(no subject)
tomorrow will be the start of many stressful days and sleepless nights.
I do not know how to prioritize anymore.
Which is more important?
Being independent (working) or being independent (schooling).
Either ways, my parents are no longer keeping tail at me.
Which is the same as ignoring or not giving me attention of course.
My dad just gave me a necklace for a belated 21st birthday. My mom thinks im 22 this year so I think I dont really matter that much in this family. Sigh, got used to it so many years ago. I kept on getting hurt every year so whats the point being hurt again now.
But of course I'm touched. My dad is a man who will not be seen in a jewelers picking out pendants even though he has 3 daughters.
Anyway, that is not the point of this sudden blog entry.
I just feel puzzled and needed somewhere to lay down my thoughts systematically.
Firstly, im keeping way too much to myself and limit access to the people around me only (ie, my bf, rose and fad)
Which is actually a good thing. I guess. Reverting to my old self, I guess.
People who jaga tepi kain orang deserve to be kentot at.
Another thing that throws me off my comfort zone is that my bf recently told me he's planning an overseas trip to BKK with his NIE friends (which includes girls too) and I am perfectly fine with it. Which surprised me.
I had that mentality that I should NOT be fine with it but here I am, cool as a cucumber.
I even slept it off.
I dont know if im being ignorant but Im defintely not jealous.
WHY!
Just today, I had a revelation. No, actually I thought of this scenario years ago and it kinda stuck to me like a SOP.
SOP = Standard Operation Procedure
I think the one that I was going through is SEP
SEP = Standard Emotional Procedure
I basically thought of how I would react when he breaks the news to me.
Because since I cannot travel with him while we're still unmarried, I couldnt impose that he stay boring and rot in SG with me.
Of course I envy friends who get to travel with their partners and my parents just decide to be anal about travelling.
But I understand where theyre coming from and my responsibility as a daughter.
And my parents being a little traditional, it is not "nice" for an unmarried girl to travel with an unmarried guy.
Simply put, it be the best base for my parent's maknenek friends to start a gossip.
Anyways, I;m not really sore about not being able to travel alone with my bf now.
Although I find that saving the best for last (ie after marriage) is fun. I mean, it'd be a whole new experience!
So back to the topic...
I'm just surprised about my reaction to his piece of news for me.
I expected myself to be jealous or something but I guess it wont be coming from me cos it'll be really unfair for him that he cant travel with me (due to my parent's restrictions) and yet im practicing it on him that if he cant travel with me, he cant travel with anyone.
If the day really happens, I hope that's when we are married because at least I have a reason to say that.
But for now, he has his own life to experience and I wont be the one telling him what he can or cannot do.
I'm just glad he found friends he could trust to travel safely together.
(sad happy face)
Actually.
I;m having second thoughts about sitting for my paper tomorrow.
ok bye!
Gossip Girl & Pretty Little Liars time!
I do not know how to prioritize anymore.
Which is more important?
Being independent (working) or being independent (schooling).
Either ways, my parents are no longer keeping tail at me.
Which is the same as ignoring or not giving me attention of course.
My dad just gave me a necklace for a belated 21st birthday. My mom thinks im 22 this year so I think I dont really matter that much in this family. Sigh, got used to it so many years ago. I kept on getting hurt every year so whats the point being hurt again now.
But of course I'm touched. My dad is a man who will not be seen in a jewelers picking out pendants even though he has 3 daughters.
Anyway, that is not the point of this sudden blog entry.
I just feel puzzled and needed somewhere to lay down my thoughts systematically.
Firstly, im keeping way too much to myself and limit access to the people around me only (ie, my bf, rose and fad)
Which is actually a good thing. I guess. Reverting to my old self, I guess.
People who jaga tepi kain orang deserve to be kentot at.
Another thing that throws me off my comfort zone is that my bf recently told me he's planning an overseas trip to BKK with his NIE friends (which includes girls too) and I am perfectly fine with it. Which surprised me.
I had that mentality that I should NOT be fine with it but here I am, cool as a cucumber.
I even slept it off.
I dont know if im being ignorant but Im defintely not jealous.
WHY!
Just today, I had a revelation. No, actually I thought of this scenario years ago and it kinda stuck to me like a SOP.
SOP = Standard Operation Procedure
I think the one that I was going through is SEP
SEP = Standard Emotional Procedure
I basically thought of how I would react when he breaks the news to me.
Because since I cannot travel with him while we're still unmarried, I couldnt impose that he stay boring and rot in SG with me.
Of course I envy friends who get to travel with their partners and my parents just decide to be anal about travelling.
But I understand where theyre coming from and my responsibility as a daughter.
And my parents being a little traditional, it is not "nice" for an unmarried girl to travel with an unmarried guy.
Simply put, it be the best base for my parent's maknenek friends to start a gossip.
Anyways, I;m not really sore about not being able to travel alone with my bf now.
Although I find that saving the best for last (ie after marriage) is fun. I mean, it'd be a whole new experience!
So back to the topic...
I'm just surprised about my reaction to his piece of news for me.
I expected myself to be jealous or something but I guess it wont be coming from me cos it'll be really unfair for him that he cant travel with me (due to my parent's restrictions) and yet im practicing it on him that if he cant travel with me, he cant travel with anyone.
If the day really happens, I hope that's when we are married because at least I have a reason to say that.
But for now, he has his own life to experience and I wont be the one telling him what he can or cannot do.
I'm just glad he found friends he could trust to travel safely together.
(sad happy face)
Actually.
I;m having second thoughts about sitting for my paper tomorrow.
ok bye!
Gossip Girl & Pretty Little Liars time!