(no subject)
Getting off work at 4 am is a pain in the ass but my coworkers are my best friends and we lounged in the grass outside and shotgunned beers on our breaks and after work they went off to party together and I wish I could've come but I'm really pretty tired and Cole would wonder where I was if I weren't back before he got up in the morning to leave for work.
I'm too in love with them. Fernando has a peugeot and we ride our peugeots around together and then there's Jake who's hilarious and Spencer who is an asshole but a funny asshole and Keegan who paints a lot and invites me to all his art shows and the other Jake who is beautiful, quiet, and vegetarian. Oh Jake! I have such a crush on you. Jake was not working tonight but he showed up to say hi to us and he was wearing a bright bright purple shirt and had his long hair down and looked fantastic.
You know who else I have a big crush on? This boy who I kept meeting at parties last year, his name is Nick, we always had the best conversations and would talk forever and ever. I ran into him again at a party not long ago and we talked a lot about old bikes and indie bands and all that shit that hipster kids like to talk about. He is a film student and is a senior this year and is filming his final project and invited me to come be an extra in it and so I did and it was very fun. He is tall and gorgeous. He is going places.
I could date them if I wanted to, I think. I think they like me. I think a lot of boys like me. I think I have become rather skilled at getting boys to like me.
I am talking about boys I have crushes on because I am not not happy with this relationship with Cole. Cole is always irritable and unmotivated and brash and boring. Cole writes these amazing poems and things from time to time and I just don't understand how he can be so very smart and yet so very uninteresting. There is something wrong with him. There is some faulty bridge between his mind and his actions.
Cole pays my rent so I can't break up with him. Cole waters my plants and feeds my cats when I'm not around. I need him. And I care about him very much. I know him too well. We make strange faces at each other across the room. I dance around our room in my underwear and make dinosaur noises and he laughs at me and makes dinosaur noises back.
I'm too in love with them. Fernando has a peugeot and we ride our peugeots around together and then there's Jake who's hilarious and Spencer who is an asshole but a funny asshole and Keegan who paints a lot and invites me to all his art shows and the other Jake who is beautiful, quiet, and vegetarian. Oh Jake! I have such a crush on you. Jake was not working tonight but he showed up to say hi to us and he was wearing a bright bright purple shirt and had his long hair down and looked fantastic.
You know who else I have a big crush on? This boy who I kept meeting at parties last year, his name is Nick, we always had the best conversations and would talk forever and ever. I ran into him again at a party not long ago and we talked a lot about old bikes and indie bands and all that shit that hipster kids like to talk about. He is a film student and is a senior this year and is filming his final project and invited me to come be an extra in it and so I did and it was very fun. He is tall and gorgeous. He is going places.
I could date them if I wanted to, I think. I think they like me. I think a lot of boys like me. I think I have become rather skilled at getting boys to like me.
I am talking about boys I have crushes on because I am not not happy with this relationship with Cole. Cole is always irritable and unmotivated and brash and boring. Cole writes these amazing poems and things from time to time and I just don't understand how he can be so very smart and yet so very uninteresting. There is something wrong with him. There is some faulty bridge between his mind and his actions.
Cole pays my rent so I can't break up with him. Cole waters my plants and feeds my cats when I'm not around. I need him. And I care about him very much. I know him too well. We make strange faces at each other across the room. I dance around our room in my underwear and make dinosaur noises and he laughs at me and makes dinosaur noises back.