In Plenty and In Want
Category: D. Gray Man
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff
Rating: Teens
Summary: After the war ends, Allen asks Kanda a question.
Thanks to Ettelene for the beta!
Allen’s nose has gone numb by the time Kanda joins him by the windlass. The ship rocks in the rolling sea. Leith is not visible yet, but they should be docked by dawn.
Their breaths ghost into the darkness. Allen peels his forearms from the snow-dusted railing. His skin rips, but he does not feel pain. “I’m not sure I want to show my face after everything that happened.”
The Millenium Earl and Nea had vanished, seemingly for the final time, after a battle in Oslo that left Stortorvet levelled and a hundred and twenty-seven people dead. This morning, Allen shot awake with his hand clawing out, determined to save a little girl in a froggie beanie from a Level 4. Then he remembered he couldn’t.
Kanda leans his back against the railing, crosses his arms. Shoulders hiked. His voice is lisle, so quiet the rush of the waves almost swallows it. “It was Nea, not you.”
“I said I would control Nea and I didn’t.”
“That’s hardly your fault.”
In Stortorvet, Kanda had called out Allen Walker again and again, demanded whether Allen was Nea’s bitch, hauled him up by the back of his jacket and shaken him. There was scarcely a moment when he was not by Allen’s side, quarter alive, shrieking, swinging a Mugen cloven in two.
Feeling starts to return to Allen’s arms.
Kanda says, “They’re all waiting for you at HQ." The building that used to be HQ, he means. "Lenalee and Johnny and the others. They want you back. They want a life with you.”
For a moment, the waves grow mellow, heft the ship in a gentle arc. Kanda’s cheek had been sliced open to nearly his mouth during the battle; the skin around the stitches blotches red against the wind. Snow powders his lowered eyelashes.
Allen doesn’t know what possesses him to use honesty. Perhaps the same thing that always does when he’s around Kanda. “And you?”
“What?”
“Do you want a life with me?”
Kanda’s hand gropes for the place at his hip where Mugen used to be. “I - ”
The ship keels to one side. Allen grabs Kanda’s elbows to stop them both from tumbling onto the deck. Kanda’s scent enfolds Allen - ship’s issue soap and blue water lily. Slush slicks beneath Allen’s boot.
Allen grasps Kanda’s lapels, yanks him down, and kisses him, open-mouthed. Kanda makes a shocked sound and it shouldn’t arouse Allen, but it does, and he presses against Kanda, slides a knee between sinewy legs. He tastes remnants of the dinner he missed in Kanda’s mouth, a bright flare of thyme.
Kanda grows hard against him, and Allen groans. He reaches to slip off Kanda’s hair tie, but Kanda pushes him away, panting. Allen wants to unbutton Kanda’s double-breasted coat, watch his chest heave.
“Allen, is…is there no one else?”
Allen raps Kanda’s temple with a knuckle. “Yes, that’s why I kissed you.”
Kanda covers his eyes with a hand. “I turned you into the 14th, and you still helped me. How could…how could I ever…”
Allen pries Kanda’s hand away, cradles it. Thumbs over knuckles cracked bloody from the cold. “You came back for me. Stayed even when I tried to make you leave. Jeopardised your soul. If you don’t want me, then say so, and I’ll speak no more of it.” He would rather speak more of it. He would rather have Kanda’s chapped fingers twined in his.
Kanda’s voice breaks like his skin. “You and Alma…the people who cared for me. I hurt you both.”
Allen steps closer, tells his anger to swell against his ribcage another time. “I hurt Mana. Alma hurt you. All the wounds of the world aren’t traced to your hands, Kanda.” He presses his lips to Kanda’s flaking knuckles.
When he raises his eyes, he finds Kanda gazing at him as if for the first time. Pinpricks of moonlight glint off the jet of his eyes. Allen knows, after so much time, that Kanda’s scarcity of words does not spring from scarcity of feeling.
So Allen presses Kanda’s hand to his heart and says, “Are you going to stay with me, Kanda Yuu?”
Kanda smiles. Brighter than the crosses branded into his wrists. “I will.”
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff
Rating: Teens
Summary: After the war ends, Allen asks Kanda a question.
Thanks to Ettelene for the beta!
Allen’s nose has gone numb by the time Kanda joins him by the windlass. The ship rocks in the rolling sea. Leith is not visible yet, but they should be docked by dawn.
Their breaths ghost into the darkness. Allen peels his forearms from the snow-dusted railing. His skin rips, but he does not feel pain. “I’m not sure I want to show my face after everything that happened.”
The Millenium Earl and Nea had vanished, seemingly for the final time, after a battle in Oslo that left Stortorvet levelled and a hundred and twenty-seven people dead. This morning, Allen shot awake with his hand clawing out, determined to save a little girl in a froggie beanie from a Level 4. Then he remembered he couldn’t.
Kanda leans his back against the railing, crosses his arms. Shoulders hiked. His voice is lisle, so quiet the rush of the waves almost swallows it. “It was Nea, not you.”
“I said I would control Nea and I didn’t.”
“That’s hardly your fault.”
In Stortorvet, Kanda had called out Allen Walker again and again, demanded whether Allen was Nea’s bitch, hauled him up by the back of his jacket and shaken him. There was scarcely a moment when he was not by Allen’s side, quarter alive, shrieking, swinging a Mugen cloven in two.
Feeling starts to return to Allen’s arms.
Kanda says, “They’re all waiting for you at HQ." The building that used to be HQ, he means. "Lenalee and Johnny and the others. They want you back. They want a life with you.”
For a moment, the waves grow mellow, heft the ship in a gentle arc. Kanda’s cheek had been sliced open to nearly his mouth during the battle; the skin around the stitches blotches red against the wind. Snow powders his lowered eyelashes.
Allen doesn’t know what possesses him to use honesty. Perhaps the same thing that always does when he’s around Kanda. “And you?”
“What?”
“Do you want a life with me?”
Kanda’s hand gropes for the place at his hip where Mugen used to be. “I - ”
The ship keels to one side. Allen grabs Kanda’s elbows to stop them both from tumbling onto the deck. Kanda’s scent enfolds Allen - ship’s issue soap and blue water lily. Slush slicks beneath Allen’s boot.
Allen grasps Kanda’s lapels, yanks him down, and kisses him, open-mouthed. Kanda makes a shocked sound and it shouldn’t arouse Allen, but it does, and he presses against Kanda, slides a knee between sinewy legs. He tastes remnants of the dinner he missed in Kanda’s mouth, a bright flare of thyme.
Kanda grows hard against him, and Allen groans. He reaches to slip off Kanda’s hair tie, but Kanda pushes him away, panting. Allen wants to unbutton Kanda’s double-breasted coat, watch his chest heave.
“Allen, is…is there no one else?”
Allen raps Kanda’s temple with a knuckle. “Yes, that’s why I kissed you.”
Kanda covers his eyes with a hand. “I turned you into the 14th, and you still helped me. How could…how could I ever…”
Allen pries Kanda’s hand away, cradles it. Thumbs over knuckles cracked bloody from the cold. “You came back for me. Stayed even when I tried to make you leave. Jeopardised your soul. If you don’t want me, then say so, and I’ll speak no more of it.” He would rather speak more of it. He would rather have Kanda’s chapped fingers twined in his.
Kanda’s voice breaks like his skin. “You and Alma…the people who cared for me. I hurt you both.”
Allen steps closer, tells his anger to swell against his ribcage another time. “I hurt Mana. Alma hurt you. All the wounds of the world aren’t traced to your hands, Kanda.” He presses his lips to Kanda’s flaking knuckles.
When he raises his eyes, he finds Kanda gazing at him as if for the first time. Pinpricks of moonlight glint off the jet of his eyes. Allen knows, after so much time, that Kanda’s scarcity of words does not spring from scarcity of feeling.
So Allen presses Kanda’s hand to his heart and says, “Are you going to stay with me, Kanda Yuu?”
Kanda smiles. Brighter than the crosses branded into his wrists. “I will.”