Alignments Outtake: The Year of Cold Feet
Title: The Year of Cold Feet
Word Count: 2700
Characters: Remus, Sirius, minor OFC
Summary: Remus, a liar and an occasional coward, is falling in love and dealing with the consequences.
For aquila_star, who wanted more R/S.
'For a good cause,' Sirius replied with no hesitation at all.'>
Winter 1978
Despite the fact that Remus had told him not to a hundred times, Sirius had Apparated to the supermarket again. He found Remus in the Canned Goods aisle, absent-mindedly stocking canned tomatoes on the bottom shelf.
He cleared his throat. Remus glanced up and jumped.
“Sirius!” he exclaimed in a low voice. Then his eyes narrowed. “Did you Apparate here?”
“It’s a supermarket,” Sirius said, leaning on the shelf next to Remus, hands stuffed in the pockets of his overcoat. “Anyone can come in.”
“Anyone can walk though the door,” Remus corrected. “Apparate to the wizarding pub down the street and walk in here, Sirius, just like everyone else.”
“How do you know I didn’t?” Sirius asked.
Remus rolled his eyes.
“Well, no one was watching,” Sirius said.
Remus sighed, stood up, and wiped his hands on his smock. “Never mind. What are you doing here anyway?”
“Got the afternoon off.” Sirius eyed Remus slowly, carefully, a little predatory. He began to smile.
“Don’t do that!” Remus whispered, blushing and mortified.
“There’s no one here,” Sirius said, glancing around. It was true; it was mid-afternoon, and the store was almost empty.
“Still.”
“Does this mean you don’t want to leave early with me?” Sirius asked. “I’m willing to go home via the pub.”
Remus licked his lips and checked his watch. “Shift isn’t over for another half hour.”
“Doesn’t the manager leave early on Tuesdays?” Sirius asked.
Remus hesitated. “You’re going to get me fired.”
“For a good cause,” Sirius replied with no hesitation at all.
Remus hesitated again and then nodded. In a second his smock was off, draped over the flat of cans he had been putting on the shelves. “Let me tell Jackie, though,” he said. “So no one comes looking for me.”
The canned tomatoes were back on the dolly and wheeled back to the stock room almost before Sirius knew what had happened. Coat in hand, Remus exchanged a few words with the cashier at the front of the store, a blond girl with a ponytail who glanced back at Sirius curiously but nodded her assent.
Remus was already halfway out the door before Sirius realized he needed to catch up.
“What are you waiting for?” Remus called back gleefully, already walking quickly towards the wizarding pub down the road. “Last one back to the flat loses!” His scarf trailed after him, a spot of red in the cold, grey street.
Spring 1978
Remus was lying on his stomach on the sitting room floor in Sirius’ flat, one hand under the couch, searching for his left shoe, when he heard Sirius’ voice behind him.
“You don’t always have to leave right away, you know,” Sirius said softly.
Remus backed out from under the sofa cautiously and sat cross-legged on the floor. He felt the soft thud of his shoe against his thigh as Sirius accioed it for him.
“You’re not taking this Muggle thing very seriously,” Remus said crossly, starting to tie his shoes, not meeting Sirius’ gaze.
Sirius shrugged. “I like living here, but I’m not a Squib.”
“Nothing wrong with being a Squib,” Remus said automatically, then frowned. “Or a Muggle, for that matter.”
Sirius shrugged again.
“I’m taking it seriously,” Remus said. “Muggle jobs pay well.”
Sirius raised his eyebrows.
“Well, Muggle jobs have other advantages,” Remus amended.
Then, after a moment, he amended again: “Well, the supermarket did hire me.”
“Muggle jobs are fine with me,” Sirius said. "If that's what you want."
“I would have got it eventually,” Remus said as if he felt he had to make a point. “The shoe, I mean. I don’t know how it got back there.”
“Next time you can do it yourself,” Sirius said reasonably. “You just didn’t look very comfortable.”
Remus struggled to get to his feet, trying to suppress a smile. “I don’t know how they do it, Muggles. It must be a hard life.”
Sirius laughed, reaching out to give Remus a hand. “They probably get more sleep than you do. And they learn not to kick off their shoes.”
Remus straightened up and let go of Sirius’ hand. They stood there for several moments in silence.
“So,” Sirius said.
Remus shifted. “Early shift tomorrow,” he said. “It's really late. I should go.”
“What time are you off?”
“Half three. And you?”
Sirius thought for a moment. “Should be finished by six. See you then?”
Remus nodded, his hand already on the door knob. “I’ll be here. Good night.”
Sirius nodded, too. “Good night.”
*
This time Sirius Apparated to the wizarding pub and walked to the supermarket where Remus worked, as he'd been told. It was a grey and rainy late afternoon, and the street was almost deserted apart from two figures standing at the supermarket entrance.
Remus and Jackie were standing under a single umbrella, sharing a cigarette, talking quietly. The cigarette was almost done, and Remus tossed it on the pavement and ground it under his heel. Jackie fumbled in her purse for another.
“Hi,” Sirius said as he approached.
Remus looked up, startled, and then smiled, so wide it must have hurt.
“Hi,” he said softly. Then: “Jackie, you know my friend Sirius.”
Jackie laughed. “Of course.”
“Nice to meet you,” Sirius said. Then to Remus: “Shall we go?”
“See you tomorrow, Jackie,” Remus said. Jackie nodded.
As they walked away Remus brushed up against Sirius’ shoulder. Twice.
“No kissing when we get back to the flat,” Sirius whispered. “Not until you’ve cleaned your teeth.”
Summer 1978
Sirus and Remus were sprawled across the two sofas in the sitting room in Sirius’ flat, stocking feet propped up on the furniture, take-out boxes scattered across the room, heat and the late-night dinner making them sleepy.
“Were you wearing that shirt yesterday?” Sirius asked, lifting his head a bit to look at Remus.
Remus’ eyes were closed. “That’s what my mother asked.”
“Just because your mother suggested changing it doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good idea,” Sirius said.
“Umm,” Remus said sleepily.
“I could take it to the launderette around the corner,” Sirius said. “I’m going to try it out on Saturday. It looks interesting.”
“Even Muggles hate the launderette,” Remus said. “Stick with the cleaning charms.”
Sirius yawned.
Remus yawned, too, then cleared his throat.
“Did I tell you my parents want me to get married this summer?” Remus asked.
Sirius sat bolt upright. “What?”
“It’s my friend Jackie,” Remus said. “Do you remember her?”
“The Muggle at the supermarket?” Sirius asked, casting about, confused.
Remus frowned. “That’s not her distinguishing characteristic, Sirius.”
Sirius sighed. “Fine.” He thought for a moment. “The plump one?”
“God forbid James ever drops you, you’ll have no friends,” Remus said. “Anyway, she’s not plump, she’s pregnant.”
“Oh.” Sirius did not know what to say to that. “She’s not married, is she?”
“No,” Remus said. “Though it’s not such a big deal for Muggles, not being married. Not like it is for us.”
“Are you saying your parents want you to marry Jackie?” Sirius said, perplexed.
Remus now lifted his feet from the end table and sat up properly. “I might have given them the idea that Jackie and I were dating,” he said cautiously.
Sirius looked at him.
“I’m not, you know,” Remus said.
Sirius snorted.
“Right. Well. It seemed like a good thing to say at the time. Explaining why I’m never home.”
“’I’m out,’ might have been a better idea,” Sirius said dryly. "Or 'none of your business.'”
Remus frowned. “It’s not that easy, Sirius,” he said. “They deserve some kind of explanation. I’m living with them.”
“You don’t have to,” Sirius pointed out.
“Can’t afford anything else,” Remus replied.
“That’s not what I meant,” Sirius said.
This time Remus did not reply.
Sirius sighed. “Well, does Jackie expect you to marry her? Does she know you two are, er, dating?”
Remus smiled. “No, she doesn’t expect that. Although I suppose she’s feeling very alone right now.”
“So there’s no problem, is there?” Sirus said with every attempt to be reasonable. “It’s like last summer, when your parents wanted you to move to Bulgaria and participate in those Wolfsbane tests. Say no.”
“They were so upset,” Remus said slowly. “I was working at the supermarket when I should have been thinking about a cure.” He paused. “They hate the supermarket, but this might be worse. We're already fighting. They're already so angry. I don’t know what to do.”
“You made the right choice, though, last summer.”
“Did I?” Remus asked.
Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Don’t tell me you’ve given this any serious thought.”
“What?” Remus asked.
Sirius fixed him with a stare.
“Oh. No. Not getting married, don’t worry,” Remus said. “It’s just that they’re so...disappointed.”
“Children are disappointing,” Sirius said sourly.
Remus scowled at him. “Just because you hate your parents doesn’t mean everyone does.”
Sirius stood up and joined Remus on his couch. Remus pulled away for a moment, then shifted so that his head was resting on Sirius’ shoulder.
“Look, I understand,” Sirius said gently. “I don’t want James to be disappointed in me, either. You could...you could just tell them you were lying about Jackie.”
Remus hmphed skeptically.
“Or that you broke up?”
Remus frowned. “With my pregnant fiancee?”
“You’re engaged?” Sirius asked, his voice rising, out of control.
“No, no,” Remus said quickly. “But they want me to be. I’m just trying to see things as they see them.”
Sirius relaxed somewhat.
“I don’t know,” Sirius said after a moment, frustration showing through. “You’re the one who’s good at lying.”
Remus buried his face in Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius ran his hands across Remus’ back, stroking calmly, until it was time for Remus to leave.
*
A few weeks later Remus was washing up in the bathroom in Sirius’ flat when he saw Sirius’ face appear in the mirror beside him. He smiled.
“I saw the second toothbrush, the new one” Remus said, nodding at it, sitting there in the glass near the sink, leaning against the first.
Sirius smiled back, disappearing from the mirror for a moment while he pulled his pajama top over his head. “And James says I’m not subtle. Stay tonight.”
Remus hesitated, and Sirius reached out and slipped his arms around Remus’ waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Why not?” he asked softly.
“It’s not you, Sirius, it’s me,” Remus said. He sighed, and his eyes slipped from Sirius’ in the mirror. “And other things.”
“What other things?” Sirius asked. “Don’t tell me it’s your parents again.”
Remus reached out for the towel, and Sirius released him. Remus dried his hands and face slowly and slipped the towel back on the rack. He turned around to face Sirius, leaned back against the sink, sighed, and crossed his arms across his chest.
“Really? Do you want to hear?” Remus asked.
Sirius nodded.
“You have cold feet,” Remus said.
“What?”
Remus was smiling now, just slightly. “Cold feet.”
“I have cold feet?” Sirius exclaimed, then stopped short. “Oh. Really?” He looked down and rubbed the toes of his right foot against his left.
“And cold hands, actually,” Remus asked. “And the bad habit of touching me on the stomach in the middle of the night.”
Sirius thought for a moment. “Wait here.”
He disappeared into the bedroom for a moment, then returned with a package of socks. “See?” He held them up for Remus’ inspection.
Remus nodded.
Sirius turned the toilet seat down, sat down, and pulled apart the plastic packaging. “Got these at the market last weekend,” he said. “Very Muggle, don’t you think?”
He help up a pair of long white cotton socks with three thick navy blue stripes at the top.
“Tube socks,” Remus said.
Sirius frowned. “Like the Underground?”
Remus shook his head. “I don’t know. They’re a bit ugly, don’t you think?”
Sirius pulled on one sock, then the other, and then stood up again.
“That wasn’t so hard, hm? Some things you can do something about.”
Remus smiled.
“Come to bed?”
Remus nodded. “Fingers away from the stomach.”
“You keep your shirt on, then,” Sirius said with a smirk.
Remus turned off the light in the bathroom as he left. Sirius was already waiting in bed.
He undressed and lay down, and Sirius curled up against him. A cotton toe reached over and rubbed his foot.
“Better?” Sirius asked.
“Umm.” Remus replied. “Better.”
Autumn 1978
When Sirius arrived home that afternoon, Remus was already sitting in the hallway, leaning against the door to the flat. There was a bag from the supermarket beside him and, nearby, two large suitcases.
“Hi,” Sirius said tentatively.
“Hi,” Remus said.
Sirius pulled out his keys to the flat. “So.”
“I brought some cleaning supplies,” Remus said. “I couldn’t believe you didn’t know the toilet had to be cleaned. You need help.”
Sirius smiled. “Don’t bring that up. I can’t believe I didn’t know that, either.”
“Bloody pureblood,” Remus said, smiling back. “Can’t do anything without a house elf.”
Sirius picked up the supermarket bag and glanced inside. “I’m sure there are spells we can use.”
Remus nodded. “Although my mother says these work better sometimes.”
They moved Remus’ things inside the flat and closed the door behind them.
“Did your parents kick you out?” Sirius asked softly.
“No,” Remus said. “But let’s say I’m taking preventative measures so that doesn’t happen.” He took a deep breath.
Sirius waited.
"I told them I was working nights at the supermarket now," Remus said. "I wouldn't be home very much."
Sirius waited again.
“I don’t think they believed me.”
Sirius waited again.
“No reason why they should, really,” Remus said dispassionately. “I wasn’t that convincing. I didn’t try that hard.”
Sirius nodded.
“I only took some clothes. And a few books. I thought I might go back on weekends sometimes.”
“That sounds good,” Sirius said.
He reached out and touched the back of Remus’ neck gently. He felt a shudder run through Remus, then a deep, wrenching sob. He pulled Remus close and wrapped both his arms around him.
*
It was almost winter again, and the morning air was cold and crisp when Remus opened the window at Sirius’ flat to collect the owl post.
“What’s there?” Sirius asked absently. He was standing in the kitchen, washing up the breakfast dishes.
“The Prophet, something from James, and- ” Remus paused. “Damn.”
“What?” Sirius asked.
“My parents. Another Howler.” Remus said.
“Don’t just stand there,” Sirius said, and Remus moved into action. He grabbed the letter, raced to the sofa, and shoved it under one of the cushions.
Mr. Lupin’s voice came through, muffled but still audible.
Remus grabbed another pillow, threw it on the sofa and, in a fit of desperation, lay down on top of it. Sirius laughed and lay down on top of him.
“Almost over?” he said, his own voice muffled by Remus’ back.
Remus raised his head slightly. “Can hardly hear it this way, actually. We’ll have to remember for next time.”
After a moment the Howler was done. Sirus rolled off of Remus and onto the floor. Remus stood up and pulled the shards of the Howler out from under the cushions. Sirus pulled out his wand and banished the ashes. Remus shoved the remains of the Howler in his pocket.
“All right?” he asked Remus.
“All right,” Remus said.
He looked at Sirius for intently for a long, quiet moment. Then leaned over and, touching Sirius' cheek gently, whispered three words in his ear.
Sirius froze. “You do?” he asked.
Remus nodded and sat down on the floor next to Sirius. “I do.”
Sirius looked at his feet. “I didn’t expect you to say that,” he said.
“You don’t give me enough credit,” Remus said. “I’m brave like that sometimes.”
Sirius smiled. “You are. That’s why they put you in Gyffindor. To show me and James how to do it.”
“You don’t have to say it back,” Remus said lightly, standing up. “I’m running late for work anyway. You can summon up your courage today.”
He walked towards the door and pulled on his jacket and a scarf. “I’ll bring home some food for dinner, okay? I’m off at six.”
Sirius could hardly raise his voice above a whisper. “I do, too.”
Remus smiled. “I know,” he said, and in a moment he was gone.
*
A companion story about Sirius and his parents is here, A House Divided Against Itself.
Word Count: 2700
Characters: Remus, Sirius, minor OFC
Summary: Remus, a liar and an occasional coward, is falling in love and dealing with the consequences.
For aquila_star, who wanted more R/S.
'For a good cause,' Sirius replied with no hesitation at all.'>
Winter 1978
Despite the fact that Remus had told him not to a hundred times, Sirius had Apparated to the supermarket again. He found Remus in the Canned Goods aisle, absent-mindedly stocking canned tomatoes on the bottom shelf.
He cleared his throat. Remus glanced up and jumped.
“Sirius!” he exclaimed in a low voice. Then his eyes narrowed. “Did you Apparate here?”
“It’s a supermarket,” Sirius said, leaning on the shelf next to Remus, hands stuffed in the pockets of his overcoat. “Anyone can come in.”
“Anyone can walk though the door,” Remus corrected. “Apparate to the wizarding pub down the street and walk in here, Sirius, just like everyone else.”
“How do you know I didn’t?” Sirius asked.
Remus rolled his eyes.
“Well, no one was watching,” Sirius said.
Remus sighed, stood up, and wiped his hands on his smock. “Never mind. What are you doing here anyway?”
“Got the afternoon off.” Sirius eyed Remus slowly, carefully, a little predatory. He began to smile.
“Don’t do that!” Remus whispered, blushing and mortified.
“There’s no one here,” Sirius said, glancing around. It was true; it was mid-afternoon, and the store was almost empty.
“Still.”
“Does this mean you don’t want to leave early with me?” Sirius asked. “I’m willing to go home via the pub.”
Remus licked his lips and checked his watch. “Shift isn’t over for another half hour.”
“Doesn’t the manager leave early on Tuesdays?” Sirius asked.
Remus hesitated. “You’re going to get me fired.”
“For a good cause,” Sirius replied with no hesitation at all.
Remus hesitated again and then nodded. In a second his smock was off, draped over the flat of cans he had been putting on the shelves. “Let me tell Jackie, though,” he said. “So no one comes looking for me.”
The canned tomatoes were back on the dolly and wheeled back to the stock room almost before Sirius knew what had happened. Coat in hand, Remus exchanged a few words with the cashier at the front of the store, a blond girl with a ponytail who glanced back at Sirius curiously but nodded her assent.
Remus was already halfway out the door before Sirius realized he needed to catch up.
“What are you waiting for?” Remus called back gleefully, already walking quickly towards the wizarding pub down the road. “Last one back to the flat loses!” His scarf trailed after him, a spot of red in the cold, grey street.
Spring 1978
Remus was lying on his stomach on the sitting room floor in Sirius’ flat, one hand under the couch, searching for his left shoe, when he heard Sirius’ voice behind him.
“You don’t always have to leave right away, you know,” Sirius said softly.
Remus backed out from under the sofa cautiously and sat cross-legged on the floor. He felt the soft thud of his shoe against his thigh as Sirius accioed it for him.
“You’re not taking this Muggle thing very seriously,” Remus said crossly, starting to tie his shoes, not meeting Sirius’ gaze.
Sirius shrugged. “I like living here, but I’m not a Squib.”
“Nothing wrong with being a Squib,” Remus said automatically, then frowned. “Or a Muggle, for that matter.”
Sirius shrugged again.
“I’m taking it seriously,” Remus said. “Muggle jobs pay well.”
Sirius raised his eyebrows.
“Well, Muggle jobs have other advantages,” Remus amended.
Then, after a moment, he amended again: “Well, the supermarket did hire me.”
“Muggle jobs are fine with me,” Sirius said. "If that's what you want."
“I would have got it eventually,” Remus said as if he felt he had to make a point. “The shoe, I mean. I don’t know how it got back there.”
“Next time you can do it yourself,” Sirius said reasonably. “You just didn’t look very comfortable.”
Remus struggled to get to his feet, trying to suppress a smile. “I don’t know how they do it, Muggles. It must be a hard life.”
Sirius laughed, reaching out to give Remus a hand. “They probably get more sleep than you do. And they learn not to kick off their shoes.”
Remus straightened up and let go of Sirius’ hand. They stood there for several moments in silence.
“So,” Sirius said.
Remus shifted. “Early shift tomorrow,” he said. “It's really late. I should go.”
“What time are you off?”
“Half three. And you?”
Sirius thought for a moment. “Should be finished by six. See you then?”
Remus nodded, his hand already on the door knob. “I’ll be here. Good night.”
Sirius nodded, too. “Good night.”
*
This time Sirius Apparated to the wizarding pub and walked to the supermarket where Remus worked, as he'd been told. It was a grey and rainy late afternoon, and the street was almost deserted apart from two figures standing at the supermarket entrance.
Remus and Jackie were standing under a single umbrella, sharing a cigarette, talking quietly. The cigarette was almost done, and Remus tossed it on the pavement and ground it under his heel. Jackie fumbled in her purse for another.
“Hi,” Sirius said as he approached.
Remus looked up, startled, and then smiled, so wide it must have hurt.
“Hi,” he said softly. Then: “Jackie, you know my friend Sirius.”
Jackie laughed. “Of course.”
“Nice to meet you,” Sirius said. Then to Remus: “Shall we go?”
“See you tomorrow, Jackie,” Remus said. Jackie nodded.
As they walked away Remus brushed up against Sirius’ shoulder. Twice.
“No kissing when we get back to the flat,” Sirius whispered. “Not until you’ve cleaned your teeth.”
Summer 1978
Sirus and Remus were sprawled across the two sofas in the sitting room in Sirius’ flat, stocking feet propped up on the furniture, take-out boxes scattered across the room, heat and the late-night dinner making them sleepy.
“Were you wearing that shirt yesterday?” Sirius asked, lifting his head a bit to look at Remus.
Remus’ eyes were closed. “That’s what my mother asked.”
“Just because your mother suggested changing it doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good idea,” Sirius said.
“Umm,” Remus said sleepily.
“I could take it to the launderette around the corner,” Sirius said. “I’m going to try it out on Saturday. It looks interesting.”
“Even Muggles hate the launderette,” Remus said. “Stick with the cleaning charms.”
Sirius yawned.
Remus yawned, too, then cleared his throat.
“Did I tell you my parents want me to get married this summer?” Remus asked.
Sirius sat bolt upright. “What?”
“It’s my friend Jackie,” Remus said. “Do you remember her?”
“The Muggle at the supermarket?” Sirius asked, casting about, confused.
Remus frowned. “That’s not her distinguishing characteristic, Sirius.”
Sirius sighed. “Fine.” He thought for a moment. “The plump one?”
“God forbid James ever drops you, you’ll have no friends,” Remus said. “Anyway, she’s not plump, she’s pregnant.”
“Oh.” Sirius did not know what to say to that. “She’s not married, is she?”
“No,” Remus said. “Though it’s not such a big deal for Muggles, not being married. Not like it is for us.”
“Are you saying your parents want you to marry Jackie?” Sirius said, perplexed.
Remus now lifted his feet from the end table and sat up properly. “I might have given them the idea that Jackie and I were dating,” he said cautiously.
Sirius looked at him.
“I’m not, you know,” Remus said.
Sirius snorted.
“Right. Well. It seemed like a good thing to say at the time. Explaining why I’m never home.”
“’I’m out,’ might have been a better idea,” Sirius said dryly. "Or 'none of your business.'”
Remus frowned. “It’s not that easy, Sirius,” he said. “They deserve some kind of explanation. I’m living with them.”
“You don’t have to,” Sirius pointed out.
“Can’t afford anything else,” Remus replied.
“That’s not what I meant,” Sirius said.
This time Remus did not reply.
Sirius sighed. “Well, does Jackie expect you to marry her? Does she know you two are, er, dating?”
Remus smiled. “No, she doesn’t expect that. Although I suppose she’s feeling very alone right now.”
“So there’s no problem, is there?” Sirus said with every attempt to be reasonable. “It’s like last summer, when your parents wanted you to move to Bulgaria and participate in those Wolfsbane tests. Say no.”
“They were so upset,” Remus said slowly. “I was working at the supermarket when I should have been thinking about a cure.” He paused. “They hate the supermarket, but this might be worse. We're already fighting. They're already so angry. I don’t know what to do.”
“You made the right choice, though, last summer.”
“Did I?” Remus asked.
Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Don’t tell me you’ve given this any serious thought.”
“What?” Remus asked.
Sirius fixed him with a stare.
“Oh. No. Not getting married, don’t worry,” Remus said. “It’s just that they’re so...disappointed.”
“Children are disappointing,” Sirius said sourly.
Remus scowled at him. “Just because you hate your parents doesn’t mean everyone does.”
Sirius stood up and joined Remus on his couch. Remus pulled away for a moment, then shifted so that his head was resting on Sirius’ shoulder.
“Look, I understand,” Sirius said gently. “I don’t want James to be disappointed in me, either. You could...you could just tell them you were lying about Jackie.”
Remus hmphed skeptically.
“Or that you broke up?”
Remus frowned. “With my pregnant fiancee?”
“You’re engaged?” Sirius asked, his voice rising, out of control.
“No, no,” Remus said quickly. “But they want me to be. I’m just trying to see things as they see them.”
Sirius relaxed somewhat.
“I don’t know,” Sirius said after a moment, frustration showing through. “You’re the one who’s good at lying.”
Remus buried his face in Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius ran his hands across Remus’ back, stroking calmly, until it was time for Remus to leave.
*
A few weeks later Remus was washing up in the bathroom in Sirius’ flat when he saw Sirius’ face appear in the mirror beside him. He smiled.
“I saw the second toothbrush, the new one” Remus said, nodding at it, sitting there in the glass near the sink, leaning against the first.
Sirius smiled back, disappearing from the mirror for a moment while he pulled his pajama top over his head. “And James says I’m not subtle. Stay tonight.”
Remus hesitated, and Sirius reached out and slipped his arms around Remus’ waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Why not?” he asked softly.
“It’s not you, Sirius, it’s me,” Remus said. He sighed, and his eyes slipped from Sirius’ in the mirror. “And other things.”
“What other things?” Sirius asked. “Don’t tell me it’s your parents again.”
Remus reached out for the towel, and Sirius released him. Remus dried his hands and face slowly and slipped the towel back on the rack. He turned around to face Sirius, leaned back against the sink, sighed, and crossed his arms across his chest.
“Really? Do you want to hear?” Remus asked.
Sirius nodded.
“You have cold feet,” Remus said.
“What?”
Remus was smiling now, just slightly. “Cold feet.”
“I have cold feet?” Sirius exclaimed, then stopped short. “Oh. Really?” He looked down and rubbed the toes of his right foot against his left.
“And cold hands, actually,” Remus asked. “And the bad habit of touching me on the stomach in the middle of the night.”
Sirius thought for a moment. “Wait here.”
He disappeared into the bedroom for a moment, then returned with a package of socks. “See?” He held them up for Remus’ inspection.
Remus nodded.
Sirius turned the toilet seat down, sat down, and pulled apart the plastic packaging. “Got these at the market last weekend,” he said. “Very Muggle, don’t you think?”
He help up a pair of long white cotton socks with three thick navy blue stripes at the top.
“Tube socks,” Remus said.
Sirius frowned. “Like the Underground?”
Remus shook his head. “I don’t know. They’re a bit ugly, don’t you think?”
Sirius pulled on one sock, then the other, and then stood up again.
“That wasn’t so hard, hm? Some things you can do something about.”
Remus smiled.
“Come to bed?”
Remus nodded. “Fingers away from the stomach.”
“You keep your shirt on, then,” Sirius said with a smirk.
Remus turned off the light in the bathroom as he left. Sirius was already waiting in bed.
He undressed and lay down, and Sirius curled up against him. A cotton toe reached over and rubbed his foot.
“Better?” Sirius asked.
“Umm.” Remus replied. “Better.”
Autumn 1978
When Sirius arrived home that afternoon, Remus was already sitting in the hallway, leaning against the door to the flat. There was a bag from the supermarket beside him and, nearby, two large suitcases.
“Hi,” Sirius said tentatively.
“Hi,” Remus said.
Sirius pulled out his keys to the flat. “So.”
“I brought some cleaning supplies,” Remus said. “I couldn’t believe you didn’t know the toilet had to be cleaned. You need help.”
Sirius smiled. “Don’t bring that up. I can’t believe I didn’t know that, either.”
“Bloody pureblood,” Remus said, smiling back. “Can’t do anything without a house elf.”
Sirius picked up the supermarket bag and glanced inside. “I’m sure there are spells we can use.”
Remus nodded. “Although my mother says these work better sometimes.”
They moved Remus’ things inside the flat and closed the door behind them.
“Did your parents kick you out?” Sirius asked softly.
“No,” Remus said. “But let’s say I’m taking preventative measures so that doesn’t happen.” He took a deep breath.
Sirius waited.
"I told them I was working nights at the supermarket now," Remus said. "I wouldn't be home very much."
Sirius waited again.
“I don’t think they believed me.”
Sirius waited again.
“No reason why they should, really,” Remus said dispassionately. “I wasn’t that convincing. I didn’t try that hard.”
Sirius nodded.
“I only took some clothes. And a few books. I thought I might go back on weekends sometimes.”
“That sounds good,” Sirius said.
He reached out and touched the back of Remus’ neck gently. He felt a shudder run through Remus, then a deep, wrenching sob. He pulled Remus close and wrapped both his arms around him.
*
It was almost winter again, and the morning air was cold and crisp when Remus opened the window at Sirius’ flat to collect the owl post.
“What’s there?” Sirius asked absently. He was standing in the kitchen, washing up the breakfast dishes.
“The Prophet, something from James, and- ” Remus paused. “Damn.”
“What?” Sirius asked.
“My parents. Another Howler.” Remus said.
“Don’t just stand there,” Sirius said, and Remus moved into action. He grabbed the letter, raced to the sofa, and shoved it under one of the cushions.
Mr. Lupin’s voice came through, muffled but still audible.
Remus grabbed another pillow, threw it on the sofa and, in a fit of desperation, lay down on top of it. Sirius laughed and lay down on top of him.
“Almost over?” he said, his own voice muffled by Remus’ back.
Remus raised his head slightly. “Can hardly hear it this way, actually. We’ll have to remember for next time.”
After a moment the Howler was done. Sirus rolled off of Remus and onto the floor. Remus stood up and pulled the shards of the Howler out from under the cushions. Sirus pulled out his wand and banished the ashes. Remus shoved the remains of the Howler in his pocket.
“All right?” he asked Remus.
“All right,” Remus said.
He looked at Sirius for intently for a long, quiet moment. Then leaned over and, touching Sirius' cheek gently, whispered three words in his ear.
Sirius froze. “You do?” he asked.
Remus nodded and sat down on the floor next to Sirius. “I do.”
Sirius looked at his feet. “I didn’t expect you to say that,” he said.
“You don’t give me enough credit,” Remus said. “I’m brave like that sometimes.”
Sirius smiled. “You are. That’s why they put you in Gyffindor. To show me and James how to do it.”
“You don’t have to say it back,” Remus said lightly, standing up. “I’m running late for work anyway. You can summon up your courage today.”
He walked towards the door and pulled on his jacket and a scarf. “I’ll bring home some food for dinner, okay? I’m off at six.”
Sirius could hardly raise his voice above a whisper. “I do, too.”
Remus smiled. “I know,” he said, and in a moment he was gone.
*
A companion story about Sirius and his parents is here, A House Divided Against Itself.