(no subject)
"Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you think about your son?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down how do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we're all right?
Well We're alright
It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that I cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not okay, but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive."
I'm not a fan of Good Charlotte, but this song seemd to fit.
So, the meeting with Gord went exactly how I saw it happening. I didn't meet with my dad, only Gord. My dad met with him earlier.
Basically, my dad blamed everything on me, calling me a bad kid, saying that I was rude and disrespectful... I even... slammed the door in his face. How dare I. I mean, it's not like I was bawling my eyes out, telling him I didn't feel like he didn't love me, then got so pissed at his nonchalance about the whole thing that I slammed the door in his face. No, not at all. It was totally random, and just because I'm rude.
He also tried to play the "None of this was my idea" card. Saying shit like it wasn't his idea to get a divorce and it wasn't his fault that I closed the door of contact. He did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm just a horrible kid.
Yeah, well, if I am (which I'm not), then it's his fucking fault for not raising me right.
Every ounce of hurt that he's caused me has turned into pure anger. I can't even think of him without feeling the need to punch something or start screaming. It's ridiculous.
I'm tired of this bullshit. If he doesn't care about me enough to want me in his life, then fuck him. It's his loss. Not mine. Like I said in my last entry, he caused me nothing but hurt. So whatever. I'm done worrying about when or if he's going to come around. I'm tired of being scared of seeing him somewhere. I'm tired of not being able to go certain places or eat certain things because they remind me of him. I'm done with it. This is my life, goddamnit. And I'm tired of letting him control it when he's not even involoved.
I will promise you all one thing. And I will do everything in my power to keep this promise.
I will never, ever allow my child to go through this much hurt. They will never feel that agonizing feeling of knowing their father couldn't care less about them. They will never sit up crying at night, hoping for the miracle of a call from their dad. They will never feel this. They will never understand.
Do you think about your son?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down how do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we're all right?
Well We're alright
It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that I cried?
You broke my mother's heart, you broke your children for life
It's not okay, but we're alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now I'm writing just to let you know that I'm still alive."
I'm not a fan of Good Charlotte, but this song seemd to fit.
So, the meeting with Gord went exactly how I saw it happening. I didn't meet with my dad, only Gord. My dad met with him earlier.
Basically, my dad blamed everything on me, calling me a bad kid, saying that I was rude and disrespectful... I even... slammed the door in his face. How dare I. I mean, it's not like I was bawling my eyes out, telling him I didn't feel like he didn't love me, then got so pissed at his nonchalance about the whole thing that I slammed the door in his face. No, not at all. It was totally random, and just because I'm rude.
He also tried to play the "None of this was my idea" card. Saying shit like it wasn't his idea to get a divorce and it wasn't his fault that I closed the door of contact. He did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm just a horrible kid.
Yeah, well, if I am (which I'm not), then it's his fucking fault for not raising me right.
Every ounce of hurt that he's caused me has turned into pure anger. I can't even think of him without feeling the need to punch something or start screaming. It's ridiculous.
I'm tired of this bullshit. If he doesn't care about me enough to want me in his life, then fuck him. It's his loss. Not mine. Like I said in my last entry, he caused me nothing but hurt. So whatever. I'm done worrying about when or if he's going to come around. I'm tired of being scared of seeing him somewhere. I'm tired of not being able to go certain places or eat certain things because they remind me of him. I'm done with it. This is my life, goddamnit. And I'm tired of letting him control it when he's not even involoved.
I will promise you all one thing. And I will do everything in my power to keep this promise.
I will never, ever allow my child to go through this much hurt. They will never feel that agonizing feeling of knowing their father couldn't care less about them. They will never sit up crying at night, hoping for the miracle of a call from their dad. They will never feel this. They will never understand.