disappear *updated email*
If I beg and if I cry
Would it change the sky tonight?
Would it give me some light?
Should I wait for you to call?
Is there any hope at all?
With results out tomorrow, I cannot stop worrying about how both Fad & I fared. Seriously, the wait is tiring enough. Had to wait since May. Although I was enjoying my summer holidays & making full use of all the freedom I have & earning as much as I can, it's still tiring. Especially work. I'm thinking of starting to tutor after my term starts. And leave sistic or something. I'm hoping Universal Studios would hurry up and send me for training already!
& i received a sad piece of news from Daddy over dinner today. Our beloved god grandpa passed away just recently in their Colorado home. He lost to a Stage 4 brain tumor. It's a very aggressive cancer called Glioblastoma. I cried reading the email Grandma Chris sent.I havent seen both of them for nearly 10 years ever since they moved back to the US. Even though we kept in touch via email and video clips but I still miss them. Because every Christmas is different without them. They're the only reason we celebrate Christmas with. I remember whispering to Grandpa one Christmas that I'll come to US to visit him when I'm big. I guess the only way to meet him now is in Heaven :'( I bawled my eyes out.
From: Chris Warren
Subject: Dick Warren
To: "My Love For Every and Every"
Date: Tuesday, 11 August, 2009, 5:28 AM
To One and All:
This is one of the hardest e-mails I have ever had to write or am ever going to have to write.
Dick, the love of my life for almost 33 years (32 married and six months going together) succumbed to the cancer in his brain on Friday, August 07, 2009 between 2 a.m. and 3:30 a.m. He really did fight, but in the end, his body just could not go on.
Back in November 2008, Dick was diagnosed w/a stroke. He continued to complain that something wasn't right. He just didn't feel right. We had blood tests done, an MRI, more tests...but everything came out ok. We went to speech therapy to try to help him. It was almost as if he had Alzheimers, which everyone attributed to the stroke.
In March/April, I took Dick w/me on a tdy to Dallas, Texas to hopefully help him get out of "the dumps", to see if a lower altitude and different temperatures would help. After awhile, he didn't want to do anything anymore...not go out to get dinner, go swimming, or even to the jacuzzi. He said he didn't know what it was...but he also really didn't want to go home before my tdy was finished.
When we got back home, I took Dick to the doctor and he took some blood tests and we made an appointment to come back the next week. We were getting ready to leave the house the following Monday (May 04, 2009) when Dick said something wasn't right. He then blacked out (seconds only) and fell. I could not help up and no one was at home, so I called 911. The paramedics checked him and said they were transporting him to the hospital and which hospital did he want to go to. Dick likes Parker Hospital and even though he couldn't express which he preferred (he was pretty confused), I suggested Parker Hospital. Once there, they did tests and thought his problem was very low blood pressure and sugar levels. They admitted him and I stayed until around midnight to make sure all questions were answered, pill lists given to the emergency room staff, etc. and then I left to go home. They said he was going for a CAT scan. Around 2 a.m., I received a call from the hospital that he was being moved to ICU because they saw something on the CAT scan. On Tuesday morning, May 07, 2009, I went to the hospital and they ran a bunch more tests and another CAT scan. It was said he had some blood on the brain....not sure if it was an old bleed or new one. They were calling in a neuro surgeon. Nothing was said to us and so I left the hospital after visiting hours on Tuesday night.
On Wednesday, our DSAC, Paul Maldondo, had been to see Dick and said he had his breakfast tray. Paul asked Dick if he wanted him to help feed him and Dick said no, that he'd eat later. Paul called me and I said I was 5 minutes out and that I'd help him when I got to the hospital. When I got to the hospital, there was no food tray. I asked his nurse where it was and the nurse said ... he couldn't have anything by mouth..that he was having surgery at 7:30 p.m. I was shocked - I asked - what kind of surgery and the nurse seemed to think we knew...and when he learned we didn't know why, he said we'd need to wait for the doctor. The doctor came out of surgery about 2 hours later and told us that Dick had a tumor and some of the ramifications and asked if he wanted the surgery. Dick said yes.
So....Dick had brain tumor surgery on Wednesday, the 07th of May. We were advised it was a Stage 4 Cancer and the tumor could not be removed. It was a very aggressive cancer that is called a glioblastoma. The surgeon is a very humble man who was very forthcoming w/answers to any questions we had and answered in lay person terms. He told us that if we did nothing, Dick probably had 2 months to live. If we did chemo and/or radiation, he could have maybe 14 months.
Dick was transferred to Spalding Rehabilitation Hospital on May 13, 2009. He had physical therapists, speech therapists and occupational therapists. Sometimes, he just could not do the therapy...other days, he did well. We went to see an oncologist who gave us basically the same info as the neuro surgeon. Both the surgeon and oncologist could not believe that Dick had been misdiagnosed back in November. Both also agreed that it was NOT a stroke back in November - but the tumor...so way back in November, he had a tumor and that is why Dick knew something was wrong, but couldn't figure out what. The oncologist advised us w/Dick's other medical issues, he did not believe radiation (5 days a week for 6 1/2 weeks) followed by chemo would help Dick have a better quality of life. He also said the procedures might speed up the growth of the tumor, giving us less time.
During all this time, we have been very fortunate to have the support of family and friends. My brother, Larry and his wife, Stracy, came out from Phoenix, AZ, as well as my brother, Mike who came in from Clevland, OH. Our niece and nephew, Dawn and Joe (who we raised from the time they were young) came in from the Cleveland, OH and Iraq & helped w/things around the house. Our granddaughter, Tiffany came in from Phoenix, AZ. Our friends, Corina, Dani, Sharon, Sheila, and Sue (alpha order) have been with me from day one and have been a huge help. My bosses, Jeff, Paul, Mike and Betsy also have helped w/support, food and understanding. My brother, Mike, came out again and cleared up many things and installed many things in the house as well as having a yard sale to help me raise money. Two of our other friends, Enid and Mike Bergum have also been helping behind the scenes.
Dick had many visitors to wish him well and just be there for him....members of our Aurora Lions Club - Micki, Ana, Lucille and Royce, as well as our very close friends who are members from our original club - The Peoria Sunset Lions Club, Joan and Ralph Williamson, our friend, Lee Schoenike, as well as all our friends and relatives mentioned above....and others from my office - Eric, Tony, Lou, Sherry, Christina, Marcella, Michelle, Kim, and Kristen. Dick was so loved that our friends pitched in w/food, pickups and drop offs at the airport for out of town family, grocery runs, etc. We will never forget all the kindness.
We decided to do nothing and so Dick came home on May 26, 2009. We signed up for hospice, so two days a week for about an hour to two hours his nurse, Cindy, came out and talked w/us and checked Dick's vital signs, worked w/the. doctor for meds, etc. Also, two days a week his CNA, Sabrina, (and later a second CNA Stephanie would come to assist Sabrina each time) to give Dick a bed bath, shave him, etc. We were very lucky to have Chaplain Frank and Social Worker Anne from hospice to keep us grounded and give us information which proved invaluable.
As time progressed, and Dick started losing more of his strengh and his legs could no longer hold him, I could no longer care for him by myself. This is when many of our friends that I have worked with and work with now collected money to help me be able to hire someone to assist in taking care of Dick. I hired Debbie Cowan (referred by the Aurora Lions Club...which Dick and I are members of). Deb has medical assistance training/and a certificate and a certificate as a massage therapist. She was a terrific help....but she only worked 5 hours a day, 5 days a week. That still left many hours I was alone to take care of him. Again, as he lost more of his normal physical and mental abilities...I needed to get more help. My office & friends again came to the rescue. I was able to bring in our daughter, Brenda, from Phoenix, AZ to Colorado to be w/me 24/7 and help w/her Dad. This worked out for both of us....she got to be w/her Dad and to help take care of him. I was able to pay her rent, phone & utilities for her so she could come out....and I got much needed help. (Her boss is holding her job for her because of the circumstances).
Every once in awhile, for a period of a few minutes to almost a half hour, Dick could carry on a normal conversation and would be joking or laughing. Because of the tumor, he lost a lot of memory and this continued to get worse so he didn't always remember things, but he could still come up w/quick retorts and "digs".
As the tumor continued to grow (very agressive and fast growing), Dick could no longer talk normally, he talked (gibberish, most of the time) to friends/family Brenda and I could not see. He would reach out to them, wave at them, wave them into the room and ask Brenda and me to say hi to them. He would also get upset w/us and apologize to them (his invisible friends) whenever Brenda or I "stepped on them or walked in front of them", etc. Towards the end, he could no longer swallow meds, eat or drink. We checked out the pros and cons of using a feeding tube/intravenous feeding, but realized it would only prolong his vegetative state and he would never be back to the old Dick we all loved. We also talked w/medical personnel and nurses and they all told us that we would just be prolonging the inevitable. Dick did not even want water/food towards the end, even though we tried to give him some....
Since he could no longer eat/swallow his pills, he was on only liquid meds and only for pain and anxiety and the gurgling in his throat the last 5 days of his life...enough to keep him comfortable.
Brenda and I took turns giving him his meds every two hours. Normally, I took the 1:30 a.m. meds and then the 3:30 a.m. meds and would then go to sleep. Brenda would then take the 5:30, 7:30 and 9:30 a.m. shift and then we'd split up the rest of the day to be sure he got all his meds (every 2 hours). But on Thursday night, I just could not stay awake. I woke and gave Dick his 1:30 a.m. meds and then around 2 a.m., the meds that were being specially delivered arrived. Dick was super hot...I have never felt anyone that hot. I turned on the cooler and talked w/him a bit...even though he was sleeping. I went back to sleep (Dick's hospital bed was in the family room and I would sleep in the chair in the family room). At 3:30, I woke to give him his meds, and he was already gone. I felt so bad and so helpless. But - we are sure he is now with God and enjoying a life of no pain and no suffering. For that, we are very grateful.
We did have quite a few signs that Dick is in heaven w/Jesus. On Wednesday, before his death, we saw many groups of white birds flying from all sides of our house, fly in circles and then fly away - but not so far that they got out of sight...but they just disappeared and then more and more birds would fly around. We've never seen them before. Another sign - on Friday morning, after we knew he had died, Brenda went outside for a smoke and looked up in the sky. There - clear as anything, was a cloud shaped like an angel w/a star right by her. In the middle of all the other clouds were many stars which Krystal (Brenda's 12-year old daughter who came to see her Papa one last time about a week ago) figures the stars were family and friends coming to get Dick to escort him to Heaven. Then - right after the body was removed from the house, there was a dove in the tree right behind our house and then another dove came and they were kissing....
We selected Gordon Funeral & Cremation Services. The owner is Mike Gordon who is a very honest and kind man. He made various suggestions to help us save money. We are going to have Dick cremated and put into the Angel Urn we have purchased. There will be a Mass on August 28, 2009 at 10:00 a.m. at Our Lady of Loreto Church, located at 18000 E. Arapahoe Rd., Foxfield, Colorado, 80016 (we are members of this church which is very close to our house). Their phone number is: (303) 766-3800. There will be a small reception at the church right after the Mass. At least those are the plans right now. I will keep the urn w/Dick's ashes here at home w/me.
Anyhow...thank you all for all your prayers as Dick really did not suffer the type of pain that most cancers cause. He did ache quite a bit towards the end, as he had lost a lot of weight and w/o being able to exercise, the skin from his stomach just weighed on his hips. It made it very difficult to turn him or clean him without causing pain. He did have headaches off and on and his back hurt from laying and not being able to get out of bed. Pain was taken care of by the pain medications for the most part. As he would go to sleep, he seemed to laugh a lot or smile in his sleep. Again thank you all for your thoughts & prayers.
In lieu of flowers, we are requesting donations to the Roger Von Amelunxen Foundation, Inc. Their address and phone number are: 104-15 100th Street, Ozone Park, NY 11417 718-641-4800. Their fax is: 718-641-4802. Their website is www.rogerfoundation.org This foundation's purpose is to provide financial assistance to U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcment and U.S. Customs and Border Protection employees and their immediate families nationwide. Dick and I were very fortunate recipients of financial aid from this foundation. Their administrative costs are one of the lowest I have seen for a charitable organization only 1.2%. Again thank you all.
Chris
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. I'm not old. I'm chronologically gifted.
_________________________________
update:
From: Julie Jamel
Subject: Stay strong, Grandma
Date: Monday, August 31, 2009, 7:57 AM
I'm sorry to hear about Grandpa's demise. I am absolutely heartbroken when Dad broke the news to us during dinner today. He then forwarded your email to us. For those of us lucky enough to have known him, Grandpa radiated a contagious exuberance for life and also personified the very definition of a true friend, especially to both my parents. Even though I was still very young when we met, he will always put a smile on my face. To say that he will be missed beyond words is an understatement. My heart goes out to his loved ones, especially you, Grandma (hugs tight).
It's now the fasting month for the Muslims. And we believe that anyone who passed on during this holy month will go to heaven. So I believe Grandpa will be in a great place, without much suffering. I hope and pray that he's fine up there.
Missed you Grandma. Please stay strong. ♥
ps. Pass my hellos to Dawn & Joey.
Love you,
Juliza Jamel
___________________________
From: Chris Warren Sent:
01 September 2009 13: 18PM
To: Julie Jamel
Thank you Juliza. I will definitely pass your e-mail on to Dawn and Joe. Joe is in IRAQ right now. Dawn was here for awhile and then came back for the funeral. She lives in Ohio, so we don't get to see her unless she travels or we do. As I told your Mom... I am glad Grandpa Dick is in heaven...no more pain, no more suffering. He probably can walk w/o a cane now and read, play pool, golf, etc....and is probably catching all the fish he wants.
It will be hard for me to get over this as we did everything together. I pray for strength to keep going and learn to live w/o the love of my life....my best friend.
Thanks for your note....
Grandma
stay strong, Grandma