mom and dad

[magickedelf]

i miss them so much right now. i left home not two days ago and i miss them so much. talking to them on the phone reminds me why i left. but i find myself starting to forget. forgettting the feeling of my moms cooking or the things my dad would tell me about the world around me. i am starting to forget what their voices sound like. maybe all of this is just being home sick. maybe this is all just being something else. i am so sad feeling like this. one problem solved and then another to indure. isnt this life.

as for the ordeal itself. it was so ......... they had me really drugged. i dont remember a lot of it. i remember having them pushing on me cause i couldnt myself. i remember the feeling of things being taken out. there was blood i know. i dont remember how i got from one room to the next. i dont remember getting up. i remember the nurse and telling me things are ok and that they were going to give me something so i will be warm again. i was freezing. and i know i panicked half way during the operation. they gave me more after that. there is still pain now. and there is still blood. and after all this.......... i went to sleep one day and the next day my baby was gone. i feel around my middle where my daughter was for almost 6 months and now nothing. i dont even know how to explain this feeling. i just dont know. i dont even know where to start.

good bye my baby girl

and i hope that i will be able to patch things up between me and parents in the weeks to come.