Mostly boring and rambling. I'm sorry!
I keep going back to Facebook to look at people I went to school with. I've done it before of course but I'm becoming a bit obsessed by it at the moment. I'm just fascinated by what that look like. My old colleague Liz used to go to a lot of her school reunions (she's twenty years older than me) and she always said that 'people turn out exactly like you think they will' and I agree. That rough-looking, ginger bully who pick on you at school? Well, he's still a rough-looking ginger (and I assume) bully too. An amazing number of people have never left Crewe either which probably explains why I'm not in contact with them any more really. There are also a fair number of people who are either married or have kids, like loads of them! I guess at 25 that's not as weird as it could be but to me and my life, it's all very strange. It all just feels so distant from me. I'm loath to say that I transcended to be middle class because that would be twattish but I guess as a liberal person who went to Uni I'm bound to have picked up some middle class elements. It's just, the things I do, the life I lead, I could never go back and live and Crewe and just be me. I'd go mad. I used to make my old colleague Stella laugh when I said that Crewe people all have the same look on their face - that slightly grimacing, face-like-a-smacked-arse face. I dunno why I'm writing all this down. It just feels like I've come so far in a way, and I should be quite proud of it, because nearly all of the people I went to school with, including my old friends were, well, let's just say that I'm better off for no longer knowing them. I may not have many (any?) close friends but I do have friends and get out and about because of them.
I guess the main thing that's been going on of late is part 112 of my body being crap. The funny turns have continued and I had my third one on Saturday, in the cinema of all places! It's getting ridiculous. We went to see The Hangover and thankfully I managed to make it through. I'm not really into films like that but it was really funny, I did enjoy it, albeit not as much as I would have done had I not been scared of passing out. I was fine when I got out into the fresh air though.
I've felt a bit rubbish about not being well this weekend as we had a busy one, and I hate having to concentrate on not having an attack instead of not being myself. I was a bit worried that Julia and Amy thought me miserable/anti-social when this really isn't the case. Anyway, I went to the doctors on Monday in a desperate bid to find out what's wrong with me and despite waiting for an hour, and me stressing to the doctor that I have NOT been having panic attacks and that what I feel is like a panic attack except I have illness rather than anxiety, seemed to think that there was nothing to worry about. He said that I've got to learn to control the attacks when they happen because the deep breathing is causing the pins and needles, subsequent dizziness and loss of appetite. That I can accept but you're not slightly dizzy for days after a panic attack are you? I've always been sympathetic to mental health sufferers who struggle to describe their condition but on Monday I totally got it. I couldn't say that 'it hurts here' or 'I have a cut here' so what I was being told by the doctor really wasn't really satisfying me. Yesterday I had this awful pressure in my neck which moved up into my head in the evening though. It was weird as it didn't hurt.
I do think that this is the key to it all though. Neural problems are in my family although it's nothing diagnosable. My great Auntie had back problems, not aching ones, but trouble bending, those kind of problems. My Mum has a slight tick in head/neck and all three of us had/have awful eyesight. My uncle also has awful nerves. So while there's no pattern as such, I can totally see why I would have problems of this nature. I guess I'll just have to deal with it unless I have another attack happens or something else does. The doctor did say that if it does happen again then they can run simple tests. Better than nowt I guess. It just worries me really as I'm only 25 and should be perfectly healthy. The irony though? I've been exercising more lately in order to get fitter! But I've had to stop for a bit as I' terrified I'll kill myself!
Anyway, that was a bit lengthy and boring so on to better things. We had James' sister Julia come to stay over the weekend as we'd managed to get her a ticket for Party In The Park on Sunday. So on Saturday we went to Bella Italia and then the cinema and then the three of us plus Amy went to the Party In The Park. Getting there was a bit of a nightmare as we went to get the free bus, only to find that the queu was literally streets long. So we gave up and Amy drove us! Traffic was obviously bad but we got there eventually. After 2 though so we missed the start. It wasn't like a normal festival thing where the bigger acts are higher up the bill. It was all over the place, and there were acts we didn't know about. So annoyingly we missed Sophie-Ellis Bextor who I really wanted to see, I do love her so. We got there just as VV Brown was on which was a nice surprise as I really like her album at the moment. Sadly though, she only did 'Shark In The Water' and left before we could even sit down! The stage area was great though. It was in a dip so you got a great view wherever you sat. So the acts we did see were in order:
James was in London yesterday as it was the national staff awards and he was nominated. He got the runner-up prize for his catagory and got £100! I'm very proud, especially as he was the only person to be a solo person rather than a team nomination in his catagory. He deserves it though, he's doing amazingly well at work. He's getting a bigger pay rise than anyone on his team because he's so good and his boss keeps saying that if their place stays open then they will definitely move him up. Shame the future is uncertain with it though. For some reason it's only recently that I've realised that James is one of these annoying people that are good at everything. I think it's ever since I went bowling with him that it dawned on me. He's even good at sporting events! He's good at being pretty too! Amy calls him WikiJames because he knows lots. Makes you sick doesn't it? (NB: he is mine!)
Oh, while James was in London he went to see the fourth plinth. It's no secret that I love it and I was very jealous. Turned out that yesterday was a great day for nutjobs too. Anyway, he rang me at work and looked at the live stream and I could see him waving! Amazing! Also on the plinth yesterday - an amazing gay man that dressed up in drag complete with feathers, then dressed as the Angel of the North and then got stark bollock naked. Great. Also of note - a woman who brought four other wman along with her and did a performance piece where they pretended to be pigeons. Nuts.
We watched Dorian Blues the other day which was quite a good, gay, TV film. It felt quite real in a way and while it was funny it was also quite serious. A nice portrayal of leaving home, coming to terms with your sexuality, and fatherly relations, especially from a US point of view.
I guess the main thing that's been going on of late is part 112 of my body being crap. The funny turns have continued and I had my third one on Saturday, in the cinema of all places! It's getting ridiculous. We went to see The Hangover and thankfully I managed to make it through. I'm not really into films like that but it was really funny, I did enjoy it, albeit not as much as I would have done had I not been scared of passing out. I was fine when I got out into the fresh air though.
I've felt a bit rubbish about not being well this weekend as we had a busy one, and I hate having to concentrate on not having an attack instead of not being myself. I was a bit worried that Julia and Amy thought me miserable/anti-social when this really isn't the case. Anyway, I went to the doctors on Monday in a desperate bid to find out what's wrong with me and despite waiting for an hour, and me stressing to the doctor that I have NOT been having panic attacks and that what I feel is like a panic attack except I have illness rather than anxiety, seemed to think that there was nothing to worry about. He said that I've got to learn to control the attacks when they happen because the deep breathing is causing the pins and needles, subsequent dizziness and loss of appetite. That I can accept but you're not slightly dizzy for days after a panic attack are you? I've always been sympathetic to mental health sufferers who struggle to describe their condition but on Monday I totally got it. I couldn't say that 'it hurts here' or 'I have a cut here' so what I was being told by the doctor really wasn't really satisfying me. Yesterday I had this awful pressure in my neck which moved up into my head in the evening though. It was weird as it didn't hurt.
I do think that this is the key to it all though. Neural problems are in my family although it's nothing diagnosable. My great Auntie had back problems, not aching ones, but trouble bending, those kind of problems. My Mum has a slight tick in head/neck and all three of us had/have awful eyesight. My uncle also has awful nerves. So while there's no pattern as such, I can totally see why I would have problems of this nature. I guess I'll just have to deal with it unless I have another attack happens or something else does. The doctor did say that if it does happen again then they can run simple tests. Better than nowt I guess. It just worries me really as I'm only 25 and should be perfectly healthy. The irony though? I've been exercising more lately in order to get fitter! But I've had to stop for a bit as I' terrified I'll kill myself!
Anyway, that was a bit lengthy and boring so on to better things. We had James' sister Julia come to stay over the weekend as we'd managed to get her a ticket for Party In The Park on Sunday. So on Saturday we went to Bella Italia and then the cinema and then the three of us plus Amy went to the Party In The Park. Getting there was a bit of a nightmare as we went to get the free bus, only to find that the queu was literally streets long. So we gave up and Amy drove us! Traffic was obviously bad but we got there eventually. After 2 though so we missed the start. It wasn't like a normal festival thing where the bigger acts are higher up the bill. It was all over the place, and there were acts we didn't know about. So annoyingly we missed Sophie-Ellis Bextor who I really wanted to see, I do love her so. We got there just as VV Brown was on which was a nice surprise as I really like her album at the moment. Sadly though, she only did 'Shark In The Water' and left before we could even sit down! The stage area was great though. It was in a dip so you got a great view wherever you sat. So the acts we did see were in order:
- Blazing Squad - Yes, you read that right. We were not expecting this for obvious reasons. Still, they didn't win me over and Kenzie's strange muscular body does not fit his head. Just wrong.
- Frankmusik - Very good! I can't make my mind up if I'm a fan yet but live he was very good. He did 'Better Off As Two' and 'Confusion Girl'
- IronikI - Alright. Tonnes better when he was doing 'Tiny Dancer' though!
- Girls Can't Catch - We saw these as support for The Saturdays and didn't like them. They've got better though.
- Taio Cruz - i can't remember anything about him! Not really my thing :s
- Little Boots - Amazing! She did 'Stuck On Repeat', ' Remedy' and 'New In Town' which are probably my three favourites. Very glad to have seen her as her album is one of my favourites at the moment.
- Alesha Dixon - I like Alesha, who doesn't? Her album is good, I like it. However, I was not prepared for how awesome she really was. The woman is a force of nature and she deserves to be a proper star...just not when she's booting Arlene Philips off Strictly Come Dancing obviously. She did 'Let's Get Excited', 'Breathe Slow' and 'The Boy Does Nothing'. Just, amazing.
- Beverley Knight - Ms Knight is one of these people (like Alicia Keys) whose songs never quite match the fact that they have stunning vocals. However, she did 'Keep This Fire Burning' which as a Robyn cover I obviously love. Shame she did 'Shoulda Woulda Coulda' though as 'Come As You Are' would have been much more appreciated.
- Agnes - What will she sing other than 'Release Me'? we asked. Will she do 'Release Me' the remix?! And then 'Release Me' the acoustic version to round it off? No. She did 'Release Me' and pissed off. Bye Agnes!
- Preston - Worryingly, I like his solo song. However, he was very grumpy, did his song and then disappeared again.
- Tinchy Stryder - Again not my thing but he was brilliant! I dont know his stuff apart from 'Number 1' but it was really good!
- N-Dubz - Started with 'Number 1' obviously and then got the biggest set. They got five songs! And they were bloody awful.
- Pixie Lott - Oh fuck off.
- JLS - JLS were being billed as the big draw it seemed. Optimistic I thought. However, loads of people left after their set. Idiots! They were terrible though. They mimed 'Umbrella' and then mimed their rubbish-with-whiff-of-the-90s new single 'Beat Again'. In a music world which has moved on from the miming shite pop acts of the 90s, where Britney gets lynched for miming, and which has seen Girls bands move into the 21st century, JLS managed to make us feel like it is still 1997 when pop was awful and boynads flashed six packs in order to shift units. Die.
- Calvin Harris - I'm not realy a fan but he was good. Obviously better when the followup joined him on-stage:
- Dizzee Rascal - The man came on to a changed version of 'That's Not My Name' which included lyrics such as 'they call me rudeboy' and 'they say the N-word like it's ok'. He did 'Dance Wiv Me'. The man is amazing. Ended with 'Bonkers', I came in my pants.
James was in London yesterday as it was the national staff awards and he was nominated. He got the runner-up prize for his catagory and got £100! I'm very proud, especially as he was the only person to be a solo person rather than a team nomination in his catagory. He deserves it though, he's doing amazingly well at work. He's getting a bigger pay rise than anyone on his team because he's so good and his boss keeps saying that if their place stays open then they will definitely move him up. Shame the future is uncertain with it though. For some reason it's only recently that I've realised that James is one of these annoying people that are good at everything. I think it's ever since I went bowling with him that it dawned on me. He's even good at sporting events! He's good at being pretty too! Amy calls him WikiJames because he knows lots. Makes you sick doesn't it? (NB: he is mine!)
Oh, while James was in London he went to see the fourth plinth. It's no secret that I love it and I was very jealous. Turned out that yesterday was a great day for nutjobs too. Anyway, he rang me at work and looked at the live stream and I could see him waving! Amazing! Also on the plinth yesterday - an amazing gay man that dressed up in drag complete with feathers, then dressed as the Angel of the North and then got stark bollock naked. Great. Also of note - a woman who brought four other wman along with her and did a performance piece where they pretended to be pigeons. Nuts.
We watched Dorian Blues the other day which was quite a good, gay, TV film. It felt quite real in a way and while it was funny it was also quite serious. A nice portrayal of leaving home, coming to terms with your sexuality, and fatherly relations, especially from a US point of view.