Alone at night
I have a hard time getting to bed most nights. When I do lie down, my head won't stop, and all I can do is think of the things I have to do. To avoid that I basically stay up as late as I possibly can, knowing that the second I do finally lie down, I'll crash.
It's even more pronounced when I'm with Michael. He has a normal sleeping schedule, like a rock this one is. Seeing as I'm never with him I try not to miss a minute he and I could be snuggling, so when he goes to bed, so do I. This getting into bed has an overall positive effect, but I have to take my iPod to bed, just to have something to fall asleep to. I love him because if I'm having a really hard time sleeping, he'll wake up and realize it, stroking my hair until he collapses back to sleep.
The worst nights are the ones just after I've seen him. Even though we usually only spend 2 nights together a month, it's enough to make me even lonelier. My pillow still smells of him, his hair is all over it as well. I hate how my normally comfy bed seems so empty now. Eventually things will get back normal. It's easier when I visit him in Tampa, because we sleep in his bed, and he's not in mine. Now that he's gone from this bed, his absence is shouted by my sheets.
I don't sleep as well at home, or his apartment. It all comes down to whether I have this fluffy faux duvet. It's made of polyester, so I'm not allergic. In SC I have a king sized real duvet, that's made out of hypoallergenic down, which I don't have issues with, but it doesnt' feel or act the same way as my college one does. In Tampa he has just a normal comforter, which doesn't feel remotely like what I'm used to. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel the same way, or if I just have to buy another faux duvet in a bigger size to truly sleep well.
When I go home I have a queen size bed. It's great because I have room to spread out, but I just feel like I'm alone in an ocean of bed. I sleep with 2 full size decorative pillows, 2 full size pillows that go with the sheets, and an additional 2 full size pillows that come home with me from college (the fleece ones that mom and I made). Even with the 6 pillows it's not enough, to the extent that I think I may bring an extra body pillow home with me for the summer.
It'll be weird going home this summer. I haven't been back for more than three weeks at a time since the summer of 2003. I have tons of plans, study Chemistry for my certification exam, scrapbook like a madwoman, and hopefully make enough money to buy a new laptop. Of course as soon as I get there I'm pining to leave. When I leave the house to go run an errand my father always asks where I'm going and why. I have to call him when I get there, and let him know when I leave. I understand that I'm not really familiar with the area, but I have a map, and can get home even if I'm lost. God, it drives me nuts.
Dad hasn't been working since November of 2001, and it looks like he'll be training to work as a financial planner for Merril Lynch (however it's spelled). I'm glad not because of the extra income, but because of the fact that he'll be able to get out of the house. There has been a marked change in his personality since he's been at home, and not for the better. Dad is an incredibly good business person, but because of his lack of formal education, he has been having trouble getting a job (that and we live in the armpit of the south). Then on the jobs that he can get, he's way too experienced for it to work out. So he's basically completely overtaken control of running the house, but he's secretly miserable. I'm very happy that he will be able to focus on other things, and enjoy working again. It's not guarranteed, but the would be boss said to him in the last conversation "I'm glad you'll be joining us". Dad doesn't want to consider it a formal ok, but things look good. That makes me ecstatic, because that means that when I'm home over the summer, I'll be stuck in the house with my brother (who I can get along with unless he gangs up on me with my dad) rather than my "I need to control everything" dad.
I love being up late at night, because that is when I get to speak to most of my friends online. For some reason tonight, they've all gone to bed early. No idea why, but there's really no one online tonight, when all I want to do is talk about the place I'll be living in alone for the next year, as well as the new baby I'll be getting soon. Fascinating.
Most of you know of my personal website: tina.123581321.com, which I've been meaning to really set up, but haven't had the chance. I'll be keeping that up for file hosting, etc, but I've set up a new website using google pages. The address is: (myemail).googlepages.com If you don't have my gmail address, IM me or email me and I'll send it, I just don't intend to put it here for bots and abusers to find...
Well, I've wasted enough time tonight, I'll see you guys in the morning
It's even more pronounced when I'm with Michael. He has a normal sleeping schedule, like a rock this one is. Seeing as I'm never with him I try not to miss a minute he and I could be snuggling, so when he goes to bed, so do I. This getting into bed has an overall positive effect, but I have to take my iPod to bed, just to have something to fall asleep to. I love him because if I'm having a really hard time sleeping, he'll wake up and realize it, stroking my hair until he collapses back to sleep.
The worst nights are the ones just after I've seen him. Even though we usually only spend 2 nights together a month, it's enough to make me even lonelier. My pillow still smells of him, his hair is all over it as well. I hate how my normally comfy bed seems so empty now. Eventually things will get back normal. It's easier when I visit him in Tampa, because we sleep in his bed, and he's not in mine. Now that he's gone from this bed, his absence is shouted by my sheets.
I don't sleep as well at home, or his apartment. It all comes down to whether I have this fluffy faux duvet. It's made of polyester, so I'm not allergic. In SC I have a king sized real duvet, that's made out of hypoallergenic down, which I don't have issues with, but it doesnt' feel or act the same way as my college one does. In Tampa he has just a normal comforter, which doesn't feel remotely like what I'm used to. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel the same way, or if I just have to buy another faux duvet in a bigger size to truly sleep well.
When I go home I have a queen size bed. It's great because I have room to spread out, but I just feel like I'm alone in an ocean of bed. I sleep with 2 full size decorative pillows, 2 full size pillows that go with the sheets, and an additional 2 full size pillows that come home with me from college (the fleece ones that mom and I made). Even with the 6 pillows it's not enough, to the extent that I think I may bring an extra body pillow home with me for the summer.
It'll be weird going home this summer. I haven't been back for more than three weeks at a time since the summer of 2003. I have tons of plans, study Chemistry for my certification exam, scrapbook like a madwoman, and hopefully make enough money to buy a new laptop. Of course as soon as I get there I'm pining to leave. When I leave the house to go run an errand my father always asks where I'm going and why. I have to call him when I get there, and let him know when I leave. I understand that I'm not really familiar with the area, but I have a map, and can get home even if I'm lost. God, it drives me nuts.
Dad hasn't been working since November of 2001, and it looks like he'll be training to work as a financial planner for Merril Lynch (however it's spelled). I'm glad not because of the extra income, but because of the fact that he'll be able to get out of the house. There has been a marked change in his personality since he's been at home, and not for the better. Dad is an incredibly good business person, but because of his lack of formal education, he has been having trouble getting a job (that and we live in the armpit of the south). Then on the jobs that he can get, he's way too experienced for it to work out. So he's basically completely overtaken control of running the house, but he's secretly miserable. I'm very happy that he will be able to focus on other things, and enjoy working again. It's not guarranteed, but the would be boss said to him in the last conversation "I'm glad you'll be joining us". Dad doesn't want to consider it a formal ok, but things look good. That makes me ecstatic, because that means that when I'm home over the summer, I'll be stuck in the house with my brother (who I can get along with unless he gangs up on me with my dad) rather than my "I need to control everything" dad.
I love being up late at night, because that is when I get to speak to most of my friends online. For some reason tonight, they've all gone to bed early. No idea why, but there's really no one online tonight, when all I want to do is talk about the place I'll be living in alone for the next year, as well as the new baby I'll be getting soon. Fascinating.
Most of you know of my personal website: tina.123581321.com, which I've been meaning to really set up, but haven't had the chance. I'll be keeping that up for file hosting, etc, but I've set up a new website using google pages. The address is: (myemail).googlepages.com If you don't have my gmail address, IM me or email me and I'll send it, I just don't intend to put it here for bots and abusers to find...
Well, I've wasted enough time tonight, I'll see you guys in the morning