Fic: Camelot FM Extra
Wordcount: 1,000
Rating: G
Warnings: None. Just silly crack.
Summary: Merlin is invited on Sir Leon’s radio show, ‘Late Night Love.’ He manages to be as successful at that as he was at his own ;)
A/N: Last night I discovered some random bits of fic in my notebook that was evidently meant for a Camelot FM: The Lost Recordings sequel, set in the Pudsey AU verse (the one where Merlin has his own radio show and manages to piss off Arthur in every way imaginable). Since it’s the other big charity telethon today, Red Nose Day, I thought it was appropriate to finish it off and post. Thanks to vensre for the quick beta.
This one’s for dingogrrl, because I have a feeling they would tune into Sir Leon’s Late Night Love ;)
“And that was ‘Secret Love’, performed by Morris the Fiddler and dedicated by one of our listeners to Angharad from the scullery. Angharad, I think you may have a secret admirer! To anyone just tuning in, you’re listening to Leon’s Late Night Love, with me, Sir Leon, with you until midnight. Before we go any further i’d like to send my thanks to Mistress Leah and young Alys for the knitted gloves and hat, and Mistress Joan for the woollen stockings - as always, ladies, I am in your debt, especially with the inclement weather we’ve been having lately.
Now, before we continue with more late night love songs, we’re going to take a short break for our new nightly feature - Sharing The Love. Now I know we had a few disappointed listeners when I launched this on Monday - I’m afraid the Knight’s Code precludes me from the kind of sharing you had in mind, but I’d like to say I was very flattered! Yesterday, as I’m sure you remember, we shared the love with William Bard who told us why he just loves to sing - and rather a lot about his bad hip too for that matter, so thanks for all the good wishes you sent in. Tonight I’m going to be sharing the love with another very special guest, and someone I’m sure you all know, a fellow broadcaster and, if I might say, rather a popular one too! So a big welcome to... Merlin!”
“Hello listeners!”
“Hello Merlin, and thanks for joining us in Sharing the Love. Now, I think it’s fair to say you have an extremely important job here in the castle. In fact, some people might say one of the most important jobs-”
“Oh I don’t know, I’m sure Gaius would manage pretty well without-”
“I’m referring of course to your service to His Royal Highness.”
“Oh, that.”
“...Er, yes. So tell us Merlin, what is it you love about your job?”
“...”
“...It can be anything, anything at all.”
“Well sometimes I have to go to the forest for herbs and-”
“The other job.”
“...Oh.”
“...”
“...I get Tuesdays off. And sometimes I have lie ins.”
“Now that sounds very good of the Prince!”
“I don’t know, he’s usually pretty angry about it.”
“...I see. Well perhaps you could tell us a little bit about what’s involved, it is after all an extremely sought after position in the castle.”
“Really? Well if anyone is interested, you can always write to me at Merlin, Merlin’s Room, The Physician’s Quarters, Camelot, or phone me. I’m in all day Tuesdays and after five on Friday. Or leave me a note, I-”
“Merlin, this is rather unexpected. Are you actually resigning your position live on air?”
“...No? Well, maybe. I mean if it’s sought after I wouldn’t want to deny anyone the chance to-”
“I’m sorry to interrupt you there Merlin, I’m receiving a message on my earpiece from His Highness, Prince Arthur to say you are not resigning your position.”
“Oh. What about if I just share the job with-”
“I’m hearing no.”
“But I could-”
“He says absolutely not. And he would like to speak to you afterwards.”
“Is it about his tunic?”
“...”
“...”
“...He says he would like to speak to you about that as well.”
“Bugger.”
“Perhaps we’ll leave that for now and move on to the phone lines. We have a number of callers lined up already. A good evening to Emmeline from the laundry! Emmeline, what’s your question for Merlin?”
“Hello to you both! Merlin, everyone loves listening to your complaints about the Prince, but some people have suggested you might protest a little too much. What do you say to those people?”
“I’d say they don’t know the half of it Emmeline! I don’t protest nearly enough. If I were to tell people all the things Arthur does to me, they wouldn’t be allowed to broadcast it! Just the other day he-”
“And once again Merlin, I’m being told to move on. Thank you for your call Emmeline. Can we go to line two please. Welcome to Kevin from the stables. Good evening Kevin, what’s your question for Merlin?”
“Merlin, hello. It’s the question everyone must be asking, but how close exactly are you to Prince Arthur?”
“Hi Kevin. Most days I’m pretty close. Not on Thursdays, obviously, that's when he goes hunting and I help Gaius with his shelving, but that’s only for the afternoon, and I get Tuesdays off so sometimes I can go nearly a whole morning without seeing him at all.”
“...Well I hope that answered your question, Kevin. Next up is Mary, who works at the Three Boars Tavern. Mary, you’re live with Merlin.”
“Hi Mary!”
“Hello Merlin. This is from all the barmaids here at the tavern, last year the knights made a rather popular calendar to raise money for charity. Would you consider contributing a picture this year? And could you persuade the Prince to pose with you?”
“Oooh I hadn’t really thought of that before Mary, but if you think it would be popular I would be happy to-”
“And that concludes our phone-in for Merlin. Thank you Mary, apologies for cutting you off there. I am being asked to say that it will not be possible for Merlin to contribute to any such fundraising activities due to the delicate nature of his position within the Royal Household and because the Prince cannot condone moral laxity among his household staff.”
“But I’m his only household staff!”
“Thank you for joining us in the studio Merlin! You’ve been a great guest.”
“You can tell him I don’t even care about his tunic.”
“I think we’d better play some music. How about our most popular ladies ballad, ‘I knew I loved you when I saw you in chainmail,’ this goes out to all our listeners. Here it is, played for you on Sir Leon’s Late Night Love.”
“He can’t wear green anyway.”
[CUT TO MUSIC]
The End.
Rating: G
Warnings: None. Just silly crack.
Summary: Merlin is invited on Sir Leon’s radio show, ‘Late Night Love.’ He manages to be as successful at that as he was at his own ;)
A/N: Last night I discovered some random bits of fic in my notebook that was evidently meant for a Camelot FM: The Lost Recordings sequel, set in the Pudsey AU verse (the one where Merlin has his own radio show and manages to piss off Arthur in every way imaginable). Since it’s the other big charity telethon today, Red Nose Day, I thought it was appropriate to finish it off and post. Thanks to vensre for the quick beta.
This one’s for dingogrrl, because I have a feeling they would tune into Sir Leon’s Late Night Love ;)
“And that was ‘Secret Love’, performed by Morris the Fiddler and dedicated by one of our listeners to Angharad from the scullery. Angharad, I think you may have a secret admirer! To anyone just tuning in, you’re listening to Leon’s Late Night Love, with me, Sir Leon, with you until midnight. Before we go any further i’d like to send my thanks to Mistress Leah and young Alys for the knitted gloves and hat, and Mistress Joan for the woollen stockings - as always, ladies, I am in your debt, especially with the inclement weather we’ve been having lately.
Now, before we continue with more late night love songs, we’re going to take a short break for our new nightly feature - Sharing The Love. Now I know we had a few disappointed listeners when I launched this on Monday - I’m afraid the Knight’s Code precludes me from the kind of sharing you had in mind, but I’d like to say I was very flattered! Yesterday, as I’m sure you remember, we shared the love with William Bard who told us why he just loves to sing - and rather a lot about his bad hip too for that matter, so thanks for all the good wishes you sent in. Tonight I’m going to be sharing the love with another very special guest, and someone I’m sure you all know, a fellow broadcaster and, if I might say, rather a popular one too! So a big welcome to... Merlin!”
“Hello listeners!”
“Hello Merlin, and thanks for joining us in Sharing the Love. Now, I think it’s fair to say you have an extremely important job here in the castle. In fact, some people might say one of the most important jobs-”
“Oh I don’t know, I’m sure Gaius would manage pretty well without-”
“I’m referring of course to your service to His Royal Highness.”
“Oh, that.”
“...Er, yes. So tell us Merlin, what is it you love about your job?”
“...”
“...It can be anything, anything at all.”
“Well sometimes I have to go to the forest for herbs and-”
“The other job.”
“...Oh.”
“...”
“...I get Tuesdays off. And sometimes I have lie ins.”
“Now that sounds very good of the Prince!”
“I don’t know, he’s usually pretty angry about it.”
“...I see. Well perhaps you could tell us a little bit about what’s involved, it is after all an extremely sought after position in the castle.”
“Really? Well if anyone is interested, you can always write to me at Merlin, Merlin’s Room, The Physician’s Quarters, Camelot, or phone me. I’m in all day Tuesdays and after five on Friday. Or leave me a note, I-”
“Merlin, this is rather unexpected. Are you actually resigning your position live on air?”
“...No? Well, maybe. I mean if it’s sought after I wouldn’t want to deny anyone the chance to-”
“I’m sorry to interrupt you there Merlin, I’m receiving a message on my earpiece from His Highness, Prince Arthur to say you are not resigning your position.”
“Oh. What about if I just share the job with-”
“I’m hearing no.”
“But I could-”
“He says absolutely not. And he would like to speak to you afterwards.”
“Is it about his tunic?”
“...”
“...”
“...He says he would like to speak to you about that as well.”
“Bugger.”
“Perhaps we’ll leave that for now and move on to the phone lines. We have a number of callers lined up already. A good evening to Emmeline from the laundry! Emmeline, what’s your question for Merlin?”
“Hello to you both! Merlin, everyone loves listening to your complaints about the Prince, but some people have suggested you might protest a little too much. What do you say to those people?”
“I’d say they don’t know the half of it Emmeline! I don’t protest nearly enough. If I were to tell people all the things Arthur does to me, they wouldn’t be allowed to broadcast it! Just the other day he-”
“And once again Merlin, I’m being told to move on. Thank you for your call Emmeline. Can we go to line two please. Welcome to Kevin from the stables. Good evening Kevin, what’s your question for Merlin?”
“Merlin, hello. It’s the question everyone must be asking, but how close exactly are you to Prince Arthur?”
“Hi Kevin. Most days I’m pretty close. Not on Thursdays, obviously, that's when he goes hunting and I help Gaius with his shelving, but that’s only for the afternoon, and I get Tuesdays off so sometimes I can go nearly a whole morning without seeing him at all.”
“...Well I hope that answered your question, Kevin. Next up is Mary, who works at the Three Boars Tavern. Mary, you’re live with Merlin.”
“Hi Mary!”
“Hello Merlin. This is from all the barmaids here at the tavern, last year the knights made a rather popular calendar to raise money for charity. Would you consider contributing a picture this year? And could you persuade the Prince to pose with you?”
“Oooh I hadn’t really thought of that before Mary, but if you think it would be popular I would be happy to-”
“And that concludes our phone-in for Merlin. Thank you Mary, apologies for cutting you off there. I am being asked to say that it will not be possible for Merlin to contribute to any such fundraising activities due to the delicate nature of his position within the Royal Household and because the Prince cannot condone moral laxity among his household staff.”
“But I’m his only household staff!”
“Thank you for joining us in the studio Merlin! You’ve been a great guest.”
“You can tell him I don’t even care about his tunic.”
“I think we’d better play some music. How about our most popular ladies ballad, ‘I knew I loved you when I saw you in chainmail,’ this goes out to all our listeners. Here it is, played for you on Sir Leon’s Late Night Love.”
“He can’t wear green anyway.”
[CUT TO MUSIC]
The End.