Fic: Four Words I Cannot Say (Torchwood Jack/Ianto PG13)
Title: Four Words I Cannot Say
Author: magikalrhiannon
Beta: kajmere & tkfaf
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: All up to Season 2 Something Borrowed
Summary: Jack fights to keep his feelings for Ianto to himself. Exhaustion could be his downfall.
Word Count: 3627
Disclaimer: All rights belong to BBC and Russell T Davies. I'm just finger-painting in someone else's masterpiece. No infringement intended.
Notes: For kajmere, cuz she owns me.
Prompt: by kajmere: 4 times Jack almost told Ianto he loved him and 1 time he did - bonus points if the time he did was in his sleep and Ianto heard.
The First Time
Ianto pushed open the door to his small flat and reached inside to flip on the light. He motioned to Jack.
“After you,” he said nervously, his eyes flittering between Jack and the floor. They had just returned from dinner, the date that Jack had asked him on upon his return from his time with the Doctor and Martha. Dinner had been … wonderful, yet awkward. Jack hadn't known what to talk about. Ianto was unsure what Jack's motives were. The rift had generously remained quiet and allowed them to eat their meal in peace, however stilted the conversation was, and at the end, Jack hesitantly asked if he could escort Ianto home. Ianto agreed and asked him up for coffee.
Jack stepped over the threshold. The flat hadn't changed much since he had left. There were a few more DVDs in the bookcase that he could see from the doorway, but the kitchen was exactly the same. Neat and tidy - unlived in. Behind him, Ianto walked in and closed the door, locking it. He hung up his overcoat on the coatrack tacked to the back of it. Jack started to shrug off his coat when he felt Ianto's fingers take the weight of the coat, easing it off his shoulders and arms.
“Thanks,” Jack said softly. Ianto smiled and turned, hanging it up beside his own coat carefully, smoothing it with his fingers.
He took a deep breath before he turned around and smiled wider. “Right. Coffee?”
Jack nodded. “I've never been one to turn down a cup of your magic brew.”
Ianto moved silently past him and into the kitchen, busying himself with setting up the coffee machine and turning it on. Jack watched the movements of his... he didn't know what to call Ianto. He was his lover. He hoped he still was. He knew his feelings were conflicted between Gwen and Ianto but he loved them both. Differently, but … he couldn't deny to himself that the feelings were there all the same.
He knew he hurt both of them when he left. Gwen had clearly moved on, back into the arms of her boyfriend, no fiance, Rhys. Maybe... maybe there was still a chance with Ianto. A chance to prove that he was worthy of forgiveness, of trust. He could even be worthy of... love? It was something he wanted desperately. It had been all he could think about, on the Valiant. Coming back to Ianto, to the team. He knew Gwen would be fine, she did have Rhys after all. She would bounce back, but he had been worried about Ianto. They'd only just come to terms with their... whatever it was, with the team before he left - unintentionally leaving Ianto alone with the fallout.
Even if Ianto couldn't love him... he could love Ianto. He would have to keep it to himself, of course, but he could show it in his actions. Prove it to him, everyday. Prove he was worthy of forgiveness. He had to. He had to, otherwise the darkness would swallow him up.
Feeling a sense of desperation well inside him, he stepped forward and pressed himself against Ianto's back, his arms winding around Ianto's waist and buried his head in Ianto's neck.
“Jack?” Ianto asked softly, a hand finding it's way into Jack's hair to stroke his head gently. “Are you alright?”
“I'm sorry,” Jack whispered, his voice muffled against Ianto's neck.
“Jack, I don't-”
“I'm sorry I left.” Jack moved his head to rest it on Ianto's shoulder. “I honestly didn't mean to be gone so long. I just wanted to get some answers and things happened beyond my control and-”
Ianto turned in Jack's arms and placed a finger on Jack's lips. Jack stared into his blue eyes, and silently urged him to see all the grief, the torture, the pain he went through and just believe him that he never meant for any of it to happen the way it did.
“I know,” Ianto said finally.
Jack closed his eyes in relief, his body sagging with relief. When he opened them, his cobalt blue eyes burned into Ianto's. “I really did come back for you.”
Ianto snorted softly. “Please, Jack. I'm not an idiot.” He made to pull out of Jack's arms but Jack tightened his hold.
“What's that supposed to mean?” Jack demanded, frowning.
Ianto shrugged. “I know I'm your second choice.” He looked away and huffed. “I really don't need empty promises and bullshit declarations to get me back into your bed.”
Jack's jaw dropped. “Ianto. You're no one's second choice. I l-” He nearly said it. He nearly broke his promise to himself right then and there!
“I saw the little tete-a-tete between you and Gwen in the cells on the CCTV, Jack. So please, don't treat me like an idiot.” Ianto turned around at the sound of the coffee machine being ready.
“Wait. Ianto please. Look at me.” Jack waited for Ianto to turn back to face him. “I promise you, here and now, there is no one else.” He cupped Ianto's face. “I asked you on a date. I want to be with you. While I was away, I thought about you.”
Ianto studied him. Finally he said, “Jack Harkness is going to try monogamy, hmm?”
“If that's what it takes for you to give me another chance, yes.”
Ianto turned back around and picked up the two mugs from the coffee machine. He handed one to Jack.
“Let's see how you do on date number two, hmm?”
Jack grinned. At least it was a start.
The Second Time
Things had been slow going between Jack and Ianto since their first date. The rift hadn't been co-operating, and between that and Ianto's reluctance to jump head first into anything that resembled a relationship, they hadn't gotten further than, well, the first date.
Ianto still stayed later than the others, sharing a late night coffee with Jack when the Hub was empty. They... talked... more than they used to. Not about cases, though they did talk about those. Ianto was insightful. Jack already knew he was intelligent but Ianto had an attention to detail that was unparalleled by anyone else in the office and with Tosh on the team, that was saying something. More than that, Ianto was able to converse on a philosophical level. He was well read. Jack would even go so far as to say that he had what people would call an 'old soul'.
Sometimes Jack forgot he was only 26. He'd been thinking a lot about how young Ianto was lately, with the 'thawing out' of Tommy from his cryogenic sleep. Not that he cared how old Ianto was. As long as Ianto was happy to be with him, that was all that mattered.
He sighed and tried to focus on the paperwork in front of him. He heard footsteps behind him, coming up the stairs. It had to be Ianto. The others had been sent home. Ianto had been hiding down in the archives under the guise of work, but Jack thought he had something on his mind, something he was trying to sort through. He just hoped that when Ianto sorted it out in his head he would come to him, talk to him about it.
He waited for Ianto to say something. He didn't. So Jack spoke first. “This time tomorrow, he'll be back in 1918.”
“In his own time,” Ianto said from behind him. Jack could hear the hesitation in his voice before he asked, “Would you go back to yours? If you could?”
Jack was amused by the question. He stopped shuffling the papers on his desk. “Why, would you miss me?” He hoped so. He missed Ianto like a limb while he'd been away. He still missed him now, even though they were in the same room. He wanted the intimacy back, but he knew it had to be at Ianto's pace and he was willing to wait.
“Yep.” Jack could smell Ianto's aftershave wafting in the air. His heartrate increased the closer Ianto came to him.
Pretending to be busy, Jack looked back down at his paperwork. He started to shuffle his papers again, gathering them up. “I left home a long time ago. I don't really know where I really belong.” He paused, raising his head to stare out at the Hub through the glass wall in front of him. “Maybe that doesn't matter anymore.”
“I -” When Ianto sat down on the edge of his desk, it was all Jack could do to stop himself from reaching out, to place his hand on him, pull him onto his lap. He looked a little lost, hesitant. Like he shouldn't be asking the questions. “Don’t you get lonely?”
When Ianto looked away from him, his eyes focusing on the floor, Jack shoved the stacked papers into the folder on his desk. He looked up at his... lover.
“Going home wouldn't fix that.” Jack looked down at his closed hands on his desk. He didn't want to make Ianto feel forced or uncomfortable. “Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was.” He wanted to say that included him, that he loved him, but he couldn't. It was too early. “And I wouldn't change that for the world.”
Ianto stared at him for a moment, before wrapping a hand around Jack's head and pulling him in close, kissing him passionately. Jack kissed him back immediately, his hands rising up to cradle Ianto's head, his fingers sliding into his dark brown hair, teasing the soft strands. Ianto moaned, opening his mouth and Jack took the invitation, sliding his tongue inside. Jack's own reaction was immediate. He wanted to pull Ianto onto his lap, fuck him then and there, but he held off. He knew that if he pushed too hard, too fast, it would come crashing down around him.
Ianto ended the kiss, resting his forehead against Jack's as he fought to catch his breath, his chest rapidly rising and falling. Jack traced his cheek with his fingertip, smiling when Ianto shuddered.
“I missed you,” Ianto whispered his admission.
Jack smiled. “I missed you too. I...I still do,” he finished.
Ianto pulled back a little. “Then maybe you should power the Hub down and take me on date number two?”
Jack leered. “I don't know. Will I get any action this time?” Jack asked jokingly.
Ianto stood up from Jack's desk. “Play your cards right, you might get some more making out.”
Jack powered the Hub down from his computer and stood up. He reached for Ianto's hand, pulling him back. “Ianto... we are okay, aren't we?”
Ianto looked at him for a moment before he replied, “You said you wanted it to be different this time, Jack. This is your chance to prove it.”
Jack smiled. “Okay. So, dinner, maybe a movie on your couch? Some making out?”
Ianto smirked as he pulled Jack out of his office. “Make it a Bond movie and I can guarantee some making out.”
The Third Time
Jack walked back into the Hub, his mind full of Gray and home, Adam and -
“Jack.”
He heard his name whispered behind him. It sounded like Ianto. They had been a little strained lately, because of Adam, his confiding in Adam, but he would know that voice anywhere. He turned.
“Ianto,” he smiled. It had been awhile since they had been alone. Maybe they could use this time to get back on track. Jack headed down the stairs towards Ianto. He sat with his back the spiral stairs in the coffee area. The closer he got though, the more Jack could see that there was something wrong. Ianto was pale, and he looked upset. “Hey. What's wrong?”
“You'll have to put me in the vaults. Lock me up. I killed three girls.” He sniffled. He'd been crying. Tears ran freely down his cheeks. “Strangled them.”
Jack's smile dropped off his face. “Stop kidding around.”
“I'm serious.” He looked serious. He looked devastated. “I murdered them, in cold blood. I took their bodies, and...” He struggled to his feet. He looked around, dazed. Jack thought he looked like he was lost in memories, or a psychosis. “You have to lock me away... before I turn on you. None of you are safe.”
He started to push past Jack, but Jack grabbed Ianto's arm to stop him. No way was this happening. Not to Ianto. Not his Ianto. Not the man he loved.
“Hey, hey!” Jack grabbed Ianto's arm and turned him around to look at him. “Come here, come here. What's happened to you?” He held him close and Ianto clung to him.
Ianto whispered in the darkness of the Hub, “I'm a monster.”
Jack's blood ran cold as he saw in Ianto's eyes that he really believed it.
Jack made him wait while he dug out the best lie detector in the universe and strapped Ianto into it. As he asked Ianto questions and the readings came back positive, Ianto became more and more hysterical.
“No! I don't believe it! Something's changed you,” Jack shook his head. He refused to believe that his beautiful Ianto was capable of such horrendous and heinous acts.
When they went through the CCTV footage, the blood samples, Ianto's own diary and realised that it was Adam, it had to be Adam, it was all Jack could do to stop himself from declaring to Ianto that 'See? I told you couldn't do it! I knew it! I knew you couldn't do it because no way could I fall in love with a monster.'
Instead, he hugged and kissed Ianto all night in his bunker, comforting him against the nightmares that followed, thanks to the false memories that Adam had implanted in Ianto's brain.
When Jack administered the retcon to the team and Ianto admitted aloud that Jack gave him meaning again, his heart soared. It gave him the strength he needed to retcon himself when Adam wormed himself into his own memories of his younger brother, wiping them out forever.
Saving Ianto, it was worth it.
The Fourth Time
Gwen looked radiant in his arms as they danced.
“Enjoy the honeymoon,” Jack smiled as he looked down at her.
She looked up at him. “I will.” He laughed. “What will you do while I'm gone?” she asked softly, hesitantly.
“Ooh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto...” Gwen laughed with him. “Save the world a couple of times.”
Gwen nodded. “Will you miss me?” She sounded insecure.
“Always,” Jack said, emotion getting the better of him. “Rhys is a lucky man, a perfect husband.” Something he could never be. “He's loyal... brave... he's got a hell of a swing on him!” He had to chuckle. But the moment passed. “And best of all, he really loves you.”
“I know,” Gwen replied.
To their side, a voice said, “May I... erm...?” and a cleared throat. “Ahem.”
Jack looked to see Ianto standing there, blushing. He was beautiful. Gwen and Jack stepped apart.
“Yes,” Gwen smiled. She held her hands up to dance with Ianto however he stepped into her place and turned to dance with Jack.
Jack couldn't help but smile as Ianto stepped into his arms, and they started to move to the music.
“I didn't expect this,” Jack said softly as they swayed in time with the music.
“I'm full of surprises, Jack,” Ianto replied, his fingers tightening on Jack's shoulder where he had his hold. “So are you. Apparently you'll be doing me while Gwen's away.”
Jack chuckled. “Was I wrong?”
He stiffened. “I guess not.”
Jack tightened his hold. “Hey. You know it's not like that, right?” Ianto turned his head slightly to look at Jack. “Us, I mean. We're not like that. I...” He nearly said it. It was on the tip of his tongue. That he loved him. They weren't fucking, that it was making love - even if sometimes it was hard and rough.
Ianto looked away. “I know, Jack.” He sighed softly. “I wouldn't have allowed you back into my bed if it was.”
Jack relaxed a little, but pulled Ianto closer. He wished all these people would disappear. “Do you want to come back to the Hub with me tonight? Or I could... I could come home to your place?”
Ianto smiled and pressed a soft kiss on Jack's cheek. “Raincheck? Tonight is going to be a late one and I have to go see my sister and her kids in the morning.”
Jack pushed the disappointment down. “We don't have to...”
Ianto nodded. “I know.” He pulled Jack closer. “Doesn't mean we can't disappear and have some fun in the SUV while everyone else is distracted by the reception,” he whispered in Jack's ear.
Jack grinned. “Ianto Jones, I love you-r thinking.”
“Meet me outside in five minutes?” Ianto asked when the song ended. Jack nodded. “Thank you for the dance.”
“My pleasure.” Jack watched him walk away, his pants already tightening in the crotch area. Five minutes later he was sneaking out the door himself, heading for the SUV where Ianto was indeed waiting. Was it any wonder he was in love with this man?
The Fifth Time
Owen was monitoring the Hub, one of the benefits of him being 'undead' - Jack could spend more nights at Ianto's flat instead of being stuck underground watching the rift. He found he slept longer, deeper in Ianto's bed than he ever did in the double army cot Ianto snorted at when he called it a bed.
Recently he'd been having dreams, the same dreams.
In his dream Jack and Ianto were working an invasion would happen - the alien would change every time, but the dream was always the same. Ianto would be kidnapped, held to ransom unless Jack did what they wanted. Jack would panic, and offer himself in exchange.
“Please, don't take him. Take me!” he'd beg. But his pleas would fall on deaf ears. Ianto would tell him to not fall for it, to save the world, sacrifice him for the good of the country. In front of his eyes, Ianto would be murdered, the aliens would disappear, and Ianto would lay limp in his arms, as Jack sobbed over his corpse, “Come back to me! I love you! Ianto come back to me, please! I love you Ianto.”
He felt hands on his arms and he tried to throw them off. Only when he heard Ianto's voice calling him did he wake.
“Jack, it's okay. It's a dream. Jack, wake up.”
Jack gasped awake, jerking upwards. Ianto would be there, a glass of water on his nightstand, a comforting hand on his arm.
“You okay?” Ianto asked one night.
Jack nodded. “Just a dream.”
“You've been having them a lot lately,” Ianto noted. Jack handed him the empty glass.
“Guess I just need to get my brain to shut off.” Jack tried to leer at him, “Got any suggestions?”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “I'm exhausted, Jack. I can't believe you're still functioning.” He paused. “Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?” he asked. “It might help set your mind at ease.”
Jack sighed. “I just keep dreaming about you being kidnapped by aliens and killed. It's nothing. It won't happen.”
Ianto smiled. “I know it won't. Captain Harkness would never let his supplier die. Wherever else would he get his hit from?”
“I'm not that addicted to your cock you know,” Jack huffed.
Ianto chuckled. “I was talking about my coffee, but okay.” He laid back down. “C'mon. C'mere.” He opened his arms. Jack willingly laid down beside him, his head resting on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto's arms wrapped around him, cocooning him in warmth and safety. He felt Ianto's lips on his forehead. “Rest, Jack. The aliens will be there tomorrow, no doubt. Until then, I won't be going anywhere.”
Jack felt his eyes get drowsy as one of Ianto's hands lazily danced up and down his spine. “Promise?” he huffed out on the edge of consciousness.
“I promise,” Ianto whispered back. “Sleep Jack. I'll look after you.”
“Mmm,” Jack mumbled as he drifted into sleep. In his mind, he and Ianto were laying on the beach, enjoying a holiday from Torchwood and basking in the sun. “I love you, Ianto,” he breathed as he looked at his lover in his dream, a smile widening across his features.
In the bedroom, his lover tightened his hold on him and pressed his lips against his forehead at the mumbled words.
“I know,” he whispered against Jack's skin in the dark, his lips curving into a smile. “I love you, too. Sleep.”
But Jack was deeply asleep. He had no idea his words were heard, and he never heard them repeated back. Ianto drifted into slumber beside him, a smile still on his face.
Author: magikalrhiannon
Beta: kajmere & tkfaf
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: All up to Season 2 Something Borrowed
Summary: Jack fights to keep his feelings for Ianto to himself. Exhaustion could be his downfall.
Word Count: 3627
Disclaimer: All rights belong to BBC and Russell T Davies. I'm just finger-painting in someone else's masterpiece. No infringement intended.
Notes: For kajmere, cuz she owns me.
Prompt: by kajmere: 4 times Jack almost told Ianto he loved him and 1 time he did - bonus points if the time he did was in his sleep and Ianto heard.
The First Time
Ianto pushed open the door to his small flat and reached inside to flip on the light. He motioned to Jack.
“After you,” he said nervously, his eyes flittering between Jack and the floor. They had just returned from dinner, the date that Jack had asked him on upon his return from his time with the Doctor and Martha. Dinner had been … wonderful, yet awkward. Jack hadn't known what to talk about. Ianto was unsure what Jack's motives were. The rift had generously remained quiet and allowed them to eat their meal in peace, however stilted the conversation was, and at the end, Jack hesitantly asked if he could escort Ianto home. Ianto agreed and asked him up for coffee.
Jack stepped over the threshold. The flat hadn't changed much since he had left. There were a few more DVDs in the bookcase that he could see from the doorway, but the kitchen was exactly the same. Neat and tidy - unlived in. Behind him, Ianto walked in and closed the door, locking it. He hung up his overcoat on the coatrack tacked to the back of it. Jack started to shrug off his coat when he felt Ianto's fingers take the weight of the coat, easing it off his shoulders and arms.
“Thanks,” Jack said softly. Ianto smiled and turned, hanging it up beside his own coat carefully, smoothing it with his fingers.
He took a deep breath before he turned around and smiled wider. “Right. Coffee?”
Jack nodded. “I've never been one to turn down a cup of your magic brew.”
Ianto moved silently past him and into the kitchen, busying himself with setting up the coffee machine and turning it on. Jack watched the movements of his... he didn't know what to call Ianto. He was his lover. He hoped he still was. He knew his feelings were conflicted between Gwen and Ianto but he loved them both. Differently, but … he couldn't deny to himself that the feelings were there all the same.
He knew he hurt both of them when he left. Gwen had clearly moved on, back into the arms of her boyfriend, no fiance, Rhys. Maybe... maybe there was still a chance with Ianto. A chance to prove that he was worthy of forgiveness, of trust. He could even be worthy of... love? It was something he wanted desperately. It had been all he could think about, on the Valiant. Coming back to Ianto, to the team. He knew Gwen would be fine, she did have Rhys after all. She would bounce back, but he had been worried about Ianto. They'd only just come to terms with their... whatever it was, with the team before he left - unintentionally leaving Ianto alone with the fallout.
Even if Ianto couldn't love him... he could love Ianto. He would have to keep it to himself, of course, but he could show it in his actions. Prove it to him, everyday. Prove he was worthy of forgiveness. He had to. He had to, otherwise the darkness would swallow him up.
Feeling a sense of desperation well inside him, he stepped forward and pressed himself against Ianto's back, his arms winding around Ianto's waist and buried his head in Ianto's neck.
“Jack?” Ianto asked softly, a hand finding it's way into Jack's hair to stroke his head gently. “Are you alright?”
“I'm sorry,” Jack whispered, his voice muffled against Ianto's neck.
“Jack, I don't-”
“I'm sorry I left.” Jack moved his head to rest it on Ianto's shoulder. “I honestly didn't mean to be gone so long. I just wanted to get some answers and things happened beyond my control and-”
Ianto turned in Jack's arms and placed a finger on Jack's lips. Jack stared into his blue eyes, and silently urged him to see all the grief, the torture, the pain he went through and just believe him that he never meant for any of it to happen the way it did.
“I know,” Ianto said finally.
Jack closed his eyes in relief, his body sagging with relief. When he opened them, his cobalt blue eyes burned into Ianto's. “I really did come back for you.”
Ianto snorted softly. “Please, Jack. I'm not an idiot.” He made to pull out of Jack's arms but Jack tightened his hold.
“What's that supposed to mean?” Jack demanded, frowning.
Ianto shrugged. “I know I'm your second choice.” He looked away and huffed. “I really don't need empty promises and bullshit declarations to get me back into your bed.”
Jack's jaw dropped. “Ianto. You're no one's second choice. I l-” He nearly said it. He nearly broke his promise to himself right then and there!
“I saw the little tete-a-tete between you and Gwen in the cells on the CCTV, Jack. So please, don't treat me like an idiot.” Ianto turned around at the sound of the coffee machine being ready.
“Wait. Ianto please. Look at me.” Jack waited for Ianto to turn back to face him. “I promise you, here and now, there is no one else.” He cupped Ianto's face. “I asked you on a date. I want to be with you. While I was away, I thought about you.”
Ianto studied him. Finally he said, “Jack Harkness is going to try monogamy, hmm?”
“If that's what it takes for you to give me another chance, yes.”
Ianto turned back around and picked up the two mugs from the coffee machine. He handed one to Jack.
“Let's see how you do on date number two, hmm?”
Jack grinned. At least it was a start.
The Second Time
Things had been slow going between Jack and Ianto since their first date. The rift hadn't been co-operating, and between that and Ianto's reluctance to jump head first into anything that resembled a relationship, they hadn't gotten further than, well, the first date.
Ianto still stayed later than the others, sharing a late night coffee with Jack when the Hub was empty. They... talked... more than they used to. Not about cases, though they did talk about those. Ianto was insightful. Jack already knew he was intelligent but Ianto had an attention to detail that was unparalleled by anyone else in the office and with Tosh on the team, that was saying something. More than that, Ianto was able to converse on a philosophical level. He was well read. Jack would even go so far as to say that he had what people would call an 'old soul'.
Sometimes Jack forgot he was only 26. He'd been thinking a lot about how young Ianto was lately, with the 'thawing out' of Tommy from his cryogenic sleep. Not that he cared how old Ianto was. As long as Ianto was happy to be with him, that was all that mattered.
He sighed and tried to focus on the paperwork in front of him. He heard footsteps behind him, coming up the stairs. It had to be Ianto. The others had been sent home. Ianto had been hiding down in the archives under the guise of work, but Jack thought he had something on his mind, something he was trying to sort through. He just hoped that when Ianto sorted it out in his head he would come to him, talk to him about it.
He waited for Ianto to say something. He didn't. So Jack spoke first. “This time tomorrow, he'll be back in 1918.”
“In his own time,” Ianto said from behind him. Jack could hear the hesitation in his voice before he asked, “Would you go back to yours? If you could?”
Jack was amused by the question. He stopped shuffling the papers on his desk. “Why, would you miss me?” He hoped so. He missed Ianto like a limb while he'd been away. He still missed him now, even though they were in the same room. He wanted the intimacy back, but he knew it had to be at Ianto's pace and he was willing to wait.
“Yep.” Jack could smell Ianto's aftershave wafting in the air. His heartrate increased the closer Ianto came to him.
Pretending to be busy, Jack looked back down at his paperwork. He started to shuffle his papers again, gathering them up. “I left home a long time ago. I don't really know where I really belong.” He paused, raising his head to stare out at the Hub through the glass wall in front of him. “Maybe that doesn't matter anymore.”
“I -” When Ianto sat down on the edge of his desk, it was all Jack could do to stop himself from reaching out, to place his hand on him, pull him onto his lap. He looked a little lost, hesitant. Like he shouldn't be asking the questions. “Don’t you get lonely?”
When Ianto looked away from him, his eyes focusing on the floor, Jack shoved the stacked papers into the folder on his desk. He looked up at his... lover.
“Going home wouldn't fix that.” Jack looked down at his closed hands on his desk. He didn't want to make Ianto feel forced or uncomfortable. “Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was.” He wanted to say that included him, that he loved him, but he couldn't. It was too early. “And I wouldn't change that for the world.”
Ianto stared at him for a moment, before wrapping a hand around Jack's head and pulling him in close, kissing him passionately. Jack kissed him back immediately, his hands rising up to cradle Ianto's head, his fingers sliding into his dark brown hair, teasing the soft strands. Ianto moaned, opening his mouth and Jack took the invitation, sliding his tongue inside. Jack's own reaction was immediate. He wanted to pull Ianto onto his lap, fuck him then and there, but he held off. He knew that if he pushed too hard, too fast, it would come crashing down around him.
Ianto ended the kiss, resting his forehead against Jack's as he fought to catch his breath, his chest rapidly rising and falling. Jack traced his cheek with his fingertip, smiling when Ianto shuddered.
“I missed you,” Ianto whispered his admission.
Jack smiled. “I missed you too. I...I still do,” he finished.
Ianto pulled back a little. “Then maybe you should power the Hub down and take me on date number two?”
Jack leered. “I don't know. Will I get any action this time?” Jack asked jokingly.
Ianto stood up from Jack's desk. “Play your cards right, you might get some more making out.”
Jack powered the Hub down from his computer and stood up. He reached for Ianto's hand, pulling him back. “Ianto... we are okay, aren't we?”
Ianto looked at him for a moment before he replied, “You said you wanted it to be different this time, Jack. This is your chance to prove it.”
Jack smiled. “Okay. So, dinner, maybe a movie on your couch? Some making out?”
Ianto smirked as he pulled Jack out of his office. “Make it a Bond movie and I can guarantee some making out.”
The Third Time
Jack walked back into the Hub, his mind full of Gray and home, Adam and -
“Jack.”
He heard his name whispered behind him. It sounded like Ianto. They had been a little strained lately, because of Adam, his confiding in Adam, but he would know that voice anywhere. He turned.
“Ianto,” he smiled. It had been awhile since they had been alone. Maybe they could use this time to get back on track. Jack headed down the stairs towards Ianto. He sat with his back the spiral stairs in the coffee area. The closer he got though, the more Jack could see that there was something wrong. Ianto was pale, and he looked upset. “Hey. What's wrong?”
“You'll have to put me in the vaults. Lock me up. I killed three girls.” He sniffled. He'd been crying. Tears ran freely down his cheeks. “Strangled them.”
Jack's smile dropped off his face. “Stop kidding around.”
“I'm serious.” He looked serious. He looked devastated. “I murdered them, in cold blood. I took their bodies, and...” He struggled to his feet. He looked around, dazed. Jack thought he looked like he was lost in memories, or a psychosis. “You have to lock me away... before I turn on you. None of you are safe.”
He started to push past Jack, but Jack grabbed Ianto's arm to stop him. No way was this happening. Not to Ianto. Not his Ianto. Not the man he loved.
“Hey, hey!” Jack grabbed Ianto's arm and turned him around to look at him. “Come here, come here. What's happened to you?” He held him close and Ianto clung to him.
Ianto whispered in the darkness of the Hub, “I'm a monster.”
Jack's blood ran cold as he saw in Ianto's eyes that he really believed it.
Jack made him wait while he dug out the best lie detector in the universe and strapped Ianto into it. As he asked Ianto questions and the readings came back positive, Ianto became more and more hysterical.
“No! I don't believe it! Something's changed you,” Jack shook his head. He refused to believe that his beautiful Ianto was capable of such horrendous and heinous acts.
When they went through the CCTV footage, the blood samples, Ianto's own diary and realised that it was Adam, it had to be Adam, it was all Jack could do to stop himself from declaring to Ianto that 'See? I told you couldn't do it! I knew it! I knew you couldn't do it because no way could I fall in love with a monster.'
Instead, he hugged and kissed Ianto all night in his bunker, comforting him against the nightmares that followed, thanks to the false memories that Adam had implanted in Ianto's brain.
When Jack administered the retcon to the team and Ianto admitted aloud that Jack gave him meaning again, his heart soared. It gave him the strength he needed to retcon himself when Adam wormed himself into his own memories of his younger brother, wiping them out forever.
Saving Ianto, it was worth it.
The Fourth Time
Gwen looked radiant in his arms as they danced.
“Enjoy the honeymoon,” Jack smiled as he looked down at her.
She looked up at him. “I will.” He laughed. “What will you do while I'm gone?” she asked softly, hesitantly.
“Ooh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto...” Gwen laughed with him. “Save the world a couple of times.”
Gwen nodded. “Will you miss me?” She sounded insecure.
“Always,” Jack said, emotion getting the better of him. “Rhys is a lucky man, a perfect husband.” Something he could never be. “He's loyal... brave... he's got a hell of a swing on him!” He had to chuckle. But the moment passed. “And best of all, he really loves you.”
“I know,” Gwen replied.
To their side, a voice said, “May I... erm...?” and a cleared throat. “Ahem.”
Jack looked to see Ianto standing there, blushing. He was beautiful. Gwen and Jack stepped apart.
“Yes,” Gwen smiled. She held her hands up to dance with Ianto however he stepped into her place and turned to dance with Jack.
Jack couldn't help but smile as Ianto stepped into his arms, and they started to move to the music.
“I didn't expect this,” Jack said softly as they swayed in time with the music.
“I'm full of surprises, Jack,” Ianto replied, his fingers tightening on Jack's shoulder where he had his hold. “So are you. Apparently you'll be doing me while Gwen's away.”
Jack chuckled. “Was I wrong?”
He stiffened. “I guess not.”
Jack tightened his hold. “Hey. You know it's not like that, right?” Ianto turned his head slightly to look at Jack. “Us, I mean. We're not like that. I...” He nearly said it. It was on the tip of his tongue. That he loved him. They weren't fucking, that it was making love - even if sometimes it was hard and rough.
Ianto looked away. “I know, Jack.” He sighed softly. “I wouldn't have allowed you back into my bed if it was.”
Jack relaxed a little, but pulled Ianto closer. He wished all these people would disappear. “Do you want to come back to the Hub with me tonight? Or I could... I could come home to your place?”
Ianto smiled and pressed a soft kiss on Jack's cheek. “Raincheck? Tonight is going to be a late one and I have to go see my sister and her kids in the morning.”
Jack pushed the disappointment down. “We don't have to...”
Ianto nodded. “I know.” He pulled Jack closer. “Doesn't mean we can't disappear and have some fun in the SUV while everyone else is distracted by the reception,” he whispered in Jack's ear.
Jack grinned. “Ianto Jones, I love you-r thinking.”
“Meet me outside in five minutes?” Ianto asked when the song ended. Jack nodded. “Thank you for the dance.”
“My pleasure.” Jack watched him walk away, his pants already tightening in the crotch area. Five minutes later he was sneaking out the door himself, heading for the SUV where Ianto was indeed waiting. Was it any wonder he was in love with this man?
The Fifth Time
Owen was monitoring the Hub, one of the benefits of him being 'undead' - Jack could spend more nights at Ianto's flat instead of being stuck underground watching the rift. He found he slept longer, deeper in Ianto's bed than he ever did in the double army cot Ianto snorted at when he called it a bed.
Recently he'd been having dreams, the same dreams.
In his dream Jack and Ianto were working an invasion would happen - the alien would change every time, but the dream was always the same. Ianto would be kidnapped, held to ransom unless Jack did what they wanted. Jack would panic, and offer himself in exchange.
“Please, don't take him. Take me!” he'd beg. But his pleas would fall on deaf ears. Ianto would tell him to not fall for it, to save the world, sacrifice him for the good of the country. In front of his eyes, Ianto would be murdered, the aliens would disappear, and Ianto would lay limp in his arms, as Jack sobbed over his corpse, “Come back to me! I love you! Ianto come back to me, please! I love you Ianto.”
He felt hands on his arms and he tried to throw them off. Only when he heard Ianto's voice calling him did he wake.
“Jack, it's okay. It's a dream. Jack, wake up.”
Jack gasped awake, jerking upwards. Ianto would be there, a glass of water on his nightstand, a comforting hand on his arm.
“You okay?” Ianto asked one night.
Jack nodded. “Just a dream.”
“You've been having them a lot lately,” Ianto noted. Jack handed him the empty glass.
“Guess I just need to get my brain to shut off.” Jack tried to leer at him, “Got any suggestions?”
Ianto rolled his eyes. “I'm exhausted, Jack. I can't believe you're still functioning.” He paused. “Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?” he asked. “It might help set your mind at ease.”
Jack sighed. “I just keep dreaming about you being kidnapped by aliens and killed. It's nothing. It won't happen.”
Ianto smiled. “I know it won't. Captain Harkness would never let his supplier die. Wherever else would he get his hit from?”
“I'm not that addicted to your cock you know,” Jack huffed.
Ianto chuckled. “I was talking about my coffee, but okay.” He laid back down. “C'mon. C'mere.” He opened his arms. Jack willingly laid down beside him, his head resting on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto's arms wrapped around him, cocooning him in warmth and safety. He felt Ianto's lips on his forehead. “Rest, Jack. The aliens will be there tomorrow, no doubt. Until then, I won't be going anywhere.”
Jack felt his eyes get drowsy as one of Ianto's hands lazily danced up and down his spine. “Promise?” he huffed out on the edge of consciousness.
“I promise,” Ianto whispered back. “Sleep Jack. I'll look after you.”
“Mmm,” Jack mumbled as he drifted into sleep. In his mind, he and Ianto were laying on the beach, enjoying a holiday from Torchwood and basking in the sun. “I love you, Ianto,” he breathed as he looked at his lover in his dream, a smile widening across his features.
In the bedroom, his lover tightened his hold on him and pressed his lips against his forehead at the mumbled words.
“I know,” he whispered against Jack's skin in the dark, his lips curving into a smile. “I love you, too. Sleep.”
But Jack was deeply asleep. He had no idea his words were heard, and he never heard them repeated back. Ianto drifted into slumber beside him, a smile still on his face.