Randomness.
It's odd, how menacing the computer looks when I'm dreading an email. I feel as if it's waiting to pounce. It starts to seem like a gargoyle is perched on my desk, waiting to savage me. I start feeling nauseous. I tend to stay away from the office. I have no wish to play computer games at all. On the other hand, it means I get more things done.
Sometimes I feel like three different people. A bad case of multiple mirrors?
I sometimes wonder what I'd be right now if I had gotten regular normal amounts of sleep the last 25 years. US President? Mistress of the United Americas? Published? Queen of the World? I've started using a C-PAP machine again. Which means countless nights ripping the thing off my face in the middle of the night, semi-waking up multiple times as the damned thing slips off my nose or my face or my head.
Still, a couple of times, I've woken up feeling energetic. By god, that was an unusual feeling. And I can sit up straighter, with better posture. My shoulders actually go back. Perhaps if sleeping better happens more regularly more wonderful things will happen. I will start to remember names better. (I feel so thick and stupid sometimes, people I've met multiple times, that I've talked to multiple times, I can't remember their names.) I will feel like exercising more. I will get more things done during the day. Possibly even happier, although I'm generally a pretty stable-keel kind of person.
Also, I realized after I'd had the C-PAP a couple of nights and was eager and hopeful it would work sooner rather than later, I realized I was actually happy to go to bed. I'm scratching my head here, I'm happy to go to bed? So before this happened I wasn't happy to go to bed? That's why I've been staying up late so much? Small realizations, big impact.
Sometimes I feel like three different people. A bad case of multiple mirrors?
I sometimes wonder what I'd be right now if I had gotten regular normal amounts of sleep the last 25 years. US President? Mistress of the United Americas? Published? Queen of the World? I've started using a C-PAP machine again. Which means countless nights ripping the thing off my face in the middle of the night, semi-waking up multiple times as the damned thing slips off my nose or my face or my head.
Still, a couple of times, I've woken up feeling energetic. By god, that was an unusual feeling. And I can sit up straighter, with better posture. My shoulders actually go back. Perhaps if sleeping better happens more regularly more wonderful things will happen. I will start to remember names better. (I feel so thick and stupid sometimes, people I've met multiple times, that I've talked to multiple times, I can't remember their names.) I will feel like exercising more. I will get more things done during the day. Possibly even happier, although I'm generally a pretty stable-keel kind of person.
Also, I realized after I'd had the C-PAP a couple of nights and was eager and hopeful it would work sooner rather than later, I realized I was actually happy to go to bed. I'm scratching my head here, I'm happy to go to bed? So before this happened I wasn't happy to go to bed? That's why I've been staying up late so much? Small realizations, big impact.