I'm just a kid looking for a good time
Last night I was supposed to have seen Shaun of the Dead, but alas it was not playing. So what did everyone decide to do in its place? Get together and LAN their X-boxes of course! Now I enjoy a good game of Star Wars: Battlefront as much as the next womanless loser, but not on a Friday night! Weekends are reserved for PARTAY-ING! So I called up my lone partner in fun Mr. Dan Viggers, who shares my beliefs in the differentiations between weeknight fun and weekend fun. After Dan got to my house we decided to head out in search of a good party. Looking for a party in Peoria turned out to be harder than anticipated. At first we thought there might be some homecoming dances just waiting to be crashed, but unfortunately they were all next weekend.
As we drove around in search of parties, we got the awesome idea to call up Jason’s hot cousin. I see her every once in a while at Bradley. Surely she (or one of her smokingly hot friends) would be able to help us party. Since we didn’t know her cell phone number, we would have to call up Jason, who was currently playing x-box at Mike’s house. But for some stupid reason Jason just refused to give us her number! We were like “Give us Rachel’s number!” but he kept saying no. After calling him like a million times it started to get irritating. Eventually he just stopped answering his phone, so we were forced to call other people who were at Mike’s and have them give Jason the phone. Then we would continue to press him for the number, and he would continue to shoot us down. For some odd reason Jason did not want us calling his cousin. As time passed we grew more and more desperate to get that girl’s number. Dan called Jason back, this time imitating a girl’s voice. And to our surprise, Jason actually bought into it. Dan pretended to be Rachel, asking for her own cell phone number. But I guess Jason caught on because he hung up after talking to his “cousin” for a few minutes.
We gave up on Jason, and instead called his house. Dan told Mrs. Bockler that we were hanging out with Jason, and that Jason lost his cousin’s phone number and we needed it back. Mrs. Bockler was like, “Well I don’t have Rachel’s cell number, but she’s staying with her grandparents tonight,” and then gave us that number. But now that we had it, could we actually call her? We decided that we would need the wisdom of Dan’s older brother Mark to solve this problem. So with the city of Peoria as a starting point, we set out to find Mark Viggers.
Dan knew what neighborhood his brother lived in, and that his house was the only one without a porch. We found the house pretty fast, but the only person home was one of Mark’s roommates. She told us that Mark had gone to the Cyber Café to watch some band play. Thus, we drove out to Willow Knolls and found the Cyber Café. Dan spotted his brother really fast because he was outside performing Kung Fu on some other guys while smoking a cigarette. Among other things, Mark told his brother to call Rachel before it got too late. So in the parking lot of the Cyber Café, Dan (who has never even met this girl; I’ve met her once) called her at her grandparent’s house. At first he was like, “Yeah we were just wondering if you knew where the party was at?” but she didn’t know. Then he started laying it on thick and asked her if she wanted to come party with us. She said it was too late or something, and we were like “What the hell?” because it’s never too late to party. She did invite us to a party that’s going down tonight, however, so we might check that out. We called Jason, read Rachel’s cell number to him, and then hung up the phone. We had accomplished our first two missions of the evening: Call Rachel, and find Dan’s brother.
Our third goal for the evening was to get something to eat. The two of us went to IHOP and got some Par-a-Dice pancakes and coffee. Delicious. Afterwards we drove to Bradley to find something interesting to do. First, we stopped by the empty student center so that Dan could play the piano and I could watch Lethal Weapon 2. Then some morons kicked us out at closing time. We walked by a couple Frats that were having parties, but none of them looked like anything more than the flippy-cup world finals, so we didn’t go in. One of the parties looked pretty sweet, because in front of the house were two golden lion statues. We didn’t go in because as we walked by some drunken jock standing in the lawn gave me the “If you even look at this house I’m gonna fucking kill you!” look. We thought about renting out some lion costumes and telling them that we were the statues come to life in search of a party. Everybody there was so drunk they wouldn’t know any better. But where do you get lion costumes at two in the morning? Thus, when we have more people we will go back to the lion place.
On our way home we were driving through downtown Peoria, and to our amazement Main Street was filled with people. I’ve been downtown at this hour before, and never had there been this many twenty-somethings staggering around. There was even a drunken man in a clown costume chasing some girls around. We decided to park and check it out.
As we walked past the Pere Marquette we ran into the drunk clown. He asked us if we would like a balloon animal, and before we could respond this guy was pulling out a long orange balloon and a small air pump. Watching this completely shitfaced clown trying to make a balloon animal was one of the funniest moments of my entire life. Dan and I stood there watching this man fumble around with the balloon in a drunken attempt at producing a giraffe. The end result resembled no living creature, although according to the clown it had “Two really big nuts.” On our way back to the car we walked past a black hobo sleeping in the entrance of the Apollo Theatre. Easily the best trip I’ve ever made downtown.
On the ride home Dan and I looked back at our fascinating night. Sometimes people can be confusing, and sometimes people can be moody. We live in a world of nonlinear human beings, who can be so hard to understand sometimes that you wind up confused as to what kind of person they are. I’ve always thought I was a deep, multifaceted person filled with a variety of complex emotions. But last night taught me that everything I do eventually goes back to the truth that I’m just a kid looking for a good time. And I hope that never changes, because when people stop looking for fun and start trying to make everything complicated -- that’s when people get retarded. And I hope I’m never retarded.
As we drove around in search of parties, we got the awesome idea to call up Jason’s hot cousin. I see her every once in a while at Bradley. Surely she (or one of her smokingly hot friends) would be able to help us party. Since we didn’t know her cell phone number, we would have to call up Jason, who was currently playing x-box at Mike’s house. But for some stupid reason Jason just refused to give us her number! We were like “Give us Rachel’s number!” but he kept saying no. After calling him like a million times it started to get irritating. Eventually he just stopped answering his phone, so we were forced to call other people who were at Mike’s and have them give Jason the phone. Then we would continue to press him for the number, and he would continue to shoot us down. For some odd reason Jason did not want us calling his cousin. As time passed we grew more and more desperate to get that girl’s number. Dan called Jason back, this time imitating a girl’s voice. And to our surprise, Jason actually bought into it. Dan pretended to be Rachel, asking for her own cell phone number. But I guess Jason caught on because he hung up after talking to his “cousin” for a few minutes.
We gave up on Jason, and instead called his house. Dan told Mrs. Bockler that we were hanging out with Jason, and that Jason lost his cousin’s phone number and we needed it back. Mrs. Bockler was like, “Well I don’t have Rachel’s cell number, but she’s staying with her grandparents tonight,” and then gave us that number. But now that we had it, could we actually call her? We decided that we would need the wisdom of Dan’s older brother Mark to solve this problem. So with the city of Peoria as a starting point, we set out to find Mark Viggers.
Dan knew what neighborhood his brother lived in, and that his house was the only one without a porch. We found the house pretty fast, but the only person home was one of Mark’s roommates. She told us that Mark had gone to the Cyber Café to watch some band play. Thus, we drove out to Willow Knolls and found the Cyber Café. Dan spotted his brother really fast because he was outside performing Kung Fu on some other guys while smoking a cigarette. Among other things, Mark told his brother to call Rachel before it got too late. So in the parking lot of the Cyber Café, Dan (who has never even met this girl; I’ve met her once) called her at her grandparent’s house. At first he was like, “Yeah we were just wondering if you knew where the party was at?” but she didn’t know. Then he started laying it on thick and asked her if she wanted to come party with us. She said it was too late or something, and we were like “What the hell?” because it’s never too late to party. She did invite us to a party that’s going down tonight, however, so we might check that out. We called Jason, read Rachel’s cell number to him, and then hung up the phone. We had accomplished our first two missions of the evening: Call Rachel, and find Dan’s brother.
Our third goal for the evening was to get something to eat. The two of us went to IHOP and got some Par-a-Dice pancakes and coffee. Delicious. Afterwards we drove to Bradley to find something interesting to do. First, we stopped by the empty student center so that Dan could play the piano and I could watch Lethal Weapon 2. Then some morons kicked us out at closing time. We walked by a couple Frats that were having parties, but none of them looked like anything more than the flippy-cup world finals, so we didn’t go in. One of the parties looked pretty sweet, because in front of the house were two golden lion statues. We didn’t go in because as we walked by some drunken jock standing in the lawn gave me the “If you even look at this house I’m gonna fucking kill you!” look. We thought about renting out some lion costumes and telling them that we were the statues come to life in search of a party. Everybody there was so drunk they wouldn’t know any better. But where do you get lion costumes at two in the morning? Thus, when we have more people we will go back to the lion place.
On our way home we were driving through downtown Peoria, and to our amazement Main Street was filled with people. I’ve been downtown at this hour before, and never had there been this many twenty-somethings staggering around. There was even a drunken man in a clown costume chasing some girls around. We decided to park and check it out.
As we walked past the Pere Marquette we ran into the drunk clown. He asked us if we would like a balloon animal, and before we could respond this guy was pulling out a long orange balloon and a small air pump. Watching this completely shitfaced clown trying to make a balloon animal was one of the funniest moments of my entire life. Dan and I stood there watching this man fumble around with the balloon in a drunken attempt at producing a giraffe. The end result resembled no living creature, although according to the clown it had “Two really big nuts.” On our way back to the car we walked past a black hobo sleeping in the entrance of the Apollo Theatre. Easily the best trip I’ve ever made downtown.
On the ride home Dan and I looked back at our fascinating night. Sometimes people can be confusing, and sometimes people can be moody. We live in a world of nonlinear human beings, who can be so hard to understand sometimes that you wind up confused as to what kind of person they are. I’ve always thought I was a deep, multifaceted person filled with a variety of complex emotions. But last night taught me that everything I do eventually goes back to the truth that I’m just a kid looking for a good time. And I hope that never changes, because when people stop looking for fun and start trying to make everything complicated -- that’s when people get retarded. And I hope I’m never retarded.