(no subject)
I want to cry. The tears ain't coming, but I want to cry, if not just to relieve my heart of this pain. I never thought heartbreak could strike so quickly and so viciously. We barely know one another; it's no understatement that we are nothing but strangers. But. You wouldn't know it, but I actually know so much of you. So much, that you'll be surprised of what I actually know. But, do I even exist in your eyes? We've never spoken, but I've heard enough to know what your voice sounds like, and how your laughter rings in the air. We've never exchanged looks, but I've seen enough to know how your eyes squeeze into moonshaped slits when you laugh, how the dimple appears whenever you smile. We've never shared a conversation, but I've been told enough to know what you're like in person; what a goofy, cheeky, playful, and nice personality you have.
You are the very definition of 'so close and yet so far'. Many a times, you're standing so close right beside me I can feel the warmth of your body. Many a times, you're sitting just a few steps away from me, laughing away with someone who I wished more than anything else was me. And yet, the distance between us feels an ocean wide. And yet, we never exchanged a word between us. Everytime you're close by, I had to look down. I had to look anywhere but at you, for fear that my eyes and my face will give everything away - how much I just want to say hi and start a conversation with you. But, again and again, I never could. I wonder if you ever noticed how I never could look at you straight in the eye. I wonder if you ever noticed how I always peeked at you when I think you're not looking. I wonder, if you ever looked at me? If you ever wondered who am I, the girl who suddenly entered you group but never spoke? Did you realize that I've spoken at least once to every one of the juniors, every single one, but you? You're always right in front of me, but why have we never said anything to one another? I wished, so bad, that you would just say hi to me yesterday. But you didn't. Sometimes, I think you were looking at me, but that's probably just my mind playing tricks on me, isn't it? Afterall, how could anyone be attracted by someone who isn't pretty, isn't funny, isn't cute, and isn't interesting in any way? You probably think I'm a bore. Well, that's if you are even aware of my existence.
Writing it all down, I realize just how depressing this is. I'm not desperate, but at the same time, I feel rather desperate too. Not to get a boyfriend, but just to get to know you and be good friends, at least. To be honest, I didn't, and wasn't, expecting to fall for someone and get another heartbreak so soon. Not to mention from someone whom I barely knew. You're my first, you know.
I have so much I want to tell you, but will I ever get the chance? You have no idea how many times I've imagined you in my head, speaking to one another comfortably. It sounds delusional, but I guess that's what love does to you. It's sad, how I've been in an unrequited love 3 times in a row, how my heart has been broken, unknown to the person, for 3 freaking times. There's only so many times my heart can repair, you know. This time, too, is it going to be the same? But I'm so certain that this time, we are made for one another. Because, from what I've been told, we have so much in common, we are alike in so many ways. So will we ever get the opportunity?
How do other people do it? Why does it look so easy and simple for other people, but it seems so difficult for us? Is this karma for what I did to that poor bouquet of flowers so many years ago? Because if it is, haven't I received enough punishment as it is?
I probably won't get the chance to wish this to you in person, not counting the video which I was reluctantly dragged into and of which I'm pretty sure you'll think I'm just another one of your crazy stalker fans, but,
Happy Birthday, Joshua.
No one is ever going to read and know of this, so I'll just leave your name as it is.
Happy 21st Birthday.
I'm not the birthday girl and the wish is not mine to make today, but I hope and pray that the day will come when I get to call you 'Yoshi' and you'll reply me with that dimpled smile of yours and maybe even a hug. And maybe if it's not too much to ask, I hope we'll get to celebrate your next birthday, and the one after the next, and all your future birthdays together. Just you and me.
Have a good memorable 21st, birthday boy.
I know you will. :)
You are the very definition of 'so close and yet so far'. Many a times, you're standing so close right beside me I can feel the warmth of your body. Many a times, you're sitting just a few steps away from me, laughing away with someone who I wished more than anything else was me. And yet, the distance between us feels an ocean wide. And yet, we never exchanged a word between us. Everytime you're close by, I had to look down. I had to look anywhere but at you, for fear that my eyes and my face will give everything away - how much I just want to say hi and start a conversation with you. But, again and again, I never could. I wonder if you ever noticed how I never could look at you straight in the eye. I wonder if you ever noticed how I always peeked at you when I think you're not looking. I wonder, if you ever looked at me? If you ever wondered who am I, the girl who suddenly entered you group but never spoke? Did you realize that I've spoken at least once to every one of the juniors, every single one, but you? You're always right in front of me, but why have we never said anything to one another? I wished, so bad, that you would just say hi to me yesterday. But you didn't. Sometimes, I think you were looking at me, but that's probably just my mind playing tricks on me, isn't it? Afterall, how could anyone be attracted by someone who isn't pretty, isn't funny, isn't cute, and isn't interesting in any way? You probably think I'm a bore. Well, that's if you are even aware of my existence.
Writing it all down, I realize just how depressing this is. I'm not desperate, but at the same time, I feel rather desperate too. Not to get a boyfriend, but just to get to know you and be good friends, at least. To be honest, I didn't, and wasn't, expecting to fall for someone and get another heartbreak so soon. Not to mention from someone whom I barely knew. You're my first, you know.
I have so much I want to tell you, but will I ever get the chance? You have no idea how many times I've imagined you in my head, speaking to one another comfortably. It sounds delusional, but I guess that's what love does to you. It's sad, how I've been in an unrequited love 3 times in a row, how my heart has been broken, unknown to the person, for 3 freaking times. There's only so many times my heart can repair, you know. This time, too, is it going to be the same? But I'm so certain that this time, we are made for one another. Because, from what I've been told, we have so much in common, we are alike in so many ways. So will we ever get the opportunity?
How do other people do it? Why does it look so easy and simple for other people, but it seems so difficult for us? Is this karma for what I did to that poor bouquet of flowers so many years ago? Because if it is, haven't I received enough punishment as it is?
I probably won't get the chance to wish this to you in person, not counting the video which I was reluctantly dragged into and of which I'm pretty sure you'll think I'm just another one of your crazy stalker fans, but,
Happy Birthday, Joshua.
No one is ever going to read and know of this, so I'll just leave your name as it is.
Happy 21st Birthday.
I'm not the birthday girl and the wish is not mine to make today, but I hope and pray that the day will come when I get to call you 'Yoshi' and you'll reply me with that dimpled smile of yours and maybe even a hug. And maybe if it's not too much to ask, I hope we'll get to celebrate your next birthday, and the one after the next, and all your future birthdays together. Just you and me.
Have a good memorable 21st, birthday boy.
I know you will. :)