Chris Muzykant, Elegy (Chris would've appreciated this X-men reference...)
So yesterday was Chris' funeral.
I almost missed it due to travel drama. Both trains I took decided to just sit in the station for a while at various stops (it's fucking morning rush hour, what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck??? I so loathe the mta...) and mapquest gave me the wrong fucking impression of where the church was, so when I got off at church avenue I was at totally the wrong stop. I was already 15 minutes late to the funeral at this point, and spent 10 minutes trying to flag down car services with my eyes full of tears until a nice woman tapped me on the shoulder and told me I'd have to walk up to flatbush if I wanted any of the cars to stop.
Stood on flatbush for another 15 minutes (which seemed like an eternity) flagging down car services only to be met with puzzled expressions and very little help when I told the driver the address. I broke down in the second car service, crying and begging the driver to radio his dispatcher to find out where Hendricksen was. He simply pulled over to the corner and told me to get out. Yeah.
Finally, a group of nice women who looking like churchgoin' folk told me I should call information for the church's number. DUH. Why did I not think of this earlier? Grief and panic makes you STUPID. Thank god one of the women patted me on the arm and told me it would be alright because I was beginning to lose faith in humanity. So I got the cross streets, jumped in my third car service of the morning and sped towards the church-all the while crying on the phone to Ian that I was going to miss the funeral. Bless him, he totally calmed me down and I made it just before the "peace" was said.
It was one of the most terribly sad things I've ever seen. Chris was so loved and interwoven into the lives of so many people. I am pretty empathic, especially now having gone through my father's death, and the waves of grief were tangible. As I commented to sara in her journal, when I see people in pain like that it's kind of like I'm on E-I just want to hug and kiss everyone better. It was very good to see Erica. I wouldn't know any of these folk were it not for her, and I really do honor that. I called her last night and through a very broken cell phone connection she told me she was happy I was there and that it made things easier.
I went with Chops to the crematorium and met Liz and Haras-friends of Chris' from high school and clubbing respectively. Placing roses on the coffin was terribly hard-I kissed mine twice and placed it, touching the lid and saying "that's from me and Erica, sweetie". I almost lost it then. I hugged everyone who looked like they wanted/needed it, becuase god knows I did.
Afterward, as Chris' friends dispersed I realized I had to find something to do with myself. I couldn't just jump on the train to go home after that. Liz and Haras and I decided to visit Boss Tweed's grave as we were in Greenwood Cemetery. We had fun, theyre good people. It's a gorgeous place, and maybe juuuuuuust big enough to attempt to contain Chris' personality. I spat on Tweed's grave, which was a good moment for me :) Then we got lost and trudged down hills not meant for walking and after an hour or so made our way out of the cemetery and back to good 'ol manhattan isle.
Had an amazing and unexpected afternoon with Ian in central park-his tutoring session was canceled so my "I need a cup of coffee and a hug after the service" turned into a romp following a HORRIBLE lunch at the Applejack Diner (near 59th street...don't EVER eat there). We walked through the fall foliage in the park. It was a beautiful day, and we ended up clambering over rocks and talking in a way I haven't since high school. We watched some child skaters at Wollman rink and generally disgusted everyone who crossed our path.
When I got back uptown after dropping Ian at class, I visited my mom and happened across the guestbook for my dad's memorial. Seeing Chris' entry made me so sad. He had such great handwriting-it reminded me a little of Ian's.
Now I have to deal with drama surrounding my father's car, and I just sent an e-mail to my former employer at USA, the famous Kristin, which makes me so nervous I want to puke. Time to get life started, tho. More job hunting to follow today, then dinner with Joanna-one of my old nanny clients and her daughter the famous TORA. Then watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban with Ian to prepare for Thursday night and GOBLET OF FIRE-followed by an Edie aloud reading of Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe to prepare for December 9th.
I'm glad there's so much Edie geek fantasy happy to help me deal with the stressful/sad lately.
-MG
I almost missed it due to travel drama. Both trains I took decided to just sit in the station for a while at various stops (it's fucking morning rush hour, what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck??? I so loathe the mta...) and mapquest gave me the wrong fucking impression of where the church was, so when I got off at church avenue I was at totally the wrong stop. I was already 15 minutes late to the funeral at this point, and spent 10 minutes trying to flag down car services with my eyes full of tears until a nice woman tapped me on the shoulder and told me I'd have to walk up to flatbush if I wanted any of the cars to stop.
Stood on flatbush for another 15 minutes (which seemed like an eternity) flagging down car services only to be met with puzzled expressions and very little help when I told the driver the address. I broke down in the second car service, crying and begging the driver to radio his dispatcher to find out where Hendricksen was. He simply pulled over to the corner and told me to get out. Yeah.
Finally, a group of nice women who looking like churchgoin' folk told me I should call information for the church's number. DUH. Why did I not think of this earlier? Grief and panic makes you STUPID. Thank god one of the women patted me on the arm and told me it would be alright because I was beginning to lose faith in humanity. So I got the cross streets, jumped in my third car service of the morning and sped towards the church-all the while crying on the phone to Ian that I was going to miss the funeral. Bless him, he totally calmed me down and I made it just before the "peace" was said.
It was one of the most terribly sad things I've ever seen. Chris was so loved and interwoven into the lives of so many people. I am pretty empathic, especially now having gone through my father's death, and the waves of grief were tangible. As I commented to sara in her journal, when I see people in pain like that it's kind of like I'm on E-I just want to hug and kiss everyone better. It was very good to see Erica. I wouldn't know any of these folk were it not for her, and I really do honor that. I called her last night and through a very broken cell phone connection she told me she was happy I was there and that it made things easier.
I went with Chops to the crematorium and met Liz and Haras-friends of Chris' from high school and clubbing respectively. Placing roses on the coffin was terribly hard-I kissed mine twice and placed it, touching the lid and saying "that's from me and Erica, sweetie". I almost lost it then. I hugged everyone who looked like they wanted/needed it, becuase god knows I did.
Afterward, as Chris' friends dispersed I realized I had to find something to do with myself. I couldn't just jump on the train to go home after that. Liz and Haras and I decided to visit Boss Tweed's grave as we were in Greenwood Cemetery. We had fun, theyre good people. It's a gorgeous place, and maybe juuuuuuust big enough to attempt to contain Chris' personality. I spat on Tweed's grave, which was a good moment for me :) Then we got lost and trudged down hills not meant for walking and after an hour or so made our way out of the cemetery and back to good 'ol manhattan isle.
Had an amazing and unexpected afternoon with Ian in central park-his tutoring session was canceled so my "I need a cup of coffee and a hug after the service" turned into a romp following a HORRIBLE lunch at the Applejack Diner (near 59th street...don't EVER eat there). We walked through the fall foliage in the park. It was a beautiful day, and we ended up clambering over rocks and talking in a way I haven't since high school. We watched some child skaters at Wollman rink and generally disgusted everyone who crossed our path.
When I got back uptown after dropping Ian at class, I visited my mom and happened across the guestbook for my dad's memorial. Seeing Chris' entry made me so sad. He had such great handwriting-it reminded me a little of Ian's.
Now I have to deal with drama surrounding my father's car, and I just sent an e-mail to my former employer at USA, the famous Kristin, which makes me so nervous I want to puke. Time to get life started, tho. More job hunting to follow today, then dinner with Joanna-one of my old nanny clients and her daughter the famous TORA. Then watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban with Ian to prepare for Thursday night and GOBLET OF FIRE-followed by an Edie aloud reading of Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe to prepare for December 9th.
I'm glad there's so much Edie geek fantasy happy to help me deal with the stressful/sad lately.
-MG