Another blessed union
I went to a wedding today. The second wedding in the past 6 months. I hate weddings. I always think that I might enjoy them, but I never do. I enjoy the getting dressed up part, the open bar, the seeing people I haven’t seen in a while, the open bar. But it’s never anything but a judgment-fest. This one was particularly so, because I was put on display for judgment. I was seated at what once would have been known as the “kids table”, but considering that we were all in our mid-twenties, it was the “singles table”. That was unfortunate enough, but what makes it worse was there were 5 females at the table and 3 males, two of which were brothers of the groom and quite possibly not yet 20-years old. So I saw my life flash before my eyes as a spinster and spent much of the evening thinking of whether I will be a purebred or a pound-puppy type of an old lady. Due to the fact that the ratio of XY and XX chromosomes was not exactly in my favor, I made friends with the girl next to me and reveled in the awkwardness that was going on around us. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I knew 6 people at this 150+ guest wedding. My Mom and Dad, the bride, her parents and sister. Yeah, I was thrilled with the combination of sitting with absolutely no one that I knew and being labeled society’s rejects.
But the best part happened about halfway through the evening. As mentioned above, I found the open bar. This, in turn, made me have to pee. So, I went in search of the facilities. With 4 gin and tonics, 2 glasses of wine, and a glass of champagne under belt, I was a little tipsy. I found the bathroom and walked into find another woman in there. It being a one-room (not a stall situation), I apologized and began to retreat back to the hallway to wait my turn. But the woman inside instead replied with, “No no, come on in. We’re both girls, we can share.”
So not sure what to do in this situation, hesitated, then proceeded to enter the bathroom. I hovered for a minute in the middle trying to decide how play this off. Do I wait while she finished applying her lipstick, then leaves? Do I grab a piece of toilet paper and pretend to be blowing my nose in hopes she finishes up and leaves my in peace? Or do I just drop trough and go in front of this woman? Well, I had to pee, so I locked the door and went about my business while she applied the magenta paint to her lips. She was quite chatty and continued the conversation as if everything was cool. In the small talk that we exchanged I managed to share how I was related to the bride, explaining that my parents had been friends with the bride’s since the early 70s when they were all living like hippies in Sonoma County. She suddenly exclaims, “Oh my god, I’ve heard so much about you, I’m so excited I got the opportunity to meet you. You just moved back to the area didn’t you? That is so great it is so nice to meet you.” This was nice and but kind of odd that I had been spoken about in such detail in a party where I knew about 5% of the population. But the weirdest part was, in a normal situation this would be when people would shake hands. But considering I was on the pot and had just wiped, it wasn’t appropriate. So I finished up and went to wash my hands, while she exited the room. Yeah, awkward.
But the part that I am now thinking about is whether or not she really expected me to just go in front of her. Thinking about it, I was drunk and to me it seemed as though she didn’t care. But in retrospect, the small talk was weird and she bolted as soon as it was appropriate to open the door. She probably thought it was weird, too. Awesome, just another story to enhance my already stellar reputation.
But the best part happened about halfway through the evening. As mentioned above, I found the open bar. This, in turn, made me have to pee. So, I went in search of the facilities. With 4 gin and tonics, 2 glasses of wine, and a glass of champagne under belt, I was a little tipsy. I found the bathroom and walked into find another woman in there. It being a one-room (not a stall situation), I apologized and began to retreat back to the hallway to wait my turn. But the woman inside instead replied with, “No no, come on in. We’re both girls, we can share.”
So not sure what to do in this situation, hesitated, then proceeded to enter the bathroom. I hovered for a minute in the middle trying to decide how play this off. Do I wait while she finished applying her lipstick, then leaves? Do I grab a piece of toilet paper and pretend to be blowing my nose in hopes she finishes up and leaves my in peace? Or do I just drop trough and go in front of this woman? Well, I had to pee, so I locked the door and went about my business while she applied the magenta paint to her lips. She was quite chatty and continued the conversation as if everything was cool. In the small talk that we exchanged I managed to share how I was related to the bride, explaining that my parents had been friends with the bride’s since the early 70s when they were all living like hippies in Sonoma County. She suddenly exclaims, “Oh my god, I’ve heard so much about you, I’m so excited I got the opportunity to meet you. You just moved back to the area didn’t you? That is so great it is so nice to meet you.” This was nice and but kind of odd that I had been spoken about in such detail in a party where I knew about 5% of the population. But the weirdest part was, in a normal situation this would be when people would shake hands. But considering I was on the pot and had just wiped, it wasn’t appropriate. So I finished up and went to wash my hands, while she exited the room. Yeah, awkward.
But the part that I am now thinking about is whether or not she really expected me to just go in front of her. Thinking about it, I was drunk and to me it seemed as though she didn’t care. But in retrospect, the small talk was weird and she bolted as soon as it was appropriate to open the door. She probably thought it was weird, too. Awesome, just another story to enhance my already stellar reputation.