Butterflies
I haven't gotten the butterflies in a LONG time. I really didn't think I was going to get them for even longer. But after spending time with Brent again, I got them back. I'm not going to write about how much I think we could get in a relationship or how much I want him to be mine or any of that. This time it's different; I'm different. I'm not driven by anything negative. I don't just want to get laid and I don't just want a boyfriend. None of that is there. He stayed with me all night last night. He told me how he felt about me and I knew he meant every word. If not by his face and what he said, then by the way he held me. The one thing he said that night that really stood out to me is he asked me to wait for him. I told him I would. He is going through a lot right now, and it's wonderful how well he's doing with it all. It's helping him, and it could tell a lot by that night. I have to stress the fact that there was nothing sexual about it and I loved every minute of it. He came back over tonight. We can sit together and watch TV and I love every minute of his company. But when it was time to take him home, I couldn't resist and had to kiss him. GAWD did I miss that! I looked at him and told him,"I will wait for you forever and I hope you know that". He looked at me and said,"you know I'm going to marry you someday". I was so happy at that moment I can't even describe the feeling. So we just sat there hugging/holding each other and I felt loved. He's my weakness. The entire time I was thinking in my mind "Gawd, I love him. I love him." When he stood up to leave he was looking down at me with him eyes looking into mine and I told him I loved him. He said, no you don't. I said yes I do, so much. He told me I loved everyone. And said I don't love him. I'm not sure if he really doesn't think I do. And if he doesn't, I would love to have the chance to prove to him I do for the rest of my life. I've changed so much these past 6 months. I know whats real and whats not. I want to be a better person. I want to for me. But I want to for him also. I want to show him how much he means to me. I'd do anything for Brent; anything. He holds my heart, and I will wait as long as it takes to get his in return.