JB
I am hesitant on saying the things I want to say.
I'm afraid they're going to push you away.
I can't pretend I don't feel for you the way I do.
I think about Brad countless times a day. Every time I meet someone, I subconsiousley compare them to Brad and how he made me feel. So obviously, nobody comes close to being what I want or need. The only person that I don't think about Brad when I'm with him is the one person I probably should; Jason Binger.
Nobody has made me feel the way he does.
He knows me the way no other man does and he still wants me around. He still thinks I'm beautiful. He still thinks I'm a good person.
We can talk to each other about anything. Even about Brad, and it's still comfortable. Our conversations are always important and never boring. I swear, our personalities are the same in so many ways, it's like we are the same person inside, but different enough to want to get to know each other more.
If he wasn't Binger, I would swear I found my soulmate. And I would never let him go. But after everything we've gone through together (breakups with serious relationships and losing Brad and much more), how can we move on together and not be held back by the past?
I don't know how he could ever completely be proud to have me as a girlfriend and never worry about what his friends would think about us being together. He says that he wouldn't care, and sometimes I really don't think he would. But then again, how is it fair for me to even ask him to try?
I talked to him last night for a couple hours. It was really really nice. I get off the phone smiling nonstop. We made plans to do something Saturday night. He comes home from Florida sometime Friday so hes going to call me then and confirm our plans. I think he's going to get Brooks and Rob to come out to the pool hall for a while and then maybe me and Mandi will go back to Bellevue with them to see Brooks new apartment. Honestly, I could care less what we did, as long as I was with him.
When I see him come into a room or I walk into a room that he is in; I have to actually catch my breath when I look at him. His smile kills me! And he is absolutely gorgeous. He has no idea what he does to me. Actually he does, but he doesn't believe me!
On another note, I have a meeting with the new manager of Friendlys Fridya at 3pm. I will post on how it goes. And how my weekend goes =)