[Married to the Military]: Marriage and deployment
When to UU services today and poly_good_girl spoke upon marriage. Some of the quotes and passages really hit home for me. Afterwards she mentioned that she was tempted to include my marriage in on the sermon but was afraid I might still be too raw... I was honored. Thinking about it then and now I probably could have spoke with great pride and calm since our marriage is a bit different from most marriages of "our time." Unlike our friends who met in clubs, online, or at work... we've known each other for practically our entire lives. Yeah kind of unheard of in this day in age but I truly believe it is the reason why we've done so well as a military couple. We are honestly best friends and each other's confidant... there are no secrets... we can read each other so well it is just pure instinct at this point. Couple that with being a multi-faith household and an uncommon level of honesty and friendship, with the willingness to share what we have with another person, makes quite an interesting mix.
Anyways, that instinct in each other is just another thing I really miss about him right now... his ability to just know that something is up and ask me how I am doing. It is so much harder to do on the phone or online let me tell you. Compound that with all these years of military training telling the spouse to NEVER "worry the soldier while deployed" crosses that very line of honestly that we have built our relationship upon. It's ironic that today's episode of "Army Wives" actually touched on this very matter. Do you tell them that things are not all peachy keen on the home front or do you keep it inside and risk them feeling betrayed when they get home and eventually find out?
For me it's all about the honesty. I don't sugar coat things but I try my damnedest to not get all melodramatic. Go ahead and ask him.... he can probably count on one hand how many times that facade crumbled away and I just simply "lost it." So yeah, we make that choice to let each other know what is going on unfortunately it is also a delicate balance of sensing the needs of the other, asking, and being patient until they are ready to share. (Again VERY difficult from thousands of miles away.) Patience in sharing, I admit, is one thing that I have found myself having a more difficult time with over the last few years. I want to share everything fairly soon. He on the other hand has had a rough go of it “career wise” in the last few years (which was a very sore spot for me) so I think he started bottling "that topic" up a lot (of what he would have previously shared with me) because he knew that I would get impassioned to the "n-th" degree. *blushes* Yes I admit it.... I am a bit of his white night in shining armor and I am more than willing to sacrifice myself for him. It's what best friends so after all.
Where was I going with all of this? I don't know... perhaps it is just the ramblings of another separated by deployment spouse.
Anyways, that instinct in each other is just another thing I really miss about him right now... his ability to just know that something is up and ask me how I am doing. It is so much harder to do on the phone or online let me tell you. Compound that with all these years of military training telling the spouse to NEVER "worry the soldier while deployed" crosses that very line of honestly that we have built our relationship upon. It's ironic that today's episode of "Army Wives" actually touched on this very matter. Do you tell them that things are not all peachy keen on the home front or do you keep it inside and risk them feeling betrayed when they get home and eventually find out?
For me it's all about the honesty. I don't sugar coat things but I try my damnedest to not get all melodramatic. Go ahead and ask him.... he can probably count on one hand how many times that facade crumbled away and I just simply "lost it." So yeah, we make that choice to let each other know what is going on unfortunately it is also a delicate balance of sensing the needs of the other, asking, and being patient until they are ready to share. (Again VERY difficult from thousands of miles away.) Patience in sharing, I admit, is one thing that I have found myself having a more difficult time with over the last few years. I want to share everything fairly soon. He on the other hand has had a rough go of it “career wise” in the last few years (which was a very sore spot for me) so I think he started bottling "that topic" up a lot (of what he would have previously shared with me) because he knew that I would get impassioned to the "n-th" degree. *blushes* Yes I admit it.... I am a bit of his white night in shining armor and I am more than willing to sacrifice myself for him. It's what best friends so after all.
Where was I going with all of this? I don't know... perhaps it is just the ramblings of another separated by deployment spouse.