Birthdays
I've got a feeling this entry won't go over well. Maybe that's one reason I haven't updated much, a lot of what's been on my mind wouldn't go over well with some of the people who read.
Birthday's mean a lot to me. Everyone misses them once in a while, something comes up etc. I know I have. I've only missed one because I was upset with the person though, and even then, my resolve crumbled by the next day. But even Lauren and Jess, after everything that happened, are honored on their b-days by me. I don't let them pass without thought, though after 6-7 years, I have given up on contacting them to comment. So when some of the most important people to me let it pass without comment, it kinda hurts.
This last year has been hard. I made some big mistakes, and yesterday kinda shoved them in my face. I think about both of them quite frequently, and both are something to add to my list of regrets. Sadly, both are really similar issues, though they have their own unique spin on things. A seed of doubt and they blew up when I brought it up. I know I have some issues with that, I take some things to heart too quickly. In some cases, it's easy to make me doubt. Especially when it's someone I care about a lot.
I know I screwed up, but I keep hoping that I'll get a chance to fix it. One is talking, but infrequently and I don't know where I stand. Giant elephant int he room and all that. The other, I have no clue. I feel horrible for what I did, and I wish I knew what to do to make things right again. I really miss both of them.
Birthday's mean a lot to me. Everyone misses them once in a while, something comes up etc. I know I have. I've only missed one because I was upset with the person though, and even then, my resolve crumbled by the next day. But even Lauren and Jess, after everything that happened, are honored on their b-days by me. I don't let them pass without thought, though after 6-7 years, I have given up on contacting them to comment. So when some of the most important people to me let it pass without comment, it kinda hurts.
This last year has been hard. I made some big mistakes, and yesterday kinda shoved them in my face. I think about both of them quite frequently, and both are something to add to my list of regrets. Sadly, both are really similar issues, though they have their own unique spin on things. A seed of doubt and they blew up when I brought it up. I know I have some issues with that, I take some things to heart too quickly. In some cases, it's easy to make me doubt. Especially when it's someone I care about a lot.
I know I screwed up, but I keep hoping that I'll get a chance to fix it. One is talking, but infrequently and I don't know where I stand. Giant elephant int he room and all that. The other, I have no clue. I feel horrible for what I did, and I wish I knew what to do to make things right again. I really miss both of them.