reflection on this quarter
So its here: the end of the quarter. I remember 10 weeks ago when i just couldn't wait to get the hell out of here. That's how the first 6 or 7 weeks went, then my attitude changed...yeah it would be nice to get done with school, and yeah, i really want to go to Jamaica in a week and a half, but then something happened this quarter that was kind of out of the blue: feelings. I didnt know what to do, and my previous entries kind of give insight to that. I decided to take those feelings and go with them. I dont regret it one bit because it seems to be really positive right now...like nothing i have ever experienced before. I have just been in a really blah mood the past couple of days because the end of the quarter is here. I guess i just worry a lot. I wanna be able to share at least one more time, one more moment before break. I just need to trust that when I come back from break, there are two more quarters to expand on these feelings and hopefully continue to let things get better. I dont have any reason to believe that things will get worse, i just need to trust that. I am just not used to things going how they have been going so far. I dont want to cause additional trouble either. I have been accused in the past of being too caring, and so i have realized that i closed myself off to people. In this case, things just felt right...i trusted my feelings and opened myself up. It wasnt as easy as i thought, but i am glad i did, because it seems to be helping. I just hope it doesnt come back to bite me in the ass. even a couple of my friends are noticing something different in this case. yeah, there are red flags, but when aren't there red flags? They aren't as obvious this time, and i just seem to be doubting things too much. I realize that due to circumstances beyond my control, things will take time...I feel it is worth it though. In certain situations, especially this one, a guy would tend to run away from them. I have lately thought "what the hell have i gotten myself into", but in the end, it comes down to my feelings because thats whats started all of this...and im not going anywhere. I will continue to be there because i care. That could be my fatal flaw, but it is me, and i can't stop being me. As one of my friends told me last night, everyone has a purpose in life, and i have never questioned mine, but she said that i have been put here to be there for other people: to care for them unconditionally. I have opened myself up pretty far in this case, and i know i am just opening myself up for potential hurt, but i just need to keep faith that things will only get better. I can't control other people's feelings, but I just need to be thankful that i have been given a chance (which is more than i have been given in the past). I just ask that things continue to remain open and just trust that all will be well. I wasn't expecting any of this to happen this quarter...usually i am looking, but this one kind of just happened, so i took it and went. I just hope that it wasnt a bad decision. Okay, i can ramble about this all day until i am blue in the face. I hope i can continue to keep a positive attitude and i pray that i can get through all of this, go to Jamaica over break, and come back from break and pick up where things left off.