(no subject)
So I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. And amazingly, it's done more good than bad, even though it's done a ton of bad. And I've realized a few things.
I thrive when I'm in a position of power. No, not because I'm a power-hungry bitch who loves to control people, but I like helping people. I like teaching people. I've basically become a manager at work, besides the paperwork, of course. But Terra (my manager) scheduled me to close 3 nights in a row because she knew I'd be able to train the new kids on how to close. I run shifts for the assistants when they have something else to do, or I take over for a certain one because she doesn't understand the concept of "hot and READY." Terra said I'll be ready to be a manager the day I turn 18, which is cool.
It took a lot to come to this realization, though. I couldn't figure out why I dreaded working with Terra or anyone else that could run a shift well, and I couldn't figure out why I dreaded school. But I forced myself to think about it, and it came to me.
It's odd, because as I'm giving people advice on whatever they're going through, I learn from what I say. It's like I don't realize it, I don't know it, and something else is telling both the other person and me, yet it's coming from me. One of my friends was telling me how she was feeling beyond guilty for something that happened. After she explained the situation, I said, "Hindsight is 20/20.... Did you feel like you did everything that you could in that exact moment, knowing what you knew?" She replied with a quiet, "yes." And I said, "Then it's not fair to yourself to feel guilty. You can't blame yourself for not knowing something. That's just not fair, plain and simple."
And it blew me away. I never even realized it. It actually helped me come to peace with a lot of things.
I also realized that I still care way too much about the people in my life that have hurt me. I still think about them and hope they're doing well, and want to cry when I know they're not. Especially when I put so much time into trying to help them through what they were going through.
It's a struggle everyday to not look at everyone. To not feel compelled to try to help every person, to try and help them understand and learn and grow. But I can't, it's physically impossible. There's no way I could be there for everyone, so I change to a completely different person that doesn't care about them at all, and it sucks. I don't like that.
I realize that you can only help someone if they want to help themselves, I'm just saying - it'd be nice if I could at least be there for everyone.
Grandpa's gonna die soon. I'm totally not ready.
I thrive when I'm in a position of power. No, not because I'm a power-hungry bitch who loves to control people, but I like helping people. I like teaching people. I've basically become a manager at work, besides the paperwork, of course. But Terra (my manager) scheduled me to close 3 nights in a row because she knew I'd be able to train the new kids on how to close. I run shifts for the assistants when they have something else to do, or I take over for a certain one because she doesn't understand the concept of "hot and READY." Terra said I'll be ready to be a manager the day I turn 18, which is cool.
It took a lot to come to this realization, though. I couldn't figure out why I dreaded working with Terra or anyone else that could run a shift well, and I couldn't figure out why I dreaded school. But I forced myself to think about it, and it came to me.
It's odd, because as I'm giving people advice on whatever they're going through, I learn from what I say. It's like I don't realize it, I don't know it, and something else is telling both the other person and me, yet it's coming from me. One of my friends was telling me how she was feeling beyond guilty for something that happened. After she explained the situation, I said, "Hindsight is 20/20.... Did you feel like you did everything that you could in that exact moment, knowing what you knew?" She replied with a quiet, "yes." And I said, "Then it's not fair to yourself to feel guilty. You can't blame yourself for not knowing something. That's just not fair, plain and simple."
And it blew me away. I never even realized it. It actually helped me come to peace with a lot of things.
I also realized that I still care way too much about the people in my life that have hurt me. I still think about them and hope they're doing well, and want to cry when I know they're not. Especially when I put so much time into trying to help them through what they were going through.
It's a struggle everyday to not look at everyone. To not feel compelled to try to help every person, to try and help them understand and learn and grow. But I can't, it's physically impossible. There's no way I could be there for everyone, so I change to a completely different person that doesn't care about them at all, and it sucks. I don't like that.
I realize that you can only help someone if they want to help themselves, I'm just saying - it'd be nice if I could at least be there for everyone.
Grandpa's gonna die soon. I'm totally not ready.