I hate Subway
So this morning my mom woke me up telling me to get out of bed or else I’d be late to Eureka. Getting up at 7:30 in the morning is the telltale sign that summer is dead. I chased some Dayquil with a cup of coffee and went on my merry way. I arrived at the courthouse around 9, at which point I was instructed to sit in the courtroom and wait for my name to be called. The courtroom was packed with people guilty of everything from traffic violations to misdemeanors. I felt good because I was the best dressed out of all the criminals. The Judge was this guy named Feeney and he had a beard that made him look like Grizzly Adams. One at a time he called people up to his throne, or whatever the hell you call the place where the judge sits, and talked to them about their case. Eventually he called out my name and I had to walk all the way from my seat in the back to the front of the room. I was really nervous for some reason.
The Judge didn’t even look at me. He just pulled out a piece of paper, glanced at it, and said, “You’re applying for court supervision,” to which I nodded. Then he stamped the sheet and told me I had to pay a hundred bucks plus the court fees. So the whole thing wound up costing me about 175 dollars, which isn’t too bad I guess.
I thought that thing was going to take forever, but it ended up only lasting twenty minutes. My first class didn’t start until 10, so I figured I could make it on time after all. I couldn’t speed to Bradley and won’t be able to speed anywhere for that matter until after three months. But if ever there was a time when I wanted to speed, it was then. I got to Bradley and spent about ten minutes searching for a parking space, which really sucked because there is nowhere to park anywhere remotely near Bradley at 10 AM. I ended up parking in some dude’s backyard about four blocks from campus. Then I sprinted all four blocks to Westlake Hall.
When I came panting up the steps of the building there was a woman standing at the entrance talking to some students. I paid no attention to this and headed for my classroom. Imagine my surprise when there was NO ONE in my fucking classroom! I turned around and headed back outside. While I was walking out I asked the woman what was going on. Apparently my math teacher decided not to show up for the first day of school and left her bitchy secretary to tell her students that there wouldn’t be a class. So I did all that worrying, all that e-mailing, and all that running for nothing. Then it started to rain.
I walked back to my car and found a better parking spot on campus. Then I had to put my parking permit sticker on the outside rear window. Since it was raining the sticker got wet and wouldn’t stick to anything. I just set it on the window and walked away.
My next class wasn’t until 11, so I had an hour to walk aimlessly around the Bradley campus. Everyone else looked like they had a destination. They were looking at their watches, walking at a fast pace to escape the rain…but not me. I just moped around in the rain with a blank expression on my face. And it was during this time that a greasy, mustachioed man jumped in front of me. He had a big, fake smile on his face and a Subway coupon in his hand.
“Hey there buddy, do you go to school here?” He asked.
I looked at him and calmly nodded in response. He then handed me the coupon.
“Well if ya take this coupon to Subway, you can get a free sub!”
My ears perked up at the sound of “free sub”. Was my day about to get better? Had this man been an angel in disguise, come to cheer me up with a free sub? Suddenly I felt very good about college. After all, any institution that would offer people free subs has to be good, right?
I stuffed the coupon in my pocket and walked away. Then the little mustachioed man ran to catch up with me and trotted at my side. He tried to start a conversation.
“So how’s your first day, buddy? Good?”
I started to say something, but I couldn’t think of anything. So I simply said, “No, not very good.”
“Well is it confusing?”
“I guess you could say that.”
Then I quickened my pace and the mustachioed Subway guy fell behind. I then lost him by weaving in-between dormitories. I still have no idea why this man felt the need to talk to me, rather than just hand me my coupon and let me be. Some people are strange like that I guess…
Afterwards I went to my 11 o’clock English class. It was alright, nothing really special. We had to go around the room and say a little something about ourselves. I said that I had a cold and that the air conditioner was leaking on me, which it was. This made people laugh, but I don’t see what was so funny. They need to get that air conditioner fixed.
At noon I had an hour break. I went into the Student Center and watched Conan with some people, then realized that I was very hungry. I fished around in my pocket and found that I still had my free sub coupon from the greasy mustachioed man. So I got in the Joemobile and headed over to the Subway in CampusTown. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on that sub!
As soon as I opened the door, soaking wet from the pouring rain, a woman came up to me with a clipboard. I was like, “What the hell?” All I wanted was my free sub, but this bitch wanted me to fill out some application for a Citibank Credit Card. I carefully explained to her that I was there for my free sub, to which she replied, “You can’t have a free sub unless you fill out the credit card application.” I then looked around and saw that this Subway was packed with college students filling out these fucking applications. Like these people, I had been duped into believing that I could simply walk into Subway and get a free sub with no strings attached. So instead of giving her the finger like I should’ve done, I took her credit card application and started filling it out. I had already come that far for my sub, so why the hell not, ya know?
It took me like fifteen minutes to fill out that goddamn application. They wanted to know all kinds of personal shit about me. The whole time I was thinking about what kind of sub I was gonna get. I eventually settled on Chicken Teriyaki, my personal favorite. I finished working on my application and took it up to the bitch that gave it to me. She looked it over and said,
“Okay, now can I see your Bradley ID?”
I reached into my pocket to grab my ID. At that moment I realized that I had left it at home. I quickly explained to this woman that I didn’t have my ID, but I could show her my schedule to prove that I do indeed go to Bradley.
“I’m sorry, you need an ID or a copy of a paid bill.”
“Can I still have my free sub?”
“No, not unless you have your ID.”
At this point I was ready to cry. Thanks to this bitch I will never again trust anyone, ever. When the mustachioed man gave me that coupon he didn’t say shit about filling out a credit card application. So I walked out of Subway with an empty stomach, got in my car, and went back to Bradley. My last three classes of the day were pretty uneventful. The guy that teaches my theater class is pretty funny, and we get to go on cool trips to Chicago and stuff so I guess that’s cool. My Western Civ and Comm professors are both uptight wieners that think they’re better than everyone else. Jacqueline Koch is in like half of my classes, which just proves that God is playing a practical joke on me. But other than that college is okay thus far. At least I hope it’s okay. I think as soon as I get settled into my schedule and meet some people it won’t be too bad.
The Judge didn’t even look at me. He just pulled out a piece of paper, glanced at it, and said, “You’re applying for court supervision,” to which I nodded. Then he stamped the sheet and told me I had to pay a hundred bucks plus the court fees. So the whole thing wound up costing me about 175 dollars, which isn’t too bad I guess.
I thought that thing was going to take forever, but it ended up only lasting twenty minutes. My first class didn’t start until 10, so I figured I could make it on time after all. I couldn’t speed to Bradley and won’t be able to speed anywhere for that matter until after three months. But if ever there was a time when I wanted to speed, it was then. I got to Bradley and spent about ten minutes searching for a parking space, which really sucked because there is nowhere to park anywhere remotely near Bradley at 10 AM. I ended up parking in some dude’s backyard about four blocks from campus. Then I sprinted all four blocks to Westlake Hall.
When I came panting up the steps of the building there was a woman standing at the entrance talking to some students. I paid no attention to this and headed for my classroom. Imagine my surprise when there was NO ONE in my fucking classroom! I turned around and headed back outside. While I was walking out I asked the woman what was going on. Apparently my math teacher decided not to show up for the first day of school and left her bitchy secretary to tell her students that there wouldn’t be a class. So I did all that worrying, all that e-mailing, and all that running for nothing. Then it started to rain.
I walked back to my car and found a better parking spot on campus. Then I had to put my parking permit sticker on the outside rear window. Since it was raining the sticker got wet and wouldn’t stick to anything. I just set it on the window and walked away.
My next class wasn’t until 11, so I had an hour to walk aimlessly around the Bradley campus. Everyone else looked like they had a destination. They were looking at their watches, walking at a fast pace to escape the rain…but not me. I just moped around in the rain with a blank expression on my face. And it was during this time that a greasy, mustachioed man jumped in front of me. He had a big, fake smile on his face and a Subway coupon in his hand.
“Hey there buddy, do you go to school here?” He asked.
I looked at him and calmly nodded in response. He then handed me the coupon.
“Well if ya take this coupon to Subway, you can get a free sub!”
My ears perked up at the sound of “free sub”. Was my day about to get better? Had this man been an angel in disguise, come to cheer me up with a free sub? Suddenly I felt very good about college. After all, any institution that would offer people free subs has to be good, right?
I stuffed the coupon in my pocket and walked away. Then the little mustachioed man ran to catch up with me and trotted at my side. He tried to start a conversation.
“So how’s your first day, buddy? Good?”
I started to say something, but I couldn’t think of anything. So I simply said, “No, not very good.”
“Well is it confusing?”
“I guess you could say that.”
Then I quickened my pace and the mustachioed Subway guy fell behind. I then lost him by weaving in-between dormitories. I still have no idea why this man felt the need to talk to me, rather than just hand me my coupon and let me be. Some people are strange like that I guess…
Afterwards I went to my 11 o’clock English class. It was alright, nothing really special. We had to go around the room and say a little something about ourselves. I said that I had a cold and that the air conditioner was leaking on me, which it was. This made people laugh, but I don’t see what was so funny. They need to get that air conditioner fixed.
At noon I had an hour break. I went into the Student Center and watched Conan with some people, then realized that I was very hungry. I fished around in my pocket and found that I still had my free sub coupon from the greasy mustachioed man. So I got in the Joemobile and headed over to the Subway in CampusTown. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on that sub!
As soon as I opened the door, soaking wet from the pouring rain, a woman came up to me with a clipboard. I was like, “What the hell?” All I wanted was my free sub, but this bitch wanted me to fill out some application for a Citibank Credit Card. I carefully explained to her that I was there for my free sub, to which she replied, “You can’t have a free sub unless you fill out the credit card application.” I then looked around and saw that this Subway was packed with college students filling out these fucking applications. Like these people, I had been duped into believing that I could simply walk into Subway and get a free sub with no strings attached. So instead of giving her the finger like I should’ve done, I took her credit card application and started filling it out. I had already come that far for my sub, so why the hell not, ya know?
It took me like fifteen minutes to fill out that goddamn application. They wanted to know all kinds of personal shit about me. The whole time I was thinking about what kind of sub I was gonna get. I eventually settled on Chicken Teriyaki, my personal favorite. I finished working on my application and took it up to the bitch that gave it to me. She looked it over and said,
“Okay, now can I see your Bradley ID?”
I reached into my pocket to grab my ID. At that moment I realized that I had left it at home. I quickly explained to this woman that I didn’t have my ID, but I could show her my schedule to prove that I do indeed go to Bradley.
“I’m sorry, you need an ID or a copy of a paid bill.”
“Can I still have my free sub?”
“No, not unless you have your ID.”
At this point I was ready to cry. Thanks to this bitch I will never again trust anyone, ever. When the mustachioed man gave me that coupon he didn’t say shit about filling out a credit card application. So I walked out of Subway with an empty stomach, got in my car, and went back to Bradley. My last three classes of the day were pretty uneventful. The guy that teaches my theater class is pretty funny, and we get to go on cool trips to Chicago and stuff so I guess that’s cool. My Western Civ and Comm professors are both uptight wieners that think they’re better than everyone else. Jacqueline Koch is in like half of my classes, which just proves that God is playing a practical joke on me. But other than that college is okay thus far. At least I hope it’s okay. I think as soon as I get settled into my schedule and meet some people it won’t be too bad.