(no subject)
EVERYONE IS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna be a bad fucking wife to Mike.. I'm a terrible person and deserve to die.. fuck this life!!
I AM SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF TRYING TO LIVE UP TO EVERYONE'S STANDARDS!!!!!
WHy can't I just fall off the face of the earth.. why did I have to be put here?? I wish it were just all over..
I've been getting really depressed lately.. yesterday I watched my brother cutting something with his knife and I noticed how sharp it was.. and I had a dream the other night that I was pregnant and was taking a shower and my arm got caught on a venus razor and when I pulled it out and the blood started trickling down my arm.. it was so nice.. and this scares me like crazy. I don't want to fall so deep into my depression again.. I've been flaking on everyone and just sit here crying or packing.. Mike doesn't talk to me on the phone very much..we just say what we need to and get off the phone.. mainly so we don't run the bill up high..
I just feel so alone and it sucks because I have alienated myself from everyone.. on purpose.. just pulling away. And now I'm pulling away from my family.. and I said things to my mom today that I didn't mean and I'm sitting here sobbing my eyes because she's right, I don't deserve Mike. I'm going to be an awful wife and just deserve to live a lowly, lonely life in seclusion.
I deserve to be buried alone. I deserve to be alone. I only hurt the ones I love with all of my heart. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna be a bad fucking wife to Mike.. I'm a terrible person and deserve to die.. fuck this life!!
I AM SO SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF TRYING TO LIVE UP TO EVERYONE'S STANDARDS!!!!!
WHy can't I just fall off the face of the earth.. why did I have to be put here?? I wish it were just all over..
I've been getting really depressed lately.. yesterday I watched my brother cutting something with his knife and I noticed how sharp it was.. and I had a dream the other night that I was pregnant and was taking a shower and my arm got caught on a venus razor and when I pulled it out and the blood started trickling down my arm.. it was so nice.. and this scares me like crazy. I don't want to fall so deep into my depression again.. I've been flaking on everyone and just sit here crying or packing.. Mike doesn't talk to me on the phone very much..we just say what we need to and get off the phone.. mainly so we don't run the bill up high..
I just feel so alone and it sucks because I have alienated myself from everyone.. on purpose.. just pulling away. And now I'm pulling away from my family.. and I said things to my mom today that I didn't mean and I'm sitting here sobbing my eyes because she's right, I don't deserve Mike. I'm going to be an awful wife and just deserve to live a lowly, lonely life in seclusion.
I deserve to be buried alone. I deserve to be alone. I only hurt the ones I love with all of my heart. I'm sorry.