im the only thing im afraid of.im amazing sexy when blazing
within deep i lay beneath a ocean. i walk on a landscape blank. im a book with no cover. where ive been. what ive seen. the actions ive taken.
the drugs ive done in hopes of killing the lonely empty deadness inside.
short moments of wholeness.and the feeling when it fades. that crash that leaves you gasping for breath.
the sex.the times ive involved myself with females.both casual and otherwise
in that never ending quest to find some meaning. each experience taught me something. and took away more mirror fragments. taught me more about the beauty of females. and how the female mind works.
i feel like a a thousand pages are torn and the pieces are blowing in the wind. and i will never be able to complete this journey..
if it wasnt for my real niggas (id rather have a handful of real then a thousand fake) and green fields id probably have drowned already..
when that smoke hits my lungs. i feel like i could die and be happy in that moment.like it doesnt matter how bad ive fucked up.
it doesnt matter that ive slept on cold streets.lost my little girl.ruined relationships.burnt bridges. been disconnected from family.
overdosed more times then i can count.
that i feel like i missed out on my childhood in that quest to"be older" and the misguided belief that "everything would be better"
it doesnt matter that i feel lonely even in a crowd. that i dont feel like i have a home or place i belong and havent for over a decade.
it doesnt matter that ive spent many nights wondering if i didnt wake up if anyone would notice.
it doesnt matter that i feel like i'll always be on the outside looking in. or trapped on the inside looking out.
it doesnt matter that if im not blazing with my niggas i feel like im missing a million pieces...
every day i try and swim. thru everything that swallows me..
everything i want in life seems within my grasp and yet so far away at the same time..
i want lbs of green. my own business/ record store utopia. to be able to escape the world of being a slave for pennies and do something that i believe in.
i already have a decent amount of women that adore me. but i want someone/something im still searching for.
i desire with a heartbreaking passion to fill the empty spaces which i possess deep within..
im worried that im my own worst enemy.that i could have everything and still end up with nothing.
i get frustrated to the point i could put my fist thru a mirror. throw bricks thru windows. scream a million times in silence. frustration so deep i wish i could fuck it away.
somehow i went from being 13. to 24. at what point did i lose myself?
im amazing in ways i dont even know. in ways i couldnt articulate even if i tried.
im amazing in bed. its amazing despite and somehow because of everything im still standing. for the moment..
im amazed in myself. in where ive been. in what ive seen.in how ive handled things. im amazed in my survivalistic instinct.
im amazed in a world which is on the verge of collapse. im amazed i can see the game before it plays out. and that i still play it anyway.
100% real until the day i die...
the drugs ive done in hopes of killing the lonely empty deadness inside.
short moments of wholeness.and the feeling when it fades. that crash that leaves you gasping for breath.
the sex.the times ive involved myself with females.both casual and otherwise
in that never ending quest to find some meaning. each experience taught me something. and took away more mirror fragments. taught me more about the beauty of females. and how the female mind works.
i feel like a a thousand pages are torn and the pieces are blowing in the wind. and i will never be able to complete this journey..
if it wasnt for my real niggas (id rather have a handful of real then a thousand fake) and green fields id probably have drowned already..
when that smoke hits my lungs. i feel like i could die and be happy in that moment.like it doesnt matter how bad ive fucked up.
it doesnt matter that ive slept on cold streets.lost my little girl.ruined relationships.burnt bridges. been disconnected from family.
overdosed more times then i can count.
that i feel like i missed out on my childhood in that quest to"be older" and the misguided belief that "everything would be better"
it doesnt matter that i feel lonely even in a crowd. that i dont feel like i have a home or place i belong and havent for over a decade.
it doesnt matter that ive spent many nights wondering if i didnt wake up if anyone would notice.
it doesnt matter that i feel like i'll always be on the outside looking in. or trapped on the inside looking out.
it doesnt matter that if im not blazing with my niggas i feel like im missing a million pieces...
every day i try and swim. thru everything that swallows me..
everything i want in life seems within my grasp and yet so far away at the same time..
i want lbs of green. my own business/ record store utopia. to be able to escape the world of being a slave for pennies and do something that i believe in.
i already have a decent amount of women that adore me. but i want someone/something im still searching for.
i desire with a heartbreaking passion to fill the empty spaces which i possess deep within..
im worried that im my own worst enemy.that i could have everything and still end up with nothing.
i get frustrated to the point i could put my fist thru a mirror. throw bricks thru windows. scream a million times in silence. frustration so deep i wish i could fuck it away.
somehow i went from being 13. to 24. at what point did i lose myself?
im amazing in ways i dont even know. in ways i couldnt articulate even if i tried.
im amazing in bed. its amazing despite and somehow because of everything im still standing. for the moment..
im amazed in myself. in where ive been. in what ive seen.in how ive handled things. im amazed in my survivalistic instinct.
im amazed in a world which is on the verge of collapse. im amazed i can see the game before it plays out. and that i still play it anyway.
100% real until the day i die...