The inevitable will happen....and it sucks!!!
So I had planned to talk about this a while back, but i never took the opportunity to do it. I was gonna write this whole reflection on the death of Fr. Chris, the pastor of Catholic Campus Ministry here at Wright State. Im gonna forego that and talk about something that has been haunting me ever since the night i found out that he died. Add i could think about that night were my boys in Jamaica. I knew that since Fr. Chris died, there would be a strong possibility that I would never see them again. I cried that night, partially because of the sudden death, but most of it had to do with those thoughts. If you couldn't tell from my entry when i was down there, I love those boys with all my heart. Well, Joan is putting the list together for Jamaica, and she told me today that I am not gonna be on the "A" list for the trip. I know that it was kind of expected, but I hate hearing that. It pisses me off. I know that's selfish to think that...yeah, i should give up my spot for those who haven't been there before, but still, I love those boys. As I write this, I am watching videos that i took down there, and they reassure me that I belong down there with them. Joan was open to helping me arrange a separate trip, which is better than nothing, but it would be really nice to be able to go with NCSA. I spent an hour trying to embed into her mind little tidbits of experiences that i had and reasons that I should go down there. Some of those consisted of personal conversations that I had with Fr. Chris about how I stand out from other people who went on the trip, how I do chores with them and show interest in their daily life. I am not all about the "luxury" of Jamaica. I am about the heart and soul of every single one of those boys down there. Now, more than ever, I need support from my family and friends to do whatever it takes to get me down there at least once more. They miss me, I know it...they said so in the letters they sent back with Sr. Susan when she came up for the funeral. I know that I have personally touched their lives, and I promised them that I would be back for at least one more year. They begged me to ask their teacher if i could stay for Christmas, and ever since then, I have tried to make every effort to make that happen. Please keep me and everyone who is and could potentially be involved in the trip in your prayers. I just feel like I wanna go down there right now. As I have said before...My body is here, but my mind is in Jamaica. Well I have to go off now and work Bingo at the K of C. How ironic...I had planned to work that tonight so that I can help to raise money for this trip, and now, I probably won't directly benefit from that trip. Forgive me if i sound selfish, I am just a mess right now.