its good in my hood. play or get played. life is a game.
life is a a game. ive played it to the max. to the point of virtual collapse.
yesterday i was sick as fuck...close to the edge of existence.
laying in my bed feeling like im the only person in the world.being sick and not being to keep anything down. all my overwhelming feelings and frustrations threatening to end my very existence..
i would have given anything to feel arms wrapped around me. to hear a whispered" i love you" to pass out knowing i was in good hands.
life is a game one can end like throwing a monopoly board across the room.
i spin circles in my mind. endlessly. not happy with my job. my interaction with females. my life.
remembering my teenage years. all the shit ive seen in the years since then.
i hate myself deep in the quiet places. i blame myself for my part to play in the loss of my first love. my lil girl. my ex fiance. they say time heals wounds.
but it feels like the wounds i created will always bleed. most days i wake up and i feel like im threatenening to bleed out. like thats the only way that i will ever be free.
im 24 years old. and all i really have is experiences. moments of awesome pleasure and overwhelming pain..
echoes in my head of better and worse days..
ive been occupying my time with my niggas and blunts. the medicine for my mind. i feel alive when im chilling. real beyond measure.
when i inhale that sweet smoke i feel whole. a bliss from above.
i inhale new breath. and exhale everything inside that threatens to tear me apart.
i realize i have some adoring females.
niggas that would ryde for me. straight killas.
if it wasnt for yall i wouldnt be here. still chilling.
yet i often feel like im a inkstain on a blank canvas. my mind holds a million deep feelings and emotions. a reality i live with..
i look deep in my eyes in the mirror. i see a million feelings. a million deep secrets. a story to tell.
ultimately we are all alone. looking for the places we fit in. somewhere we belong. we all want the same things. so why is the human struggle for survival so fucking hard sometimes?
ive seen the cold streets. i survived somehow. somehow.
ive fucked people over. ive been fucked over.
ive had to do alot of things im not proud of to survive..
playing with my homies lil kids stirs up the inner feelings ive tried to bury so deep. when my nigga's lil girl ran and hugged my legs the other day when i walked in.that stirred a whirpool within. . the innocence of children...
sex. color. financial status. none of that matters really. we are all people. all equal. and yet divided. by social boundaries.
im either gonna survive and get thru the echoes. get past my experiences. and make every day a new experience. build my life into the castle that it could be. or im gonna crumble once and for all. and leave this world missing out . im something special.. and somehow i know that despite everything within that threatens to tear me apart.
im either gonna hustle to the top. throwing a middle finger and aiming a trigger finger at a world full of fakes and snakes. bitches and snitches.
smiling when im at the top. never allowing myself to sink.
knowing that it was somehow all worth it. or im going sink forever deep.
yesterday i was sick as fuck...close to the edge of existence.
laying in my bed feeling like im the only person in the world.being sick and not being to keep anything down. all my overwhelming feelings and frustrations threatening to end my very existence..
i would have given anything to feel arms wrapped around me. to hear a whispered" i love you" to pass out knowing i was in good hands.
life is a game one can end like throwing a monopoly board across the room.
i spin circles in my mind. endlessly. not happy with my job. my interaction with females. my life.
remembering my teenage years. all the shit ive seen in the years since then.
i hate myself deep in the quiet places. i blame myself for my part to play in the loss of my first love. my lil girl. my ex fiance. they say time heals wounds.
but it feels like the wounds i created will always bleed. most days i wake up and i feel like im threatenening to bleed out. like thats the only way that i will ever be free.
im 24 years old. and all i really have is experiences. moments of awesome pleasure and overwhelming pain..
echoes in my head of better and worse days..
ive been occupying my time with my niggas and blunts. the medicine for my mind. i feel alive when im chilling. real beyond measure.
when i inhale that sweet smoke i feel whole. a bliss from above.
i inhale new breath. and exhale everything inside that threatens to tear me apart.
i realize i have some adoring females.
niggas that would ryde for me. straight killas.
if it wasnt for yall i wouldnt be here. still chilling.
yet i often feel like im a inkstain on a blank canvas. my mind holds a million deep feelings and emotions. a reality i live with..
i look deep in my eyes in the mirror. i see a million feelings. a million deep secrets. a story to tell.
ultimately we are all alone. looking for the places we fit in. somewhere we belong. we all want the same things. so why is the human struggle for survival so fucking hard sometimes?
ive seen the cold streets. i survived somehow. somehow.
ive fucked people over. ive been fucked over.
ive had to do alot of things im not proud of to survive..
playing with my homies lil kids stirs up the inner feelings ive tried to bury so deep. when my nigga's lil girl ran and hugged my legs the other day when i walked in.that stirred a whirpool within. . the innocence of children...
sex. color. financial status. none of that matters really. we are all people. all equal. and yet divided. by social boundaries.
im either gonna survive and get thru the echoes. get past my experiences. and make every day a new experience. build my life into the castle that it could be. or im gonna crumble once and for all. and leave this world missing out . im something special.. and somehow i know that despite everything within that threatens to tear me apart.
im either gonna hustle to the top. throwing a middle finger and aiming a trigger finger at a world full of fakes and snakes. bitches and snitches.
smiling when im at the top. never allowing myself to sink.
knowing that it was somehow all worth it. or im going sink forever deep.