There is so much to respond to in this, and much of my reaction is too personal for a LJ post. Speaking generally though you do not have to be alone to be a strong individual. People are social animals like wolves, or sheep. We know that we are stronger as a group, and so we seek relationships. Part of what makes our families, communities, and nations so strong is that different individuals bring different things to the table. In some ways you and I are very much alike, but it is the ways in which we are different that make us a strong team. The best way to have strong relationships wether they be friends, lovers teams, or working is to value each other's strengths and to help one another where we have weakness. I generally think all out qualities might be a strength or a weakness depending upon the circumstances, and what we do with them. Our greatest strengths are often our greatest weakness.
Many people see spousal relationships, and friendships differently from how you presented them here. You see them as you see them, but you should know they don't have to be that way. A spouse need not control you, and a friend, even a best friend need not see you all the time. Your friends and lovers love you because of who you are, not in spite of it. It does none of us any good to resent any of the things that make you unique. I'd like to think I fall into both categories.
You DO need to be complete within yourself, but that need not negate relationships outside of yourself. On the contrary, the more confident you are, the stronger you are in yourself the better able you will be to deal with building strong relationships. I think insecurity is probably the greatest cause of drama in relationships. Think back on the worst fights you've ever had and ask yourself how many times insecurity was playing a role probably on both sides. I know the times I have wanted to hurt someone it was not because I was angry or wanted revenge it was because I felt vulnerable and sought to protect myself. Like an animal who feels cornered.
The best relationships don't seek to take anything, they are all about sharing, a sharing of strength, and a sharing of burdens. That's what having each others back is all about. Ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves, but we are better than ourselves when we watch out for one another. Some people do that through church or community involvement. Most people watch out for their friends, which isn't usually a great burden. It might be as simple as cutting a friend's hair, or mending a stranger's flat tire, but these relationships, not matter how big or small make us more than an individual, they make us part of something bigger. A family, a community, humanity, hell in the end each of us are a part of the universe nothing we do happens in a vacuum, for every action there is a reaction. Nobody is alone. Alone is to be entirely out of context, which would negate our very existence. The strength of the individual starts from the inside and goes out, but it is also replenished from the outside in.
You DO need to be complete within yourself, but that need not negate relationships outside of yourself. On the contrary, the more confident you are, the stronger you are in yourself the better able you will be to deal with building strong relationships.
Yes.
It takes more stength to open up, and hence get greater benefits from connection with other people, than it does to stay fully self-sufficient, open up less, and get fewer benefits from those connections.
Many people see spousal relationships, and friendships differently from how you presented them here. You see them as you see them, but you should know they don't have to be that way. A spouse need not control you, and a friend, even a best friend need not see you all the time. Your friends and lovers love you because of who you are, not in spite of it. It does none of us any good to resent any of the things that make you unique. I'd like to think I fall into both categories.
You DO need to be complete within yourself, but that need not negate relationships outside of yourself. On the contrary, the more confident you are, the stronger you are in yourself the better able you will be to deal with building strong relationships. I think insecurity is probably the greatest cause of drama in relationships. Think back on the worst fights you've ever had and ask yourself how many times insecurity was playing a role probably on both sides. I know the times I have wanted to hurt someone it was not because I was angry or wanted revenge it was because I felt vulnerable and sought to protect myself. Like an animal who feels cornered.
The best relationships don't seek to take anything, they are all about sharing, a sharing of strength, and a sharing of burdens. That's what having each others back is all about. Ultimately we are all responsible for ourselves, but we are better than ourselves when we watch out for one another. Some people do that through church or community involvement. Most people watch out for their friends, which isn't usually a great burden. It might be as simple as cutting a friend's hair, or mending a stranger's flat tire, but these relationships, not matter how big or small make us more than an individual, they make us part of something bigger. A family, a community, humanity, hell in the end each of us are a part of the universe nothing we do happens in a vacuum, for every action there is a reaction. Nobody is alone. Alone is to be entirely out of context, which would negate our very existence. The strength of the individual starts from the inside and goes out, but it is also replenished from the outside in.
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Yes.
It takes more stength to open up, and hence get greater benefits from connection with other people, than it does to stay fully self-sufficient, open up less, and get fewer benefits from those connections.
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