(no subject)
I have been out-of-sorts off and on for the past few weeks. Bleeeeeeh. But I think it's clearing up? And that's nice.
I'm one of those people it's easy to forget about. Ask about friends I made in high school and I can tell you I've fallen out of touch with almost all of them. This is probably my fault, because I'm often painfully awkward and unable to make conversation without second-guessing myself. So I fade into the background more often than not. As of late I'm becoming pretty okay with this--I'm remembering what it's like to be alone but not lonely. But at the same time, I look at Facebook and realize that I'm losing touch with people that I really do care about, and I'm at a loss as to how I can get my friendship back with them. Taking the first step is hard.
Had a long talk with my brother earlier about things. I really love my brother; we fought a lot when we were younger, but he's always looked out for me, be it from mom or other people or from myself when I'm being particularly stupid. He says he thinks it'd be good for me to be less forgiving, and that I shouldn't have to always make the effort to be remembered--but that doesn't mean I don't have to try, and what he's seen of my interpersonal relations is that more often than not I wasn't trying. My brother isn't like me--we both talk a lot, but he isn't shy about much of anything. I spend so much time wondering what people will think of what's on my mind that most of what I'm thinking never makes it out of my mouth. (It doesn't help that what I'm thinking and how it comes out don't work together well, so people have a nasty tendency to think I'm being a bitch when I really don't mean to be. Ahaha, this happened earlier on DoA. Fortunately, I've accepted that there's not much I can do beyond what I've already done, and as such I shouldn't have to worry about it anymore.)
I have friends. Not a huge amount of them, but I have them. Very good friends. People I'm vastly lucky to know, and people I'd like to get to know better. I just have to reach out and try, you know? But that doesn't mean I should go chasing after them, either. I'm worth better than that.
Doll stuff is moving along okay! There is (v. unexpected) interest; we shall see how things go from here. Trying not to dwell too much on my faux pas from earlier. Not gonna go into it.
I'm looking into getting a new camera, as I've come to the conclusion that the point-and-shoot method just isn't doing it for me. Right now it's looking like I'll be getting a Canon XSi--don't suppose anyone on my flist has experience with one? Also looking into getting an EF 50mm f/1.8 II lens; I've seen what it can do for doll photos, and since that's likely what I'll be primarily using it for, it seems perfect. I'm excited!
This post has gotten awfully long, hasn't it? I'm finally over the massive sugar rush I had earlier (my fault for having a doughnut so late,) but man. I thought I was never going to stop jittering.
...it feels weird to make a post that has nothing to do with fandom, lol.
I'm one of those people it's easy to forget about. Ask about friends I made in high school and I can tell you I've fallen out of touch with almost all of them. This is probably my fault, because I'm often painfully awkward and unable to make conversation without second-guessing myself. So I fade into the background more often than not. As of late I'm becoming pretty okay with this--I'm remembering what it's like to be alone but not lonely. But at the same time, I look at Facebook and realize that I'm losing touch with people that I really do care about, and I'm at a loss as to how I can get my friendship back with them. Taking the first step is hard.
Had a long talk with my brother earlier about things. I really love my brother; we fought a lot when we were younger, but he's always looked out for me, be it from mom or other people or from myself when I'm being particularly stupid. He says he thinks it'd be good for me to be less forgiving, and that I shouldn't have to always make the effort to be remembered--but that doesn't mean I don't have to try, and what he's seen of my interpersonal relations is that more often than not I wasn't trying. My brother isn't like me--we both talk a lot, but he isn't shy about much of anything. I spend so much time wondering what people will think of what's on my mind that most of what I'm thinking never makes it out of my mouth. (It doesn't help that what I'm thinking and how it comes out don't work together well, so people have a nasty tendency to think I'm being a bitch when I really don't mean to be. Ahaha, this happened earlier on DoA. Fortunately, I've accepted that there's not much I can do beyond what I've already done, and as such I shouldn't have to worry about it anymore.)
I have friends. Not a huge amount of them, but I have them. Very good friends. People I'm vastly lucky to know, and people I'd like to get to know better. I just have to reach out and try, you know? But that doesn't mean I should go chasing after them, either. I'm worth better than that.
Doll stuff is moving along okay! There is (v. unexpected) interest; we shall see how things go from here. Trying not to dwell too much on my faux pas from earlier. Not gonna go into it.
I'm looking into getting a new camera, as I've come to the conclusion that the point-and-shoot method just isn't doing it for me. Right now it's looking like I'll be getting a Canon XSi--don't suppose anyone on my flist has experience with one? Also looking into getting an EF 50mm f/1.8 II lens; I've seen what it can do for doll photos, and since that's likely what I'll be primarily using it for, it seems perfect. I'm excited!
This post has gotten awfully long, hasn't it? I'm finally over the massive sugar rush I had earlier (my fault for having a doughnut so late,) but man. I thought I was never going to stop jittering.
...it feels weird to make a post that has nothing to do with fandom, lol.