Bradley Orientation (or how I learned to fear college)
I spent this week with Jason at Bradley's summer orientation. When I arrived on campus Sunday morning with a chicken teriyaki sub in hand, I was more than ready to commence the "orienting". I had been feeling groggy from a night full of graduation partying and the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but as I stepped into Harper Hall I felt a sudden rush of enthusiasm. Years ago when my dad started working at Bradley I got the crazy notion that college was where "it was at". I was the only Freshman in Metamora who wore Bradley t-shirts instead of that over-priced Redbird propaganda that my classmates sported. College was like the light at the end of the tunnel. I had no idea what went on there, so I concocted my own fantisies about endless partying and mystery solving, followed by a career wherein I made billions of dollars. And so as Freshmen Orientation rolled around this week, to say that I was excited is an understatement.
Jason and I were given the keys to our room on the fifth floor of the dormitory, and up we went in the little elevator. It didn't take too long to figure out that Bradley had put us in the Hilton of its various dorms to help secure their image as "the greatest college on Earth". However, our room was still so small that they had to build loft-beds to fit everything in there. But since I sleep on such a beast, it was no problem. It turned out that we had about an hour to kill, so Jason and I sat on our individual loft beds discussing the fun that awaited us. At one point some guy wandered into our room, looked around, and was like "whoa I thought this was my room". Then he introduced himself as Brad from East Peoria, and so we said that we were from Metamora, to which Brad replies, "Sorry, I don't know anything about football". He was nice I guess, and from the hardcore bandanna in his back-pocket, I knew he meant business. Eventually it came time for us to go to our first session in Bradley Hall. It was during this assembly that I began to have my doubts about Orientation Week. We were introduced to the ten student aides, a young group of men and women who were unusually peppy and eagerly talkative. These jokers made Mrs. Kelley look like Marcel Marcel. Jason and I decided that the Aides, as a collective, would be referred to as "Keith", since that is what uber-happy Student Aides and Tour Guides are frequently named. Keith made us sit through some bullshit alternative theater thing, during which it acted out famous quotes about going to college. What a fucking waste of an hour that was. Then Keith took us to some ballroom, where we were forced to participate in "icebreakers" like Autobiographical Jeopardy. As the afternoon wore on, I began to miss the fun of the night before. So as I sat there reflecting on the awesomeness of the Time Warp, Keith announced our next fun game -- A MATH PLACEMENT TEST! Everyone was herded back to Bradley Hall, where we had to take a basic algebra test. I placed into the lowest math class, but I don't care since I hate math and would never major in anything remotely connected to it. After that we ate dinner in the Student Center, which is where we met a young man from Putnam County named Blaise Felty. Blaise was a pretty funny guy, albeit a bit of a drunk. He told us that the night before Orientation, right about the time I was putting on my costume for Rocky probably, some girl was confessing her undying love to him while he was completely hammered. As he told this story he saw that I was drinking a big styrofoam cup of coffee, and said, "Coffee stunts your growth". I didn't care. I needed it.
Around seven o'clock a skinny old guy gave a pretty interesting lecture although the actual topic of this lecture escapes me at the moment. Then Keith came back for a session called "Foundations", during which it shared its sad stories from College. Surprisingly a few of them actually applied to me and I was saddened. Afterwards, Ben(a member of Keith), went on a walk with me for some One-On-One thing. He was actually a pretty cool guy and I told him about some of the things that were bothering me. Granted Ben didn't give me any real advice, but it was nice just being able to talk to someone about it. I think he knew that too because for the rest of Orientation he was a lot nicer to me than anyone else in our group. Around tenish I met back up with Jason and we went to One World for free coffee. Apparently Bradley thought it would be smart to get us all wired before bedtime. I would've turned down the offer, but hey...free coffee. So we headed back to the dorm, and Jason, fully knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep, decided to wander around campus. I, on the other hand, went back to the room and listened to my headphones. Every ten minutes there was a booming sound and the walls would shake a little. Thanks to coffee, I laid awake for several hours thinking about stuff and listening to this sonic boom. Jason rolled in sometime later, claiming that he had spent the evening talking to "a couple of girls".
The next day was extremely boring and uneventful, and to go into detail about the early half of this day would bring back the awful memories. There were lots of lectures, lots of spilling coffee on myself, and lots of Keith. I made my class schedule, which is geared towards slacking off. I only have to go to school three days a week and my earliest class starts at 10 am. Not too bad if I do say so myself. Around lunchtime Jason and I decided that we had had enough. We made a plan to run away later that night and go to Avanti's. So around sixish Keith declares that we're going to Ravina, the shitty park by Grand Prairie to play Frolf or Hacky Sack or whatever the hell it is that college people play. As everyone boarded the bus, we hid out with some music major in the lobby of Harper Hall. After the bus had left, we quickly jumped into Jason's car and high-tailed it to Avanti's. The freedom felt so good that we went to Barnes and Noble afterwards and had some coffee. Eventually we decided to head back, stopping at CVS along the way to pick up some sleeping pills. It was around eight when we got back, and I decided to skip out on the rest of Keith's magical evening and go to bed. I woke up around midnight, when Jason came strolling in. I got a little mad at him for not coming home until the wee hours of the morning, and never calling, but hey I was lonely. It had been another fun-filled night for him, and another sleep-filled night for me. I went back to sleep, feeling unsure about the whole "college life" thing and for the first and hopefully the last time...wishing I was in High School.
Today Jason and I checked-out two hours early. We had been through enough of Keith's "fun activities" and had listened to enough lectures about shit we already knew. We left our keys at the empty front desk of Harper Hall, got in Jason's car, and drove home. In High School I always looked forward to college as though it would be a nonstop rollercoaster of good times, good friends, and an endless sea of cool people. But this week ended up giving me my first doubts about college, or rather it was the first time that I questioned the realism of my pseudo-college fantasies. For the first time in my life I am finding myself more scared than excited about going to Bradley.
Jason and I were given the keys to our room on the fifth floor of the dormitory, and up we went in the little elevator. It didn't take too long to figure out that Bradley had put us in the Hilton of its various dorms to help secure their image as "the greatest college on Earth". However, our room was still so small that they had to build loft-beds to fit everything in there. But since I sleep on such a beast, it was no problem. It turned out that we had about an hour to kill, so Jason and I sat on our individual loft beds discussing the fun that awaited us. At one point some guy wandered into our room, looked around, and was like "whoa I thought this was my room". Then he introduced himself as Brad from East Peoria, and so we said that we were from Metamora, to which Brad replies, "Sorry, I don't know anything about football". He was nice I guess, and from the hardcore bandanna in his back-pocket, I knew he meant business. Eventually it came time for us to go to our first session in Bradley Hall. It was during this assembly that I began to have my doubts about Orientation Week. We were introduced to the ten student aides, a young group of men and women who were unusually peppy and eagerly talkative. These jokers made Mrs. Kelley look like Marcel Marcel. Jason and I decided that the Aides, as a collective, would be referred to as "Keith", since that is what uber-happy Student Aides and Tour Guides are frequently named. Keith made us sit through some bullshit alternative theater thing, during which it acted out famous quotes about going to college. What a fucking waste of an hour that was. Then Keith took us to some ballroom, where we were forced to participate in "icebreakers" like Autobiographical Jeopardy. As the afternoon wore on, I began to miss the fun of the night before. So as I sat there reflecting on the awesomeness of the Time Warp, Keith announced our next fun game -- A MATH PLACEMENT TEST! Everyone was herded back to Bradley Hall, where we had to take a basic algebra test. I placed into the lowest math class, but I don't care since I hate math and would never major in anything remotely connected to it. After that we ate dinner in the Student Center, which is where we met a young man from Putnam County named Blaise Felty. Blaise was a pretty funny guy, albeit a bit of a drunk. He told us that the night before Orientation, right about the time I was putting on my costume for Rocky probably, some girl was confessing her undying love to him while he was completely hammered. As he told this story he saw that I was drinking a big styrofoam cup of coffee, and said, "Coffee stunts your growth". I didn't care. I needed it.
Around seven o'clock a skinny old guy gave a pretty interesting lecture although the actual topic of this lecture escapes me at the moment. Then Keith came back for a session called "Foundations", during which it shared its sad stories from College. Surprisingly a few of them actually applied to me and I was saddened. Afterwards, Ben(a member of Keith), went on a walk with me for some One-On-One thing. He was actually a pretty cool guy and I told him about some of the things that were bothering me. Granted Ben didn't give me any real advice, but it was nice just being able to talk to someone about it. I think he knew that too because for the rest of Orientation he was a lot nicer to me than anyone else in our group. Around tenish I met back up with Jason and we went to One World for free coffee. Apparently Bradley thought it would be smart to get us all wired before bedtime. I would've turned down the offer, but hey...free coffee. So we headed back to the dorm, and Jason, fully knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep, decided to wander around campus. I, on the other hand, went back to the room and listened to my headphones. Every ten minutes there was a booming sound and the walls would shake a little. Thanks to coffee, I laid awake for several hours thinking about stuff and listening to this sonic boom. Jason rolled in sometime later, claiming that he had spent the evening talking to "a couple of girls".
The next day was extremely boring and uneventful, and to go into detail about the early half of this day would bring back the awful memories. There were lots of lectures, lots of spilling coffee on myself, and lots of Keith. I made my class schedule, which is geared towards slacking off. I only have to go to school three days a week and my earliest class starts at 10 am. Not too bad if I do say so myself. Around lunchtime Jason and I decided that we had had enough. We made a plan to run away later that night and go to Avanti's. So around sixish Keith declares that we're going to Ravina, the shitty park by Grand Prairie to play Frolf or Hacky Sack or whatever the hell it is that college people play. As everyone boarded the bus, we hid out with some music major in the lobby of Harper Hall. After the bus had left, we quickly jumped into Jason's car and high-tailed it to Avanti's. The freedom felt so good that we went to Barnes and Noble afterwards and had some coffee. Eventually we decided to head back, stopping at CVS along the way to pick up some sleeping pills. It was around eight when we got back, and I decided to skip out on the rest of Keith's magical evening and go to bed. I woke up around midnight, when Jason came strolling in. I got a little mad at him for not coming home until the wee hours of the morning, and never calling, but hey I was lonely. It had been another fun-filled night for him, and another sleep-filled night for me. I went back to sleep, feeling unsure about the whole "college life" thing and for the first and hopefully the last time...wishing I was in High School.
Today Jason and I checked-out two hours early. We had been through enough of Keith's "fun activities" and had listened to enough lectures about shit we already knew. We left our keys at the empty front desk of Harper Hall, got in Jason's car, and drove home. In High School I always looked forward to college as though it would be a nonstop rollercoaster of good times, good friends, and an endless sea of cool people. But this week ended up giving me my first doubts about college, or rather it was the first time that I questioned the realism of my pseudo-college fantasies. For the first time in my life I am finding myself more scared than excited about going to Bradley.