Never motherfucking again...
.....will I ever do another line of cocaine. I mean it. Friday night was probably, besides the accident, the worst night of my life...well...No....I had lot of fun being fucked up. But....being strung out....at like daybreak, 36+ hours without sleep, fighting and almost lost the person who is a) my motivation, b) my happyness and c) my love...was the worst, I needed another line, or 10, I had already had panic attacks and tweaked out hours before this...I wanted to die. I had already lost her once, She would have never forgiven me for this one. and Like motherfucking hell was I going to pick a drug- that makes me feel like shit after I've blown half the fuckin 8ball....and consumes my WHOLE ENTIRE paycheck every single week....and am forced to lie to my grandmother, about how I needed to eat, and i needed cigarettes, and I how I didn't get alot of money in my check because I spent every penny I had on the shit. House charged my ciggz at work, and didn't eat all week, or someone else bought me food (which also made me feel like an asshole).- over her. Hell no. The only good thing about it was I lost alot of weight and looked mad hot, and at the same time I broke out with my "coke pimples" and then didn't look so hot anymore. I want to be hot. I don't want to be strung out, and I want to feel good, with my half-girlfriend/best friend. The only person who's ever given a fuck, and has proved herself on plenty more than one occasion. Coke changes people too....and seriously, I hate IT. I'm so done with it, I'm over it, I'm over the people who do it-especially the ones who've changed. I don't give a fuck anymore. I don't care who I hang out with. Just don't fucking be sketchy, don't be fake, don't fuck me over, Because I am real, I don't fuck people over (on purpose), I don't steal (unless you've stolen from or took advantaqge of me in any way because then you deserve it you fucking scumbags), I don't make shit up....
So once again- to all you fucking party monster wanna-bes, and to all of you just starting to try drugs and be cool, Fuck you. Don't bother with me, I want nothing to do with coke, and any drug that makes me feel really good at first, and then like I can't live without it, and then every line-or bump, or hit- after makes me feel like shit. and one day you all will feel what I have, but probably won't be strong enough- or have someone there who is- to fuckin kick your dumb asses out of it. Then you'll become fucking addicts, and junkies, and start sucking dick (if you already don't) to get money. and you'll start fucking over the people who mean the most to you, and then I'll see you on the street corner, while I'm driving...where ever I am and then I'll call up Hope, and thank her, because I won't be that way, because I'm better than that. better than all of you.....(not directed toward anyone imparticular)
So thank you Hope. Since I'm not strong enough. You were there, once again, saving me. I love you.
So once again- to all you fucking party monster wanna-bes, and to all of you just starting to try drugs and be cool, Fuck you. Don't bother with me, I want nothing to do with coke, and any drug that makes me feel really good at first, and then like I can't live without it, and then every line-or bump, or hit- after makes me feel like shit. and one day you all will feel what I have, but probably won't be strong enough- or have someone there who is- to fuckin kick your dumb asses out of it. Then you'll become fucking addicts, and junkies, and start sucking dick (if you already don't) to get money. and you'll start fucking over the people who mean the most to you, and then I'll see you on the street corner, while I'm driving...where ever I am and then I'll call up Hope, and thank her, because I won't be that way, because I'm better than that. better than all of you.....(not directed toward anyone imparticular)
So thank you Hope. Since I'm not strong enough. You were there, once again, saving me. I love you.