Description Scene
Regrettably, I am still behind and frustrated with my writing class. My first description scenes (passage of time assignment posted here 2/9) were clobbered by the teacher as containing too much detail.
This assignment was to describe someone getting ready for a date. At one point they must be looking for something offstage/offscreen.The follow up is what we see after the date. At the end you, the audience, are supposed to know who the person is, what kind of date it was, and how they felt about it. Here is what I came up with and I welcome your ideas/feedback. Thanks!
Evening. Present Day.
A tall, lithe twenty something woman in a supermarket smock, Dockers, a white shirt and ordinary shoes walks in the door of an ordinary middle class apartment dropping her purse, keys, and backpack on the couch. She tears a scrunci out of her hair that is held back in a ponytail from her makeup-fee face as she walks across the living room into a bedroom. She plops onto a double bed with a very ordinary beige print comforter on it. She removes heavy black work shoes from her feet massaging the ache out of them at the same time as she strips off white gym socks. She tosses the socks toward a hamper. She walks into the bathroom and we hear the shower start. The Dockers, blouse and smock come flying out at the hamper. We hear humming as the shower continues for a bit, then stops. After a beat, the woman walks out of the bathroom, her body wrapped in a large white towel and her hair turbaned in another. She walks to the dresser and pulls out fishnet stockings, a black garter belt, a black Miracle Bra with satin and lace trim, and a pair of lacy black underwear. She pads back into the bathroom and we hear more humming. Hair still in a turban, she re-emerges wearing the lingerie and her hair still in the turban. Makeup has been artfully applied to her face with heavy eyeliner, mascara and eyelashes, a high streak of rouge and polished apple red lips. She walks to the closet where a variety of normal items hang and pulls from the left back a leather suit. Crosses to a jewelry box on the dresser where she extracts a leather spiked collar and dangling handcuff earrings. She returns to the bathroom with her booty and we hear the hairdryer over the sound of humming. Emerging dressed and her hair now arranged in a high ponytail circled by a braid, she drops to her knees to search under the bed for something and extracts a small leather carryall. She opens it and adds the box of Kleenex from the bedside table, a comb and a brush. She checks a metal spiked dog brush and what appears to be a ping pong paddle already inside the bag. She exits in stocking feet toward the kitchen and we hear the sound of several kitchen "junk drawers" being ransacked. She reemerges with an egg beater and a couple of chip clips in various sizes. Adding a few condoms and a bottle of lotion from her dresser to the bag she zips it up and plops next to it on the bed, reaching under again between her legs and extracting tall black boots which she puts on. Standing up, she double checks her image in the full length mirror on the back of her door. Adding a hard look and straightening her posture, she picks up the bag and heads toward the front door. She stops to move her ID from her purse to her bag and picks up the keys, then heads out the door.
Later that evening, towards early morning.
The woman returns to her apartment and opens the door. She drops her keys with the purse, and backpack on the couch. She removes her ID and a fold of bills from the front of her leather carryall. She walks across the living room into the bedroom. She plops onto the double bed. She removes her long boots from her feet massaging the ache out of them at the same time, and she slides them well under the bed, followed by the leather carryall. She strips off the leather suit and hangs it carefully on the hanger, then walks it to the closet and slides it into the back left corner. She removes a collar and places it in the jewelry box on the dresser top. She reaches into the dresser and pulls out a well-worn snuggly flannel nightgown in a faded pastel print. She walks into the bathroom and we hear the shower start. The lingerie is wadded into a ball and aimed expertly at the hamper. We hear humming as the shower continues for a bit, then stops. After a beat, the woman walks out of the bathroom, wearing the nightgown and toweling dry her hair. She pulls back the covers and sits on the edge, braiding down the hair into a long plait. She turns out the light and snuggles in under the covers.
This assignment was to describe someone getting ready for a date. At one point they must be looking for something offstage/offscreen.The follow up is what we see after the date. At the end you, the audience, are supposed to know who the person is, what kind of date it was, and how they felt about it. Here is what I came up with and I welcome your ideas/feedback. Thanks!
Evening. Present Day.
A tall, lithe twenty something woman in a supermarket smock, Dockers, a white shirt and ordinary shoes walks in the door of an ordinary middle class apartment dropping her purse, keys, and backpack on the couch. She tears a scrunci out of her hair that is held back in a ponytail from her makeup-fee face as she walks across the living room into a bedroom. She plops onto a double bed with a very ordinary beige print comforter on it. She removes heavy black work shoes from her feet massaging the ache out of them at the same time as she strips off white gym socks. She tosses the socks toward a hamper. She walks into the bathroom and we hear the shower start. The Dockers, blouse and smock come flying out at the hamper. We hear humming as the shower continues for a bit, then stops. After a beat, the woman walks out of the bathroom, her body wrapped in a large white towel and her hair turbaned in another. She walks to the dresser and pulls out fishnet stockings, a black garter belt, a black Miracle Bra with satin and lace trim, and a pair of lacy black underwear. She pads back into the bathroom and we hear more humming. Hair still in a turban, she re-emerges wearing the lingerie and her hair still in the turban. Makeup has been artfully applied to her face with heavy eyeliner, mascara and eyelashes, a high streak of rouge and polished apple red lips. She walks to the closet where a variety of normal items hang and pulls from the left back a leather suit. Crosses to a jewelry box on the dresser where she extracts a leather spiked collar and dangling handcuff earrings. She returns to the bathroom with her booty and we hear the hairdryer over the sound of humming. Emerging dressed and her hair now arranged in a high ponytail circled by a braid, she drops to her knees to search under the bed for something and extracts a small leather carryall. She opens it and adds the box of Kleenex from the bedside table, a comb and a brush. She checks a metal spiked dog brush and what appears to be a ping pong paddle already inside the bag. She exits in stocking feet toward the kitchen and we hear the sound of several kitchen "junk drawers" being ransacked. She reemerges with an egg beater and a couple of chip clips in various sizes. Adding a few condoms and a bottle of lotion from her dresser to the bag she zips it up and plops next to it on the bed, reaching under again between her legs and extracting tall black boots which she puts on. Standing up, she double checks her image in the full length mirror on the back of her door. Adding a hard look and straightening her posture, she picks up the bag and heads toward the front door. She stops to move her ID from her purse to her bag and picks up the keys, then heads out the door.
Later that evening, towards early morning.
The woman returns to her apartment and opens the door. She drops her keys with the purse, and backpack on the couch. She removes her ID and a fold of bills from the front of her leather carryall. She walks across the living room into the bedroom. She plops onto the double bed. She removes her long boots from her feet massaging the ache out of them at the same time, and she slides them well under the bed, followed by the leather carryall. She strips off the leather suit and hangs it carefully on the hanger, then walks it to the closet and slides it into the back left corner. She removes a collar and places it in the jewelry box on the dresser top. She reaches into the dresser and pulls out a well-worn snuggly flannel nightgown in a faded pastel print. She walks into the bathroom and we hear the shower start. The lingerie is wadded into a ball and aimed expertly at the hamper. We hear humming as the shower continues for a bit, then stops. After a beat, the woman walks out of the bathroom, wearing the nightgown and toweling dry her hair. She pulls back the covers and sits on the edge, braiding down the hair into a long plait. She turns out the light and snuggles in under the covers.