day fifteen - emma gets me back in otp feelings
Emma has today again and she asked me to talk about Kaleb/Sahara from Singh's Psy-Changeling series. EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH ALREADY. But ahem, let's go.
So these two are the last book that we have currently in the series. I feel that since that's the case, she spent a lot of time building them up until we got to them. Not in the same way say, Sienna and Hawke were built up, but in a different way that's more curious and mysterious till we get to them.
Kaleb is introduced to us in book 2 and from then on he just becomes fascinating to me. In the same vein of all the other Council members he starts off looking not so great, but then she starts adding layers in. It's clear somewhat on the first reread that he's not interested in going along with what the other members all want. He backs who he chooses when it's advantageous to him. Then we get the dropped hints from Nikita that he was Santano's prodigy and was trained under him. Followed with we're told that he's "looking" for someone that he can't find but has been looking for years. By the time we got to being told that he's just the care keeper for the house he resides in, I was losing myself with hoping she gave us his book. I didn't spoil myself at all when I read this series, so I didn't actually know that book 12 was his till I got to the end of book 11 AND IT ENDS WITH HIM FINDING HER. Needless to say I was ecstatic.
And what we learn in his book is so much more. That he's a product of Santano's abuse and has been for over two decades. That he was raped and forced to participate in Santano's murders and activities via a telepathic link and leash that was created when he was a child. That only one person ever treated him with kindness and he kept her secrets as she took care of him. That his rise through the ranks and actions were all to find her. And it's interested to me, at least in my opinion and how it comes across to me, that Kaleb is not Silent due to conditioning through the system. He tells us his powers are too strong to really have been affected by dissonance all that much. It just burns through it. He has to construct his own to deal with himself so he doesn't harm people. He's "Silent" because he was abused and it was the way to survive Santano, especially after losing Sahara. It's not explicitly said on the page, but I think it's true and it's a realistic reflection of abuse.
Which leads me to another thing about him that's so great to me: he's the world's biggest unreliable narrator in this series. He's not just lying on the surface and then his hidden activities as the Ghost. But he truly honestly believes that he feels nothing and is terrible. Which, while he's done terrible things and killed people, isn't necessarily the truth. And this gets revealed throughout book 12, but is super apparent to me on a reread with the knowledge that he is the Ghost. He attaches himself to Judd, probably not long after Sahara is kidnapped and stolen away, and views Judd as sort of the pinnacle model for things; Judd is the one who resembles the things that Kaleb wants and acts with that loyalty drive that Kaleb has. He constantly says I'm a terrible person, but then does actions and things to save millions of people.
So it's not necessarily that he doesn't feel things or recognize them. To me, it's that he doesn't think he's worth any of them.
BUT THEN WE GET SAHARA AND SHE'S SUCH A DELIGHT TO ME. I hadn't really connected the dots throughout the series that it would be her that he was looking for? Which if you do read very slowly and piece the timeline together it can be figured out. I just when in Faith's book she mentions her cousin went missing, I was like aw that's kind of sad, Faith's family has really terrible luck.
One of the things I love most about her though is that she's firmly a person that sees good in people and is light even after everything that's been done to her. I don't mean she never gets angry or has terrible thoughts, because it is apparent that she would use her abilities to harm those who tried to hurt those she loves. But that kindness is not a weakness and so it was nice to see a new type of character. I have a fascination with the Kyriakus family too, so getting to see another family member from there and then getting more of the family was great. But I love that Sahara has never been Silent, fitting into the idea that the Kyriakus family doesn't give a fuck and does what they want. And I love that she wanted to take care of him as a child because she knew what was being done to him was wrong. That she imagined them a house where they could be together. That she wants to help her race moving forward.
That to say since I love them individually I love them SO FUCKING MUCH TOGETHER.
They're probably my biggest otp of the series tied with another. THEY JUST MAKE ME VERY EMOTIONAL. Childhood friends that were ripped apart and then never stopped wanting or looking for one another. I mean she created the labyrinth in her mind with him as the key. HE'S LITERALLY HER SAFE PLACE BECAUSE HE PROMISED HE WOULD FIND HER AND SHE BELIEVES HIM. He thought of her every day!!! He built their house for her to have!!! I feel like their bond started as children because we get a few subtle references in their book that make me think this. One that she made him her key in her mind to protect her. Two that he a couple times early on references that he can feel her inside of him and knows what she's feeling. I'm not sure if it's actually true, but it makes me think that possibly could be so. Regardless, these two love each other so very much.
And we get it from the start. Sahara trusts Kaleb even though she cannot remember everything yet. She falls back on her instincts of taking care of him. When she invites him to breakfast and feeds him and makes sure things are okay for him. He fiercely wants to make sure she's okay and will never be harmed again. He too takes care of her, and puts her in the hands of her father to keep her safe and let her heal that way.
One of the best things we get is the flashbacks that fill out their childhood. It's not enough, I so want more, but that's because I'm greedy. But the ones we do get, as Sahara's abilities bring them forward, flesh out everything about them. The tree climbing, the first meeting, the bracelet, her wanting a kiss from him.
What makes them so great to me, or one of them, is how much they both want each other. There's never any doubt of that for me. They love each other and have each other despite everything that's happened to them. She feels that sentiment so early on. And he says it later, which is so important to me that he finally says it. Not because she needs to hear it, because she knows. But because of what it means for him to believe that he can say it and is worthy of that, after believing that he's not worth any of that.
(plus their sex literally makes them have geological anomalies)
I don't think their issues will go away. Sahara is scarred from her treatment at the hands of Tatiana. Kaleb will not suddenly forget or get over his abuse and such. But these two together can have their lives and heal. I want them living in their dream house and learning things all over again, and having completely filthy sex everywhere, and then working to family dinners that no one can say no to because your daughter's partner is the scariest person on the planet. As of now, they're set up as the defacto rulers of the Net. The model for others to follow. The Arrows are under their "guidance", the race is looking to them as where to go next. They get to do it all together and I'm super excited to see where it goes.
ALSO THEY TOTALLY GET A DOG AND NAME IT JUDD BECAUSE KALEB THINKS IT'S HILARIOUS; yes i wrote that fic, this is me.
Which leads me to BB EMPATH PRINCESS ELENA.
Okay, so this idea came to me a few months ago now?
It came about because while I don't think they don't want kids, I don't think Kaleb is/will ever be comfortable with passing on his genetics. They don't have to have kids, and certainly could change their mind, but from their past both talked about having children together and were excited over that. So I think they still would want to have that, but not necessarily of their own. So I got to thinking and it hit me that they would adopt children with either Arrow-like abilities or ones where their parents didn't want them; because the Psy race is not going to change in a night and there will still be those that don't want their children in the vein of Sophia. And these two so strongly know what can happen to children who are abused and left with no one, that they would fiercely rail against that and want to prevent that from happening as much as they could.
Hence, adopting was my grand idea.
To which then I had a late night talk with Grace about how Naya then prompts the empath adoption idea. What with their work with them coming up in book 13 and then seeing her on a business visit, it launched from there.
To which then I have had many conversations now with you, Emma. You ruined my life. Thanks.
So yes, now in my future, a few years from current and after Judd Puppy is no longer a puppy but will remain that way by name in my head, they decide to adopt a little empath baby. Either through Sascha's help or Aden likely will continue to keep track of these earmarked children or whatever POINT IS THEY GET A BABY; someone probably makes a joke that Kaleb stole the baby. And they're both worried, but both would be perfect to have children because they know everything not to do. And Judd is the godfather and it's super important. And she may one day have a bracelet that matches her mother's. Sahara may enlist her into forcing her father into eating real food. TREE CLIMBING LESSONS. Kaleb might tell elaborate stories during bath time with rubber duckies; these stories may be toned down retellings of the Ghost and his bff.
Anyway this post is now huge and now everyone knows my heart is full of these two.
So these two are the last book that we have currently in the series. I feel that since that's the case, she spent a lot of time building them up until we got to them. Not in the same way say, Sienna and Hawke were built up, but in a different way that's more curious and mysterious till we get to them.
Kaleb is introduced to us in book 2 and from then on he just becomes fascinating to me. In the same vein of all the other Council members he starts off looking not so great, but then she starts adding layers in. It's clear somewhat on the first reread that he's not interested in going along with what the other members all want. He backs who he chooses when it's advantageous to him. Then we get the dropped hints from Nikita that he was Santano's prodigy and was trained under him. Followed with we're told that he's "looking" for someone that he can't find but has been looking for years. By the time we got to being told that he's just the care keeper for the house he resides in, I was losing myself with hoping she gave us his book. I didn't spoil myself at all when I read this series, so I didn't actually know that book 12 was his till I got to the end of book 11 AND IT ENDS WITH HIM FINDING HER. Needless to say I was ecstatic.
And what we learn in his book is so much more. That he's a product of Santano's abuse and has been for over two decades. That he was raped and forced to participate in Santano's murders and activities via a telepathic link and leash that was created when he was a child. That only one person ever treated him with kindness and he kept her secrets as she took care of him. That his rise through the ranks and actions were all to find her. And it's interested to me, at least in my opinion and how it comes across to me, that Kaleb is not Silent due to conditioning through the system. He tells us his powers are too strong to really have been affected by dissonance all that much. It just burns through it. He has to construct his own to deal with himself so he doesn't harm people. He's "Silent" because he was abused and it was the way to survive Santano, especially after losing Sahara. It's not explicitly said on the page, but I think it's true and it's a realistic reflection of abuse.
Which leads me to another thing about him that's so great to me: he's the world's biggest unreliable narrator in this series. He's not just lying on the surface and then his hidden activities as the Ghost. But he truly honestly believes that he feels nothing and is terrible. Which, while he's done terrible things and killed people, isn't necessarily the truth. And this gets revealed throughout book 12, but is super apparent to me on a reread with the knowledge that he is the Ghost. He attaches himself to Judd, probably not long after Sahara is kidnapped and stolen away, and views Judd as sort of the pinnacle model for things; Judd is the one who resembles the things that Kaleb wants and acts with that loyalty drive that Kaleb has. He constantly says I'm a terrible person, but then does actions and things to save millions of people.
So it's not necessarily that he doesn't feel things or recognize them. To me, it's that he doesn't think he's worth any of them.
BUT THEN WE GET SAHARA AND SHE'S SUCH A DELIGHT TO ME. I hadn't really connected the dots throughout the series that it would be her that he was looking for? Which if you do read very slowly and piece the timeline together it can be figured out. I just when in Faith's book she mentions her cousin went missing, I was like aw that's kind of sad, Faith's family has really terrible luck.
One of the things I love most about her though is that she's firmly a person that sees good in people and is light even after everything that's been done to her. I don't mean she never gets angry or has terrible thoughts, because it is apparent that she would use her abilities to harm those who tried to hurt those she loves. But that kindness is not a weakness and so it was nice to see a new type of character. I have a fascination with the Kyriakus family too, so getting to see another family member from there and then getting more of the family was great. But I love that Sahara has never been Silent, fitting into the idea that the Kyriakus family doesn't give a fuck and does what they want. And I love that she wanted to take care of him as a child because she knew what was being done to him was wrong. That she imagined them a house where they could be together. That she wants to help her race moving forward.
That to say since I love them individually I love them SO FUCKING MUCH TOGETHER.
They're probably my biggest otp of the series tied with another. THEY JUST MAKE ME VERY EMOTIONAL. Childhood friends that were ripped apart and then never stopped wanting or looking for one another. I mean she created the labyrinth in her mind with him as the key. HE'S LITERALLY HER SAFE PLACE BECAUSE HE PROMISED HE WOULD FIND HER AND SHE BELIEVES HIM. He thought of her every day!!! He built their house for her to have!!! I feel like their bond started as children because we get a few subtle references in their book that make me think this. One that she made him her key in her mind to protect her. Two that he a couple times early on references that he can feel her inside of him and knows what she's feeling. I'm not sure if it's actually true, but it makes me think that possibly could be so. Regardless, these two love each other so very much.
And we get it from the start. Sahara trusts Kaleb even though she cannot remember everything yet. She falls back on her instincts of taking care of him. When she invites him to breakfast and feeds him and makes sure things are okay for him. He fiercely wants to make sure she's okay and will never be harmed again. He too takes care of her, and puts her in the hands of her father to keep her safe and let her heal that way.
One of the best things we get is the flashbacks that fill out their childhood. It's not enough, I so want more, but that's because I'm greedy. But the ones we do get, as Sahara's abilities bring them forward, flesh out everything about them. The tree climbing, the first meeting, the bracelet, her wanting a kiss from him.
What makes them so great to me, or one of them, is how much they both want each other. There's never any doubt of that for me. They love each other and have each other despite everything that's happened to them. She feels that sentiment so early on. And he says it later, which is so important to me that he finally says it. Not because she needs to hear it, because she knows. But because of what it means for him to believe that he can say it and is worthy of that, after believing that he's not worth any of that.
(plus their sex literally makes them have geological anomalies)
I don't think their issues will go away. Sahara is scarred from her treatment at the hands of Tatiana. Kaleb will not suddenly forget or get over his abuse and such. But these two together can have their lives and heal. I want them living in their dream house and learning things all over again, and having completely filthy sex everywhere, and then working to family dinners that no one can say no to because your daughter's partner is the scariest person on the planet. As of now, they're set up as the defacto rulers of the Net. The model for others to follow. The Arrows are under their "guidance", the race is looking to them as where to go next. They get to do it all together and I'm super excited to see where it goes.
ALSO THEY TOTALLY GET A DOG AND NAME IT JUDD BECAUSE KALEB THINKS IT'S HILARIOUS; yes i wrote that fic, this is me.
Which leads me to BB EMPATH PRINCESS ELENA.
Okay, so this idea came to me a few months ago now?
It came about because while I don't think they don't want kids, I don't think Kaleb is/will ever be comfortable with passing on his genetics. They don't have to have kids, and certainly could change their mind, but from their past both talked about having children together and were excited over that. So I think they still would want to have that, but not necessarily of their own. So I got to thinking and it hit me that they would adopt children with either Arrow-like abilities or ones where their parents didn't want them; because the Psy race is not going to change in a night and there will still be those that don't want their children in the vein of Sophia. And these two so strongly know what can happen to children who are abused and left with no one, that they would fiercely rail against that and want to prevent that from happening as much as they could.
Hence, adopting was my grand idea.
To which then I had a late night talk with Grace about how Naya then prompts the empath adoption idea. What with their work with them coming up in book 13 and then seeing her on a business visit, it launched from there.
To which then I have had many conversations now with you, Emma. You ruined my life. Thanks.
So yes, now in my future, a few years from current and after Judd Puppy is no longer a puppy but will remain that way by name in my head, they decide to adopt a little empath baby. Either through Sascha's help or Aden likely will continue to keep track of these earmarked children or whatever POINT IS THEY GET A BABY; someone probably makes a joke that Kaleb stole the baby. And they're both worried, but both would be perfect to have children because they know everything not to do. And Judd is the godfather and it's super important. And she may one day have a bracelet that matches her mother's. Sahara may enlist her into forcing her father into eating real food. TREE CLIMBING LESSONS. Kaleb might tell elaborate stories during bath time with rubber duckies; these stories may be toned down retellings of the Ghost and his bff.
Anyway this post is now huge and now everyone knows my heart is full of these two.