Me? Relationships? THIS IS MADNESS!
My life has gotten very interesting this past month, and especially interesting this past week. I can most say with definitiveness that February has rock-bottom sucked with me. Sure, there were a few days after the sports season ended that felt great just because the time pressure was off of me, among a few other pleasant things I'm going to explain here, but it has also been...extremely complicated. Recently, I looked up my Chinese Zodiac fortune on a passing whim using a book I found in my Mandarin class bookshelf (I love that book, by the way) and so far everything it has said about my year has been right - down to the tooth. I agree with it in that February just has been a bummer. Hopefully the book's prophecy that I will gain financially this year will be correct. -secretly hopes that the company I'm interning at pays me, oh please-
1. So, I have liked a certain boy by the name of Travis for a while now, since a little before Christmas break, I'd say. I never really acted on it besides being extremely jealous of his good friend, a girl whom he seemed to be "flirting" with, but as of now I think maybe I was jumping the gun a bit (they haven't committed to a relationship yet or in the past, so I think they're just well enough friends). Just, something happened over the course of a few weeks (maybe I've read too many novels that are 90% romance as of late), and a week or so ago I decided I didn't want to have any regrets. No matter how I tried to tell myself this in the past, it didn't ever work. Now, it has. I don't want to have any regrets. So, I took up my courage and shifted my seat next to his in the classes I have him in. I decided to be more myself, and our interactions have been more genuine. I invited him to a restaurant, thinly disguising the request for a date in that "wanna grab a coffee?" way, and he agreed. He asked to bring his twin sister, though. I allowed that whole-heartedly, and I didn't mind it, really, but it still just left me with a little more doubt. Plus, it could be awkward...more awkward than a "first date" normally is, anyway.
Friday comes. After school, I meet Travis behind the gym so my dad can drive us to the restaurant, and he says he can't come. He tells me his sister wanted to go home, and because his parents enforced a rule that if he went anywhere alone with anyone, he had to bring his sister along, he says he can't come - if only he had a car. I do understand, and I believe him. Travis is the first guy I've met that I believe, in honest, would never cop out of something. He's just not like that: he's honest without being rude, he's kind and considerate, and even if he didn't want to go on a date with me, I don't think he would just pass up the chance to catch up as friends. He's a good person. Obviously, we never went on that "date" because he did have to go home. It's not the end of the world...just disappointing is all. As of now, I'm still trying to wrack my brain for a solution to his parent's rules. I'll have to talk to him about it Monday.
2. That same day, I am again witness to my belief that everything happens for a reason. My dad lost his job coaching my team at school, and for the sole reason that his boss is the most evil, bitchy woman I have ever known in my entire life. And she runs the whole athletic program! My school needs to fire her. Seriously. I know I am biased in the sense that I'm the daughter and have a close relationship with my dad, but I believe that he's never done anything to deserve being fired from a job he does so well. The parents from his other basketball program - the one he founded - support his coaching wholly, so at this bit of news, they're outraged. Maybe they'll stir up a revolution and get him his job back, because, frankly, my dad has never been told he's a bad coach in his twenty years of coaching until this woman told him he was. My father wasn't going to tell me this before my date, but it still was just better, I think, that I hadn't gone on that date just to hear this. It's just better to know these things and think them through for a while.
3. I called Travis just an hour ago, and I assured him it's okay that we didn't get to go to the restaurant. He seemed to need it more than I initially realized, so I'm glad I got to cheer him up a bit. At least that part's taken care of, and telling him about my dad's job as well, so now I just need to talk to him about hanging out without disturbing his parents' rules. This will likely involve me straightforward confessing I want to date him, so I figured I'd save that conversation for face-to-face, which I mightily prefer in this instance...though with Travis that might be every instance. >__> Anyway, he thanked me for the call after I said I needed to get to bed.
TLDR version; I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I never expected a relationship to be so complicated. Only a year ago, I'd guess, I believed that relationships were based upon sweeping the feet off people, that I couldn't do anything besides wait for some handsome male stranger to decide he liked me and my terrible faults and treat me like a goddess. I was pretty vain, I guess, in a hopeless-romantic sort of way. Instead, right now I'm walking down a path that requires both people to work towards a relationship, but while being themselves. It requires a lot of trust, I've found: not just in the person you want a relationship in, but also yourself. A relationship doesn't work if you're just going to keep worrying about your faults and hide yourself away because of that. You have to be willing to show your true self to the person you want to take part in a relationship in, inherent faults and all. If you just accept the way you are around him (or her), things are easier and relationships grow stronger...says the person not even in one, just working herself into her first relationship. >______________>
No, but really: now if I could only apply that to a degree to friendships, because frankly I need some new ones after two people I was getting close to transferred out of my school.
So yeah. Twilight can go suck my ass. Bella and Edward can go suck my ass. Compared to my real life situation, their relationship throughout the books is as fake as Microsoft security.
Now to eagerly await Monday.
1. So, I have liked a certain boy by the name of Travis for a while now, since a little before Christmas break, I'd say. I never really acted on it besides being extremely jealous of his good friend, a girl whom he seemed to be "flirting" with, but as of now I think maybe I was jumping the gun a bit (they haven't committed to a relationship yet or in the past, so I think they're just well enough friends). Just, something happened over the course of a few weeks (maybe I've read too many novels that are 90% romance as of late), and a week or so ago I decided I didn't want to have any regrets. No matter how I tried to tell myself this in the past, it didn't ever work. Now, it has. I don't want to have any regrets. So, I took up my courage and shifted my seat next to his in the classes I have him in. I decided to be more myself, and our interactions have been more genuine. I invited him to a restaurant, thinly disguising the request for a date in that "wanna grab a coffee?" way, and he agreed. He asked to bring his twin sister, though. I allowed that whole-heartedly, and I didn't mind it, really, but it still just left me with a little more doubt. Plus, it could be awkward...more awkward than a "first date" normally is, anyway.
Friday comes. After school, I meet Travis behind the gym so my dad can drive us to the restaurant, and he says he can't come. He tells me his sister wanted to go home, and because his parents enforced a rule that if he went anywhere alone with anyone, he had to bring his sister along, he says he can't come - if only he had a car. I do understand, and I believe him. Travis is the first guy I've met that I believe, in honest, would never cop out of something. He's just not like that: he's honest without being rude, he's kind and considerate, and even if he didn't want to go on a date with me, I don't think he would just pass up the chance to catch up as friends. He's a good person. Obviously, we never went on that "date" because he did have to go home. It's not the end of the world...just disappointing is all. As of now, I'm still trying to wrack my brain for a solution to his parent's rules. I'll have to talk to him about it Monday.
2. That same day, I am again witness to my belief that everything happens for a reason. My dad lost his job coaching my team at school, and for the sole reason that his boss is the most evil, bitchy woman I have ever known in my entire life. And she runs the whole athletic program! My school needs to fire her. Seriously. I know I am biased in the sense that I'm the daughter and have a close relationship with my dad, but I believe that he's never done anything to deserve being fired from a job he does so well. The parents from his other basketball program - the one he founded - support his coaching wholly, so at this bit of news, they're outraged. Maybe they'll stir up a revolution and get him his job back, because, frankly, my dad has never been told he's a bad coach in his twenty years of coaching until this woman told him he was. My father wasn't going to tell me this before my date, but it still was just better, I think, that I hadn't gone on that date just to hear this. It's just better to know these things and think them through for a while.
3. I called Travis just an hour ago, and I assured him it's okay that we didn't get to go to the restaurant. He seemed to need it more than I initially realized, so I'm glad I got to cheer him up a bit. At least that part's taken care of, and telling him about my dad's job as well, so now I just need to talk to him about hanging out without disturbing his parents' rules. This will likely involve me straightforward confessing I want to date him, so I figured I'd save that conversation for face-to-face, which I mightily prefer in this instance...though with Travis that might be every instance. >__> Anyway, he thanked me for the call after I said I needed to get to bed.
TLDR version; I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I never expected a relationship to be so complicated. Only a year ago, I'd guess, I believed that relationships were based upon sweeping the feet off people, that I couldn't do anything besides wait for some handsome male stranger to decide he liked me and my terrible faults and treat me like a goddess. I was pretty vain, I guess, in a hopeless-romantic sort of way. Instead, right now I'm walking down a path that requires both people to work towards a relationship, but while being themselves. It requires a lot of trust, I've found: not just in the person you want a relationship in, but also yourself. A relationship doesn't work if you're just going to keep worrying about your faults and hide yourself away because of that. You have to be willing to show your true self to the person you want to take part in a relationship in, inherent faults and all. If you just accept the way you are around him (or her), things are easier and relationships grow stronger...says the person not even in one, just working herself into her first relationship. >______________>
No, but really: now if I could only apply that to a degree to friendships, because frankly I need some new ones after two people I was getting close to transferred out of my school.
So yeah. Twilight can go suck my ass. Bella and Edward can go suck my ass. Compared to my real life situation, their relationship throughout the books is as fake as Microsoft security.
Now to eagerly await Monday.