Just wondering about the future
I have been putting in applications and resume for the last few academic terms and so far no significant "bites." I know that I am an intelligent and driven individual but I wonder if "my chance" is ever going to come. Especially in the time frame, that we as a family, need. I need to be working VERY soon, I need income. My student loans go into repayment in January and I have no way to pay them and the bills we currently have, as well as afford to move or pay for any additional surgeries for myself. Realistically, I am concerned about finances and good insurance. Jim's insurance is OK but there have been times where we have been financially strapped so that we can pay for eye care, dental, or procedures that are considered "experimental" by the government therefore Tri-care will not pay for it. Why should we be forced to make a choice between my husband's job (he can lose his security clearance if we get too far into debt) and our own health?!
I know that I am a different person physically but it is difficult for me to switch gears emotionally so darn fast. I had finally reached a point of acceptance that I would NEVER be in the military (like I had original planned pre-marriage and kids) nor would I be able to gain employment in the law enforcement field without taking the administrative route. (No one would ever hire a fat chick!) So I switched those gears years ago, preparing for a life in administration. Now my dreams of being in the military or a para-military agency have all of a sudden opened back up. I can physically do the job and Lord knows, I have the passion for it. So why am I so damn scared of making that leap? I had a WLS friend suggest I go to the recruiter and do a couple of years in the Air Force as a Special Investigator (Criminal Investigations) as an officer. At first I was like, no freaking way... I can't even do a few push-ups! Then hubby and I spent several hours talking about it and he seems to think that it isn't such a bad idea. I could use the military's CLRP (College Loan Repayment Program) in order to pay off my loans in as little as 3 years. I would be earning just as much pay as my husband is now, and surpass his income by the end of my 3 year commission agreement. We would get to participate in the Army's spousal re-stationing program, where they do their best to keep dual military families together regardless of separate branch assignments. (Good thing the AF and Army are so closely linked to each other, it wouldn't be too difficult.) And I could gain the important relevant job experience that I need for my resume. The one thing every agency has said to me when I have submitted my resume to them is that I lack relevant job experience and that I should go volunteer at a law enforcement agency. Well shit, no one around here accepts volunteers, and when they do... the other cops call them "holster sniffers" and you get tagged as a "wanna be" for the rest of your career! I certainly don't need THAT!
Anyways, it’s official… I am scared… I am scared that I am never going to find a job, I am scared that I am going to make the wrong decision for my family, I am scared of leaving for weeks or months for training and not being able to see my child, I am scared that I am not going to be a good student (paramilitary schools are wayyyy different than academic ones), I am scared that my body can’t take the abuse of training…. I just don’t know what to do! So this Friday morning hubby and I are going to the recruiting station to just talk to the AF recruiter. Who knows I may not qualify b/c of my WLS. I have heard that the AF is the only one who will take WLS patients and only if they are cleared by their surgeon and are at least a year out. (Which I will be in January.) I also used to be asthmatic, so that might disqualify me too… of course I just took a bunch of tests that proved that I have normal pulmonary functions so I should be good there… but who knows! Is it possible to be scared shitless and excited about the future too?
DisorderRatingParanoid Personality Disorder:LowSchizoid Personality Disorder:LowSchizotypal Personality Disorder:ModerateAntisocial Personality Disorder:LowBorderline Personality Disorder:LowHistrionic Personality Disorder:HighNarcissistic Personality Disorder:ModerateAvoidant Personality Disorder:LowDependent Personality Disorder:LowObsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Low
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I know that I am a different person physically but it is difficult for me to switch gears emotionally so darn fast. I had finally reached a point of acceptance that I would NEVER be in the military (like I had original planned pre-marriage and kids) nor would I be able to gain employment in the law enforcement field without taking the administrative route. (No one would ever hire a fat chick!) So I switched those gears years ago, preparing for a life in administration. Now my dreams of being in the military or a para-military agency have all of a sudden opened back up. I can physically do the job and Lord knows, I have the passion for it. So why am I so damn scared of making that leap? I had a WLS friend suggest I go to the recruiter and do a couple of years in the Air Force as a Special Investigator (Criminal Investigations) as an officer. At first I was like, no freaking way... I can't even do a few push-ups! Then hubby and I spent several hours talking about it and he seems to think that it isn't such a bad idea. I could use the military's CLRP (College Loan Repayment Program) in order to pay off my loans in as little as 3 years. I would be earning just as much pay as my husband is now, and surpass his income by the end of my 3 year commission agreement. We would get to participate in the Army's spousal re-stationing program, where they do their best to keep dual military families together regardless of separate branch assignments. (Good thing the AF and Army are so closely linked to each other, it wouldn't be too difficult.) And I could gain the important relevant job experience that I need for my resume. The one thing every agency has said to me when I have submitted my resume to them is that I lack relevant job experience and that I should go volunteer at a law enforcement agency. Well shit, no one around here accepts volunteers, and when they do... the other cops call them "holster sniffers" and you get tagged as a "wanna be" for the rest of your career! I certainly don't need THAT!
Anyways, it’s official… I am scared… I am scared that I am never going to find a job, I am scared that I am going to make the wrong decision for my family, I am scared of leaving for weeks or months for training and not being able to see my child, I am scared that I am not going to be a good student (paramilitary schools are wayyyy different than academic ones), I am scared that my body can’t take the abuse of training…. I just don’t know what to do! So this Friday morning hubby and I are going to the recruiting station to just talk to the AF recruiter. Who knows I may not qualify b/c of my WLS. I have heard that the AF is the only one who will take WLS patients and only if they are cleared by their surgeon and are at least a year out. (Which I will be in January.) I also used to be asthmatic, so that might disqualify me too… of course I just took a bunch of tests that proved that I have normal pulmonary functions so I should be good there… but who knows! Is it possible to be scared shitless and excited about the future too?
DisorderRatingParanoid Personality Disorder:LowSchizoid Personality Disorder:LowSchizotypal Personality Disorder:ModerateAntisocial Personality Disorder:LowBorderline Personality Disorder:LowHistrionic Personality Disorder:HighNarcissistic Personality Disorder:ModerateAvoidant Personality Disorder:LowDependent Personality Disorder:LowObsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Low
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Info --
I want to see more of the country...
create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.