the answer to the question of what is the meaning of life, the universe, everything
is 42.
*sigh* zen moments like these are rare.
it's hard to explain what it feels like to give massage such as I do. tonight I had 4 late-night additions to my daily work. 4 massages is a lot in one evening (considering if I was certified and charging it would have been a cool $240 but I digress)
it's me pouring my energy into someone else's body, my skin touching their skin, a very intimate and healing experience. when I'm done giving a massage, my happiness comes when I realize that I have done so much to and for them that they'll never realize. the fact that I know and can clinicly explain what it is that the feel physically, what that relaxation is, but that they cannot put into words. it is however the undescribable that I relish the most however. yes when the body relaxes it releases chemicals but for some reason during my massage sessions, my clients and patients (depending on the intended outsome) all reach a very deeply relaxed almost trance-like state and they end up telling me the things that they keep deep inside their hearts, souls and minds.
I like it even more then but not because I like to hold secrets over someone, but because true healing touches someone on a deeply personal level, the trust between myself and a total stranger forged in only a moment of physical contact is such a compliment to me that I honestly don't know how to react to that. and to know that by telling me and laying their souls bare they are releasing their inner deamons to torment them no more..... it's a very great feeling. it's really indescribable to have the abillity to physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually balance someone, or at least help them reach more of a balance, within the span of an hour to an hour and a half.
one massage a week for one client and she's off her meds for Manic depression, another patient (working in conjunction with a psychologist) is no longer hallucinating (he's schitzophrenic) I know that their respective psychologists are very helpful and I'm just a drop in the bucket, but if I have made their lives any better, if only because for one hour a week, they can forget about themselves and just be...... well, it's a special feeling.
I remember being 17 years old and being the first one on a horrific accident scene. 9 kids and 2 parents in one van, a Grand Am with a husband, pregnant wife and their 13 month old, and a Semi-truck.
I never asked "what do I do?" nor did I panic. I never heard a voice in my head tell me what the next step was. all I remember is
feeling a healthy detachment, almost as if I was controling myself from an observatory. I triaged the injured, I steered the emergency response team away from those that had already passed and were too far gone to bring back, and I comforted the children and those that, through unknown reasons, were entirely unharmed.
it was not a single effort mind you, others had stopped to help, but until the medical professionals arrived, I was the one calling the shots.
when it was all over, when the dust had cleared, when the last parent had come to pick up their child from my house (where the police were as well, just to take names and ensure that the children were safely back in thei correct parents hands) when the last "helper" went back on about their business I sat and was thankful that I had been in the wrong place at the right time, I was amazed at how little life was lost (only 2) and more importantly, I wept. tears of both Joy and pain fell freely and unabashadly from my face. I neither hid them, nor did I wipe them away.
my clothes were stained with the blood of those I had helped and it was then that I realized that I was meant to help people. I never felt more as one with everything as I did then.
since then I have been in the "wrong place at the right time" four more times and each acident seems to be worse than the last, however I have reacted in exactly the same way each time.
never have I left my name, and never have I sought praise or special welcome, nor do I now, it's just at zen moments like these that I realize how petty my personal struggles really are when put into perspective by a memory of those who had lost so much and those that have to re-build their lives because of such terrible tragedies.
each time I give a massage, I feel a connection to the deeper parts of those I'm helping and I like it, no, Thrive on it, I hunger for the release of someone's poision so that I can see the relief on their faces or help them through the tears of release.
once, I slept with a woman who would cry whenever she had an orgasm, and I never understood why she did. I realize now... many years after I last spoke to her, that hers were tears of release, and when you see someone shed those most special of all tears, and realize they shed them because of you..... it's an embarrasing feeling of accomplishment.
I'm not feeling very poetic tonight/this morning but I immediately wrote this on paper as soon as I got home, I only post it here because I don't want to lose it.
Let me feel...
Hands, warm as always
I firmly grasp your wrist
shaking loose the strain
and showing you I care
each part as important
as the one before it
all connected together
and each one will be done
your breath is slowing
a steady rythm like sleep
I rub slower, deeper
careful not to wake you
skin turning to blush
as blood flows to each area
it is the desired effect
to physically heal
you start to talk
of times long past
of personal triumph
but leads to intimate pain
I'm here to help
if only you show me
trust in my ears
as well as my hands
your pain I can feel
though I can't explain why
if I can feel it, I can sooth it
let me feel it
show me where it hurts
so that I might know
let me feel
let me heal
the tears have been shed
the candle burns low
your look is as unsettling
as it is flattering
no words of exaltation
nor praises wanted
a simple smile
an understood thanks
my equipment packed
I reach the door
no time for tea today
there is more work yet to be done
okay it's rough, needs polishing, but I wrote it as I thought it so I'm not making any apologies for it =]
this is another painfully long post (sorry) but sometimes the writing bug just bites me you know?
*sigh* it's now 6:45, I should go to bed, maybe now that I'm having a nice Zen moment, I'll be able to get to sleep......
*sigh* zen moments like these are rare.
it's hard to explain what it feels like to give massage such as I do. tonight I had 4 late-night additions to my daily work. 4 massages is a lot in one evening (considering if I was certified and charging it would have been a cool $240 but I digress)
it's me pouring my energy into someone else's body, my skin touching their skin, a very intimate and healing experience. when I'm done giving a massage, my happiness comes when I realize that I have done so much to and for them that they'll never realize. the fact that I know and can clinicly explain what it is that the feel physically, what that relaxation is, but that they cannot put into words. it is however the undescribable that I relish the most however. yes when the body relaxes it releases chemicals but for some reason during my massage sessions, my clients and patients (depending on the intended outsome) all reach a very deeply relaxed almost trance-like state and they end up telling me the things that they keep deep inside their hearts, souls and minds.
I like it even more then but not because I like to hold secrets over someone, but because true healing touches someone on a deeply personal level, the trust between myself and a total stranger forged in only a moment of physical contact is such a compliment to me that I honestly don't know how to react to that. and to know that by telling me and laying their souls bare they are releasing their inner deamons to torment them no more..... it's a very great feeling. it's really indescribable to have the abillity to physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually balance someone, or at least help them reach more of a balance, within the span of an hour to an hour and a half.
one massage a week for one client and she's off her meds for Manic depression, another patient (working in conjunction with a psychologist) is no longer hallucinating (he's schitzophrenic) I know that their respective psychologists are very helpful and I'm just a drop in the bucket, but if I have made their lives any better, if only because for one hour a week, they can forget about themselves and just be...... well, it's a special feeling.
I remember being 17 years old and being the first one on a horrific accident scene. 9 kids and 2 parents in one van, a Grand Am with a husband, pregnant wife and their 13 month old, and a Semi-truck.
I never asked "what do I do?" nor did I panic. I never heard a voice in my head tell me what the next step was. all I remember is
feeling a healthy detachment, almost as if I was controling myself from an observatory. I triaged the injured, I steered the emergency response team away from those that had already passed and were too far gone to bring back, and I comforted the children and those that, through unknown reasons, were entirely unharmed.
it was not a single effort mind you, others had stopped to help, but until the medical professionals arrived, I was the one calling the shots.
when it was all over, when the dust had cleared, when the last parent had come to pick up their child from my house (where the police were as well, just to take names and ensure that the children were safely back in thei correct parents hands) when the last "helper" went back on about their business I sat and was thankful that I had been in the wrong place at the right time, I was amazed at how little life was lost (only 2) and more importantly, I wept. tears of both Joy and pain fell freely and unabashadly from my face. I neither hid them, nor did I wipe them away.
my clothes were stained with the blood of those I had helped and it was then that I realized that I was meant to help people. I never felt more as one with everything as I did then.
since then I have been in the "wrong place at the right time" four more times and each acident seems to be worse than the last, however I have reacted in exactly the same way each time.
never have I left my name, and never have I sought praise or special welcome, nor do I now, it's just at zen moments like these that I realize how petty my personal struggles really are when put into perspective by a memory of those who had lost so much and those that have to re-build their lives because of such terrible tragedies.
each time I give a massage, I feel a connection to the deeper parts of those I'm helping and I like it, no, Thrive on it, I hunger for the release of someone's poision so that I can see the relief on their faces or help them through the tears of release.
once, I slept with a woman who would cry whenever she had an orgasm, and I never understood why she did. I realize now... many years after I last spoke to her, that hers were tears of release, and when you see someone shed those most special of all tears, and realize they shed them because of you..... it's an embarrasing feeling of accomplishment.
I'm not feeling very poetic tonight/this morning but I immediately wrote this on paper as soon as I got home, I only post it here because I don't want to lose it.
Let me feel...
Hands, warm as always
I firmly grasp your wrist
shaking loose the strain
and showing you I care
each part as important
as the one before it
all connected together
and each one will be done
your breath is slowing
a steady rythm like sleep
I rub slower, deeper
careful not to wake you
skin turning to blush
as blood flows to each area
it is the desired effect
to physically heal
you start to talk
of times long past
of personal triumph
but leads to intimate pain
I'm here to help
if only you show me
trust in my ears
as well as my hands
your pain I can feel
though I can't explain why
if I can feel it, I can sooth it
let me feel it
show me where it hurts
so that I might know
let me feel
let me heal
the tears have been shed
the candle burns low
your look is as unsettling
as it is flattering
no words of exaltation
nor praises wanted
a simple smile
an understood thanks
my equipment packed
I reach the door
no time for tea today
there is more work yet to be done
okay it's rough, needs polishing, but I wrote it as I thought it so I'm not making any apologies for it =]
this is another painfully long post (sorry) but sometimes the writing bug just bites me you know?
*sigh* it's now 6:45, I should go to bed, maybe now that I'm having a nice Zen moment, I'll be able to get to sleep......