(no subject)
I want to start over. Really, I do. I want to move far the fuck away and start over. There are so many people here that have made so many judgements about me and have made up their mind about me... I want a new start. I want to bring just a couple people with me and ask them for help with my flaws and make new friends and a new life. A complete re-do. Because here apparently you're not allowed to have a second chance.
I know I fucked up. I know I fucked up royally. But I wasn't the only one, okay? In every situation that's going on right now. I wasn't the only one at fault.
I want to... I want to... so so bad... I think I might.
It never goes away. It never fucking goes away. It doesn't necessarily get harder, but it just doesn't ever stop. I'm scared... terrified.
I so easily say "fuck you, then." But it hurts every day. It hurts so fucking bad and it feels like it's all my fault. I have to sit there and repeat over and fucking over that it's not. But it doesn't make the feeling go away.
I want to scream.
I know I fucked up. I know I fucked up royally. But I wasn't the only one, okay? In every situation that's going on right now. I wasn't the only one at fault.
I want to... I want to... so so bad... I think I might.
It never goes away. It never fucking goes away. It doesn't necessarily get harder, but it just doesn't ever stop. I'm scared... terrified.
I so easily say "fuck you, then." But it hurts every day. It hurts so fucking bad and it feels like it's all my fault. I have to sit there and repeat over and fucking over that it's not. But it doesn't make the feeling go away.
I want to scream.