to try any."
Lady Catherine looked suspiciously from one to the other for a long moment. Merlin thought he better try looking mentally afflicted and went cross-eyed. This seemed to convince her far more than Arthur's words had done, if her alarmed expression was anything to go by.
"I will be watching you both!" she said at last, "And I shall be telling your father about your manservant's behaviour, you may be assured of that!"
"Of course, my lady." Arthur bowed his head respectfully as with a final look the lady swept away, radiating disapproval and taking several bits of straw with her.
Arthur removed his hand from Merlin's mouth. There was a short silence, then,
"You would so fall for my wiles," said Merlin, crossing his arms with a pointed look, and receiving a cuff round the head for his trouble. "Ow! What was that for?"
"You are such an idiot," said Arthur.
"I was defending you!" replied Merlin, indignant.
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Well forgive me if next time I forgo your services. I hope you realise you really will have to apologise to Lady Catherine. And be sincere about it."
Merlin pulled a face before he asked - slightly nervously now Arthur had brought it up - "You don't think your father's going to have me killed and stuffed do you?"
Arthur snorted. "He'll probably want to erect a statue to you in the courtyard." Merlin gave him a look. "Oh stop worrying, Merlin. I'll explain about the, er, misunderstanding, and you'll apologise and clean some chamberpots, and it'll all blow over."
Merlin felt a little better.
"Unless it doesn't," went on Arthur, because he was heartless, "In which case we'll have to send you back to Rosings Castle with her until she feels you're suitably contrite."
Merlin stared at him in a kind of frozen horror, until Arthur grinned and Merlin's lungs decided to start working again.
"And as for your wiles, or lack thereof," Arthur continued, looking entirely too pleased with himself. "I hardly need to fall for them, since I can apparently tumble you wherever and whenever I please."
Merlin threw a bit of straw at him. "That was hypothetical, you ass."
"Was it really?" said Arthur, with an insufferable smirk. Merlin felt a traitorous flush creeping up his neck.
He sniffed instead. "You would have to start being a bit nicer to me, before there was any tumbling of any kind."
"I see," said Arthur, standing aside with a mocking flourish to let Merlin precede him out of the stables.
"No more of this putting me in the stocks business, or sending me off to slave for terrifying noblewomen." Merlin went on, as they crossed the yard. Arthur nodded thoughtfully, his eyes amused. Merlin pretended to give it some more thought. "And I would want breakfast," he decided.
Arthur raised an eyebrow. "I thought I would be enough all by myself?"
The flush reached Merlin's ears, but he replied with an airy wave of his hand. "Well, I think breakfast would be a very small reward for putting up with you all night as well."
There was a slight moment of horror as soon as the words left his mouth and Merlin's brain caught up and realised he had, in fact, actually said them. And then helpfully supplied a number of hazy, soft focus images to accompany the notion of 'putting up with Arthur all night' that Merlin could really have done without.
"Er..." he said, frozen at the threshold of the castle and staring at Arthur, who grinned like the smug prat he was and gave him an openly speculative look.
"Well then, Merlin, I suppose I'd best leave you to make yourself presentable, if you think you can manage without my presence for a few hours." Merlin resisted the urge to stick out his tongue this time, since Arthur still had to save him from a life of servitude with Lady Catherine. Then Arthur looked him up and down, and added, "And I'll expect you in my chambers tonight," and Merlin forgot all about her.
"What?" It was possible his voice had come out embarrassingly squeaky.
Arthur blinked at him, innocently, "To dress me for the feast of course. Had you forgotten?"
"Oh!" said Merlin, trying to calm his wildly thumping heart, "The feast! Of course, yes, I will be there. To get you ready, I mean. For the feast. I like feasts." He stopped talking.
Arthur's grin became a little softer, and possibly a little more fond, and he ruffled Merlin's hair as they headed inside. "So I've noticed. And thank you, by the way." Merlin looked confused as Arthur paused and looked at him, slightly awkward. "For your completely inappropriate defence I mean."
Merlin decided to take that as a compliment, albeit a very Arthur one. "You're welcome."
They passed into the entrance hall and Arthur turned for the main stairs, Merlin for Gaius's quarters where he planned to hide for the rest of the day, lest Lady Catherine change her mind about murdering him. "Oh, and Merlin?" called Arthur. Merlin turned to see Arthur walking backwards towards the staircase, eyes on him, "You'd best come early tonight."
"Alright?" said Merlin, with a slight shrug, wondering what he was missing.
"So we can discuss your new duties," finished Arthur, with a quirk of his eyebrows.
Merlin opened and closed his mouth. "Wait - my what?"
But Arthur just laughed at him and took the stairs two at a time, leaving Merlin standing alone in the hall and wondering if a life of servitude with Lady Catherine was so bad a prospect after all.
The End.
Constructive criticism always welcome!!
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Warnings: None
Wordcount: 3,400 words.
Notes: Written for the brilliant kinkmeme prompt "Lady Catherine de Bourgh confronts Merlin about his upstart pretentions regarding her nephew." The original prompt is here. People were kind enough to leave some nice comments about it, so I thought I would repost it at my journal!
Lady Catherine is, of course, Mr Darcy's rather terrifying aunt from the novel Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I think my Lady Catherine is probably a more distant relative though - that Uther saw once at his wedding and fervently hoped never to see again!!
Written in two parts, because I originally didn't think I would have time to do an actual Lady Catherine confrontation. Huge thanks to vensre for not only telling me about the prompt, but beta-reading the finished products as well. :)
Part I - In which Merlin gets the best seat in the house.
Merlin had his face pressed as close to the grille as he could without actually falling face first into the Great Hall. It was possible his skin would be latticed for days to come. But frankly, it was worth it.
"Your hall is not at all as I was expecting," came the loud and disparaging tones of the King's new, and not terribly popular, guest. "The hall at Rosings Castle is quite twice the size, although your table, I'll own, is well enough." She cast a critical eye over the long table, heaving with dishes, before taking a small sip of her soup and pursing her lips. "Not bad. A little salty, but passable."
"You are too kind my lady," said the King, looking down at his own soup like he was quite tempted to drown himself in it. "How long did you say you would be staying, Lady Catherine?"
"I would hope not more than a few days, though with your roads as shocking as they are, it may well be longer." The King took a hearty swig of his wine goblet. "I should have known the light carriage would never do. Had I brought the barouche box, this would never have happened!"
"Perhaps a broomstick would have been better," Merlin heard Morgana say lowly, in an aside to Gwen.
"What was that?" barked Lady Catherine, "Speak up gel!"
"I said perhaps the barouche would indeed have been better," said Morgana loudly, while Gwen ducked quickly behind a pillar to snort into her apron.
"Exactly so!" said Lady Catherine, then glared at the small part of Gwen still visible, "Is there something amiss with your handmaiden?"
"No my lady," said Morgana at once, "She is merely unused to being in such exalted company."
Merlin thought that might have been laying it on a bit thick, but apparently Lady Catherine thought it no more than her due. "She need not hide on my account," said Lady Catherine graciously. Morgana looked vaguely impressed. "I make it my firm rule never to notice servants." Morgana looked less impressed.
"And where is your son?" said Lady Catherine, turning suddenly back to the King who had dared to take a large mouthful of soup and had to choke briefly before answering.
"He is," a cough, "he is still on patrol, my lady."
"On patrol?" said Lady Catherine, as if she had never heard of such a thing, "At this hour?"
"The burdens of state are heavy, Lady Catherine, but Arthur is a great-"
"Humph," said Lady Catherine eloquently. Merlin bit the inside of his mouth, hard. "You must take care not to grow lax, Your Majesty!"
"I assure you, Lady Catherine, I am most certainly-"
"I have never ruled a Kingdom myself, of course," announced Lady Catherine. Merlin, and indeed everyone else, waited with bated breath. "But if I had, I'm sure I should have been a true proficient!"
It was at this promising juncture that Merlin heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, very pointedly, behind him, and he dragged his attention away, rather reluctantly it must be said, to find Arthur - a rather grumpy looking, grubby and very wet Arthur - staring at him, arms folded.
"Oh there you are," whispered Merlin, as if Arthur finding him kneeling on the floor with his face pressed to a metal grille was a perfectly normal occurrence, "I wouldn't go in there if I were you!"
"Eavesdropping again, are we Merlin?" replied the Prince, ignoring him, "What did I say about that?"
"That I should try not to get caught?" answered Merlin, with a winning smile.
"Not quite," said Arthur. A bit of brown water trailed down his cheek and Merlin pulled a face.
"You might want to get changed before you see your father, he's got-"
"Yes, thank you Merlin," snapped Arthur irritably, "If I want your opinion... Actually, I don't think I'll ever want your opinion."
Merlin stuck his tongue out.
"And for that," said Arthur, "You can go and fetch me a bath, and make it hot this time - I don't care how many trips it takes." Merlin glowered, as Arthur added, "I think I'll change before I join my father," as if the idea had only just occurred to him.
"On second thought," said Merlin, standing up, "I've suddenly remembered that your father sent someone to look for you, not five minutes ago." Arthur looked surprised. "You should probably hurry," added Merlin, encouragingly.
Arthur gave him a suspicious look, but Merlin had been practicing his expression of limpid innocence for just such an occasion.
"Very well," said Arthur after a moment, "but I"ll want a bath afterwards!"
"Of course, sire," said Merlin with a bow.
Arthur gave him another suspicious look before he stalked off down the stairs towards the doors to the Great Hall.
Merlin took one step, then two, then three. Then he took three more - for plausible deniability - before he heard the doors to the Great Hall slam shut, and then he waited an entire second and a half before he tore back along the corridor and nearly concussed himself on the wall, trying to get back to his vantage point on the flagstones.
"And who is this?" came Lady Catherine's dulcet tones, fairly ringing with disapproval.
Merlin grinned. It seemed he was just in time.
Part II - In which Merlin meets Lady Catherine.
Merlin thought he'd been doing pretty well avoiding Arthur so far. Ever since the Prince had burst out of the Great Hall the previous evening - after the most entertaining hour of Merlin's life - and bellowed his name, Merlin had made the executive decision to make himself scarce.
But now, it seemed, he'd been caught fair and square. Really, he should have known better than to take a short cut through the stables, but he'd been doing so well all day and it wasn't as if members of the royal family were known for lurking in the outbuildings in the middle of the afternoon. As it was, he'd been so busy walking backwards and keeping one eye on the doorway and the training field beyond that he'd completely failed to notice Arthur leaning casually against the wall behind him, until he'd backed straight into him and quite possibly lost several years of his life in the process.
"Ow!" Merlin said pointedly, since Arthur was practically sitting on him.
The Prince leaned down further. "What was that Merlin? I'm very sorry I tricked you and I would love to spend the week cleaning out the chamber pots?"
Merlin spat out some straw. "Really Arthur, I think you're taking this whole thing way too seriously. I could have sworn your father had sent-"
Arthur sat on him a little more.
"All right, all right," said Merlin hastily, "It's possible I exaggerated the tiniest bit." Arthur eased back a fraction and Merlin used the opportunity to wriggle on to his back and smirk, "But it was definitely worth it." Then he yelped as Arthur grabbed a handful of dirty straw and rubbed it in his hair, while Merlin tried to push him off and get away at the same time, laughing and breathless.
He had just managed to crawl out from under Arthur and was in the process of untangling their legs when his heart actually stopped. Or possibly it just felt as though it had as Lady Catherine chose that very moment to loom out of the shadows by the stable door like the Grim Reaper.
Merlin made a noise that was most definitely not a squeak and scrambled up.
"What is the meaning of this outrageous behaviour?" said Lady Catherine, sounding as though she were about to suffer an apoplexy.
"Lady Catherine!" said Arthur, sounding horrified and struggling to his feet, "I was just- er-"
"I can see very well," snapped Lady Catherine, eyes going from Arthur to Merlin and back again. Whatever she saw there caused her mouth to thin alarmingly.
"You... can?" said Arthur, trying to subtly brush the straw off his tunic.
"Although I had hardly expected so brazen an act!"
Merlin hoped this wasn't about the piece of dung he could see stuck on Arthur's tunic.
"You!" declared Lady Catherine, disabusing Merlin of that notion as her gaze moved terrifyingly to his (hopefully innocent looking) face. Merlin blinked. "You, boy, have designs upon your master!"
There was a short silence, as Lady Catherine glared at Merlin, Merlin stared at Lady Catherine, and Arthur - who had just discovered the dung - stopped trying to get it off with a piece of straw and stared at both of them.
Then Merlin burst out laughing.
He managed at least five seconds of laughter before he realised two things. One, Lady Catherine was still glaring at him - meaning her words were not, in fact, a joke. Two, Arthur was glaring at him as well, and looking strangely hurt. Oops. He sobered abruptly.
"You find this amusing do you?" asked Lady Catherine in a glacial tone.
"Er, no," said Merlin, adopting the kind of sombre expression he reserved for when Arthur announced they couldn't possibly go hunting in such terrible weather, "Of course not, my lady."
Lady Catherine's eyes narrowed. "Don't think I haven't been watching you, boy. Spying on your master! Sneaking around the castle all day and then hiding in the stables to waylay him."
"Actually," began Merlin, "I was-"
"I will not be interrupted!" snapped Lady Catherine. "I suppose you think by your arts and allurements to win yourself the ear of a Prince!"
"I don't want his ear!" protested Merlin immediately.
"And you," Lady Catherine turned to Arthur, "To encourage such wanton behaviour!"
"I assure you," said Arthur, flushing slightly, "Merlin was just-"
"You should know better!" went on Lady Catherine, "And show a better regard for your position than to neglect your duties for sport."
"Arthur would never neglect his duties!" said Merlin indignantly, before he could stop himself.
"Shut up, idiot," hissed Arthur, but Merlin was most certainly not going to shut up.
"Well you wouldn't," he said stoutly. He looked back at their guest. "He was just disciplining-" Lady Catherine looked like she might faint. "Er, I mean, reprimanding me."
"In the stables?" said Lady Catherine, scandalized. "Are the shades of Camelot to be thus polluted? That you should behave with such a complete lack of decorum as to tumble servant boys in the stables," she stopped, as if for a moment words had simply failed her, before she finished with a final, "What would your mother think?"
Arthur looked like he'd been slapped.
And really, that was about as much as Merlin was going to take.
"Lady Catherine," he heard himself say loudly, "I'm sure Arthur could tumble me wherever and whenever he wishes and be no less a Prince for it!" To say Arthur looked taken aback at this pronouncement would have been an understatement, but Merlin ploughed onwards regardless. "And as for his mother - she would be proud to have such a son as Arthur, and care more for his happiness than his rank, as we all do!"
Lady Catherine made a derisive sound. "Of course you would say so! You hope to gain yourself a rich prize."
"Lady Catherine," put in Arthur, "Really you've got-"
"I would hope to gain Arthur," declared Merlin, completely ignoring him. "That would be more than enough for me, Prince or no." He thought that had come out quite well, even if he did say so himself.
"You are no more than a peasant!" said Lady Catherine, looking at Merlin like he was something she might find on the stable floor, while Arthur merely gaped at him. "Do not think me ignorant of your background, boy."
Merlin lifted his chin. "If Arthur does not object to it, then it can be nothing to you!"
"So you admit it then?" said Lady Catherine, flashing a triumphant look at Arthur.
"I admit no such thing," said Merlin, "And I don't have to tell you anything."
Lady Catherine mottled alarmingly. "How dare you? Never have I been spoken to in such a-"
"Well that's too bad," said Merlin, deciding that he might as well go for it, as he'd gotten this far. "Because let me tell you that-"
Unfortunately, the rest of his (really very impressive and devastating) point got lost when a warm and calloused palm suddenly clamped over his mouth, dragging him back against a firm chest and causing the remainder of his sentence to come out as "mmmff mmf MMMFF mmmff mff!"
"I must apologise for my manservant, my lady," came Arthur's voice, not sounding all that apologetic in Merlin's opinion. "He suffers from a grave... er, mental affliction." Merlin glared at him as best he could. "It makes him say very stupid things." Merlin stamped on his foot. "Mostly we keep him around for the entertainment," Arthur finished, with a wince.
Lady Catherine's mouth tightened as she stared at Arthur. "You may think me a fool," she said at last, "but let me assure you I am not! And I see what is going on here very clearly."
"Mmmff mmff!" said Merlin, emphatically. Arthur's hand tightened.
"I will not be spoken to in such a way! And by a servant."
"Really, Lady Catherine, this has all been a terrible misunderstanding." Arthur said, earnestly. "For which Merlin will be apologising, at length and on his knees if necessary, once I've decided on a suitable punishment. And once he's, er, been to see the court physician of course."
Merlin briefly considered biting his hand, but Lady Catherine had at least stopped gripping her cane like she was going to smack Merlin over the head with it.
"You had better hope it is a misunderstanding," said Lady Catherine, fixing Merlin with a glare even more terrifying than her last one, "You may be innocent to the wiles of the servant class, but I am not!"
"I think I may promise you never to fall for Merlin's wiles," said Arthur, sounding superbly disdainful of the very idea, "should he ever be misguided enough to try any."
Lady Catherine looked suspiciously from one to the other for a long moment. Merlin thought he better try looking mentally afflicted and went cross-eyed. This seemed to convince her far more than Arthur's words had done, if her alarmed expression was anything to go by.
"I will be watching you both!" she said at last, "And I shall be telling your father about your manservant's behaviour, you may be assured of that!"
"Of course, my lady." Arthur bowed his head respectfully as with a final look the lady swept away, radiating disapproval and taking several bits of straw with her.
Arthur removed his hand from Merlin's mouth. There was a short silence, then,
"You would so fall for my wiles," said Merlin, crossing his arms with a pointed look, and receiving a cuff round the head for his trouble. "Ow! What was that for?"
"You are such an idiot," said Arthur.
"I was defending you!" replied Merlin, indignant.
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Well forgive me if next time I forgo your services. I hope you realise you really will have to apologise to Lady Catherine. And be sincere about it."
Merlin pulled a face before he asked - slightly nervously now Arthur had brought it up - "You don't think your father's going to have me killed and stuffed do you?"
Arthur snorted. "He'll probably want to erect a statue to you in the courtyard." Merlin gave him a look. "Oh stop worrying, Merlin. I'll explain about the, er, misunderstanding, and you'll apologise and clean some chamberpots, and it'll all blow over."
Merlin felt a little better.
"Unless it doesn't," went on Arthur, because he was heartless, "In which case we'll have to send you back to Rosings Castle with her until she feels you're suitably contrite."
Merlin stared at him in a kind of frozen horror, until Arthur grinned and Merlin's lungs decided to start working again.
"And as for your wiles, or lack thereof," Arthur continued, looking entirely too pleased with himself. "I hardly need to fall for them, since I can apparently tumble you wherever and whenever I please."
Merlin threw a bit of straw at him. "That was hypothetical, you ass."
"Was it really?" said Arthur, with an insufferable smirk. Merlin felt a traitorous flush creeping up his neck.
He sniffed instead. "You would have to start being a bit nicer to me, before there was any tumbling of any kind."
"I see," said Arthur, standing aside with a mocking flourish to let Merlin precede him out of the stables.
"No more of this putting me in the stocks business, or sending me off to slave for terrifying noblewomen." Merlin went on, as they crossed the yard. Arthur nodded thoughtfully, his eyes amused. Merlin pretended to give it some more thought. "And I would want breakfast," he decided.
Arthur raised an eyebrow. "I thought I would be enough all by myself?"
The flush reached Merlin's ears, but he replied with an airy wave of his hand. "Well, I think breakfast would be a very small reward for putting up with you all night as well."
There was a slight moment of horror as soon as the words left his mouth and Merlin's brain caught up and realised he had, in fact, actually said them. And then helpfully supplied a number of hazy, soft focus images to accompany the notion of 'putting up with Arthur all night' that Merlin could really have done without.
"Er..." he said, frozen at the threshold of the castle and staring at Arthur, who grinned like the smug prat he was and gave him an openly speculative look.
"Well then, Merlin, I suppose I'd best leave you to make yourself presentable, if you think you can manage without my presence for a few hours." Merlin resisted the urge to stick out his tongue this time, since Arthur still had to save him from a life of servitude with Lady Catherine. Then Arthur looked him up and down, and added, "And I'll expect you in my chambers tonight," and Merlin forgot all about her.
"What?" It was possible his voice had come out embarrassingly squeaky.
Arthur blinked at him, innocently, "To dress me for the feast of course. Had you forgotten?"
"Oh!" said Merlin, trying to calm his wildly thumping heart, "The feast! Of course, yes, I will be there. To get you ready, I mean. For the feast. I like feasts." He stopped talking.
Arthur's grin became a little softer, and possibly a little more fond, and he ruffled Merlin's hair as they headed inside. "So I've noticed. And thank you, by the way." Merlin looked confused as Arthur paused and looked at him, slightly awkward. "For your completely inappropriate defence I mean."
Merlin decided to take that as a compliment, albeit a very Arthur one. "You're welcome."
They passed into the entrance hall and Arthur turned for the main stairs, Merlin for Gaius's quarters where he planned to hide for the rest of the day, lest Lady Catherine change her mind about murdering him. "Oh, and Merlin?" called Arthur. Merlin turned to see Arthur walking backwards towards the staircase, eyes on him, "You'd best come early tonight."
"Alright?" said Merlin, with a slight shrug, wondering what he was missing.
"So we can discuss your new duties," finished Arthur, with a quirk of his eyebrows.
Merlin opened and closed his mouth. "Wait - my what?"
But Arthur just laughed at him and took the stairs two at a time, leaving Merlin standing alone in the hall and wondering if a life of servitude with Lady Catherine was so bad a prospect after all.
The End.
Constructive criticism always welcome!!