ouch
I'm not having a good week. I have yet to finish anything started, projects seem too big (like the dishes) and I just want to sit around and watch paint dry. I'm very down and have no reason other than the chemicals in my head.
my new shrink thinks I'm ok and that ups and downs are perfectly normal. but this kind of feeling for the length of time is not fun. this is what I hate, medicine works for a month or three and then I'm right back where I started at. ten years I've been trying to find the right medicine combo that has staying power for this bi-polar boy.
when I didn't know I was bi-polar and I just smoked lots of weed and drank lots of beer I made lots of money. but for the last ten years it has been a bloody nightmare rollercoaster with very little support. I like who I am now that I've been through lots of coping classes , anger management classes, relationship management classes. But right now I just want to be sedated.
I feel sorry for my girl, she worries about me too much. today she will call me every chance she gets. I keep telling her not to worry about it so much but I cannot stop her from being concerned. life was much easier when my main emotion was anger, but anger is a secondary emotion. underneath the anger lies your true feelings like jealousy or regret, fear. whatever. owning your feelings hurts a lot. no wonder why I hide behind anger.
I've just recently come to realize that I leave the house for three reasons. food, doctors, and pet stores.
I think I'm going to call my shrink now.
my new shrink thinks I'm ok and that ups and downs are perfectly normal. but this kind of feeling for the length of time is not fun. this is what I hate, medicine works for a month or three and then I'm right back where I started at. ten years I've been trying to find the right medicine combo that has staying power for this bi-polar boy.
when I didn't know I was bi-polar and I just smoked lots of weed and drank lots of beer I made lots of money. but for the last ten years it has been a bloody nightmare rollercoaster with very little support. I like who I am now that I've been through lots of coping classes , anger management classes, relationship management classes. But right now I just want to be sedated.
I feel sorry for my girl, she worries about me too much. today she will call me every chance she gets. I keep telling her not to worry about it so much but I cannot stop her from being concerned. life was much easier when my main emotion was anger, but anger is a secondary emotion. underneath the anger lies your true feelings like jealousy or regret, fear. whatever. owning your feelings hurts a lot. no wonder why I hide behind anger.
I've just recently come to realize that I leave the house for three reasons. food, doctors, and pet stores.
I think I'm going to call my shrink now.