Demon Slayer
Everyone has insecurities, they all see flaws that aren't really there, and even those who think they are, aren't truly perfect. It is a game that we usually feel forced to play. The person you are with innocently admires an attractive celebrity or some random profile one stumbles across during a Facebook search for friends and relatives. You know it is not an issue, it means nothing but the little monsters that have made themselves at home in your head and heart whisper insidiously to you.
They say "Just wait and see, it will happen. You will lose the one you hold dear to another more physically appealing to you. Nothing you can do about it, your not enough, you never were, never will be."
"Silence!!" you command these horrid little beasties, but to know avail. For even though you know in your heart and soul that he is yours forever. That you are one, one breath, one being, one love, you also know loss. You know the pain of being made to feel that you're not good enough, you know the heartache. Your soul has bled for many people, so called "friends," maybe even a "lover" or two, all of whom promised you meant something to them (as long as you fed them whatever their appetites desired).
You were "important" to them until you had nothing left for them to take. They had sucked you dry. A withered husk of a beautiful soul. Nothing left of you but your tear stained face, heart and soul scarred and bleeding. Curled up on an abandoned shore, in the middle of a storm tossed sea of your own tears. They sailed away on your tears. Nothing left of you, just you and your pain. You vow "Never again!...."
never again....
Yet time and again, you dare to trust, to believe, to hope that you do deserve to be happy, you do deserve to be loved. You let someone else in, hoping this time, this time you won't have to cry yourself to sleep murmuring over and over again "Please God, I just want someone to love me...."
please....
You find someone, and for the first time in forever... the sun finally rises chasing away the night, and the shadows, and spirits haunting you, holding you in icy embraces, feeding off of you and your soul. You know it is right and all the pain you went through prepared you for now. So you wouldn't take this person for granted, so you would appreciate this person always....
always....
But those creatures inside of you, they never leave. They are never silent for very long, delighting in your pain, feasting on your heart, drunk on your tears, bleeding your soul. Hoping that one day they will tear you down so completely that you will ruin the one good thing you have and can never hope to get again. They know then that they will feast forever, if only they can ruin you.
So you fight it, you hold back, try to hide fears and tears, from the one person who loves you most, the one person you can reveal it all to. The only one who can actually help you help yourself. So afraid of pushing that person away because of these insecurities, you hide. Always afraid to approach him and tell him what's wrong, knowing he will hold you and comfort you. Knowing he would fight your demons for you if he could.
But how do you approach him, how do you tell him. Everyone else left or ran away when you felt you had something to say. It must have been your fault, wasn't it?
He comes to you, holds you just because. You have your own special words for each other, a language of love all your own. Never before have you known this. That is how you know it's real.
So when those wretched little beasties slither out from the dark depths that are a part of us all, let him hold you. His embrace will be your strength, his voice your spell of light to chase away the dark.
They never really leave you for good, there will be days, even weeks that you are in constant battle for no reason at all, just hold on and never give in and no this, you have nothing to worry about...
nothing at all.
They say "Just wait and see, it will happen. You will lose the one you hold dear to another more physically appealing to you. Nothing you can do about it, your not enough, you never were, never will be."
"Silence!!" you command these horrid little beasties, but to know avail. For even though you know in your heart and soul that he is yours forever. That you are one, one breath, one being, one love, you also know loss. You know the pain of being made to feel that you're not good enough, you know the heartache. Your soul has bled for many people, so called "friends," maybe even a "lover" or two, all of whom promised you meant something to them (as long as you fed them whatever their appetites desired).
You were "important" to them until you had nothing left for them to take. They had sucked you dry. A withered husk of a beautiful soul. Nothing left of you but your tear stained face, heart and soul scarred and bleeding. Curled up on an abandoned shore, in the middle of a storm tossed sea of your own tears. They sailed away on your tears. Nothing left of you, just you and your pain. You vow "Never again!...."
never again....
Yet time and again, you dare to trust, to believe, to hope that you do deserve to be happy, you do deserve to be loved. You let someone else in, hoping this time, this time you won't have to cry yourself to sleep murmuring over and over again "Please God, I just want someone to love me...."
please....
You find someone, and for the first time in forever... the sun finally rises chasing away the night, and the shadows, and spirits haunting you, holding you in icy embraces, feeding off of you and your soul. You know it is right and all the pain you went through prepared you for now. So you wouldn't take this person for granted, so you would appreciate this person always....
always....
But those creatures inside of you, they never leave. They are never silent for very long, delighting in your pain, feasting on your heart, drunk on your tears, bleeding your soul. Hoping that one day they will tear you down so completely that you will ruin the one good thing you have and can never hope to get again. They know then that they will feast forever, if only they can ruin you.
So you fight it, you hold back, try to hide fears and tears, from the one person who loves you most, the one person you can reveal it all to. The only one who can actually help you help yourself. So afraid of pushing that person away because of these insecurities, you hide. Always afraid to approach him and tell him what's wrong, knowing he will hold you and comfort you. Knowing he would fight your demons for you if he could.
But how do you approach him, how do you tell him. Everyone else left or ran away when you felt you had something to say. It must have been your fault, wasn't it?
He comes to you, holds you just because. You have your own special words for each other, a language of love all your own. Never before have you known this. That is how you know it's real.
So when those wretched little beasties slither out from the dark depths that are a part of us all, let him hold you. His embrace will be your strength, his voice your spell of light to chase away the dark.
They never really leave you for good, there will be days, even weeks that you are in constant battle for no reason at all, just hold on and never give in and no this, you have nothing to worry about...
nothing at all.