Someone stop me
I have spent all morning long going through LJ drama and being amazed at the incredible craziness of people out there. This is unhealthy past time I am sure but still..craziness abounds.
It's actually making me pretty paranoid, at this point I'm seriously contemplating putting everything about my kids on the parenting group, even the little nonsensical stuff, simply because some of the childfree drama is...well it's fucking scary. I know that there are a few people on my f-list that are childfree and part of the communities and I hope that throughout the years I've been pretty good about not bugging them to have kids of their own and keeping my kids to appropriate venues such as..my own journal..(though forkgirl I know that thanksgiving with Hunter was pushing it..but I remember -trying- to keep him away from you..there are some vague recolections of him handing you newspapers again and again but I hope that wasn't too much). It's not you all that worry me..it's the ones who photoshop dead babies being fucked or use abortion pictures as avi's or who are scarily militant. I just..it would kill me to see my kids pics being used in that sort of situation.
This is something I'm going to have to think about, my desire to write and be public against the fear of the interwebs and the wingnuts that populates it. Because people who watch people kill themselves over the internet? scare me.
Alright, past the world of interweb paranoia.
My world of frienships is shifting now, with Fayne moving back to Washington and other people that have roatated out and in, concerning my circle. I am going to have a huge gaping hole where she was and it is going to hurt me and not only me but my kids desperately. However I am not willing to throw myself into some situations simply because the people involved...drive me bugfuck nuts. I have a real problem with people who think they deserve more than they give. I understand that friendships take effort on both sides and if I don't put my effort in that if the friendship flounders it's my fault. Sometimes I really regret this, sometimes I don't. But regardless I understand the point.
I don't get it when people don't put any effort into seeing you or spending time with you or acknowledging the big parts of your life as they are going on and then expecting you to pick up the friendship when they choose to without any issues. I don't understand why I invariably do the hard work of a friendship, the helping out the going above and beyond and other people get the credit. Especially when those other people are spoiled rotten, tacky, rude, self important people who ask for help for the most ridiculous things. Seriously? Journals and twitter are not the way to ask for helps/gifts..it's just tacky.
I'm not writing this to stirr the pot or point fingers. Trust me if you're on my friends list and know about this journal it's not you. I'm just...tired. And I'm loosing my bestfriend and I am disparing that I will fill that hole that she's leaving. I am also struggling to find a balance in the new role I am in, chomping at the bit to get back to school and get on with my life and desperate to hold onto the moments that are whizzing me past. I just feel a lot of confliction around me right now.
However, this week I am going out for Sushi and going to pick up a few bits of yarn so lets hope that it will help. Sushi and Retail therapy always seems to help right? especially if it involves yarn.
Also what the hell am I going to do for dinner?
It's actually making me pretty paranoid, at this point I'm seriously contemplating putting everything about my kids on the parenting group, even the little nonsensical stuff, simply because some of the childfree drama is...well it's fucking scary. I know that there are a few people on my f-list that are childfree and part of the communities and I hope that throughout the years I've been pretty good about not bugging them to have kids of their own and keeping my kids to appropriate venues such as..my own journal..(though forkgirl I know that thanksgiving with Hunter was pushing it..but I remember -trying- to keep him away from you..there are some vague recolections of him handing you newspapers again and again but I hope that wasn't too much). It's not you all that worry me..it's the ones who photoshop dead babies being fucked or use abortion pictures as avi's or who are scarily militant. I just..it would kill me to see my kids pics being used in that sort of situation.
This is something I'm going to have to think about, my desire to write and be public against the fear of the interwebs and the wingnuts that populates it. Because people who watch people kill themselves over the internet? scare me.
Alright, past the world of interweb paranoia.
My world of frienships is shifting now, with Fayne moving back to Washington and other people that have roatated out and in, concerning my circle. I am going to have a huge gaping hole where she was and it is going to hurt me and not only me but my kids desperately. However I am not willing to throw myself into some situations simply because the people involved...drive me bugfuck nuts. I have a real problem with people who think they deserve more than they give. I understand that friendships take effort on both sides and if I don't put my effort in that if the friendship flounders it's my fault. Sometimes I really regret this, sometimes I don't. But regardless I understand the point.
I don't get it when people don't put any effort into seeing you or spending time with you or acknowledging the big parts of your life as they are going on and then expecting you to pick up the friendship when they choose to without any issues. I don't understand why I invariably do the hard work of a friendship, the helping out the going above and beyond and other people get the credit. Especially when those other people are spoiled rotten, tacky, rude, self important people who ask for help for the most ridiculous things. Seriously? Journals and twitter are not the way to ask for helps/gifts..it's just tacky.
I'm not writing this to stirr the pot or point fingers. Trust me if you're on my friends list and know about this journal it's not you. I'm just...tired. And I'm loosing my bestfriend and I am disparing that I will fill that hole that she's leaving. I am also struggling to find a balance in the new role I am in, chomping at the bit to get back to school and get on with my life and desperate to hold onto the moments that are whizzing me past. I just feel a lot of confliction around me right now.
However, this week I am going out for Sushi and going to pick up a few bits of yarn so lets hope that it will help. Sushi and Retail therapy always seems to help right? especially if it involves yarn.
Also what the hell am I going to do for dinner?