Thursday, November 6th - After dinner
Theodore was getting into a routine of sneaking out at night now, he found it a little odd that just a few months back he wouldn't have really dared such a thing, but he didn't mind. Carefully he made his way to Lupin's room, knowing the corridors and hidey-holes by heart now, knowing that if someone came along, especially a teacher, he'd have to
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"Hey, Theo." He put down his quill and walked over to meet Theo, hugging him tightly and kissing his cheek.
"Let's go sit in front of the fire."
He led Theo across the room, then sat on the floor in front of the hearth. He'd charmed the fire to not be too hot; he got chilly even in summer, but the fire full strength would be too hot. He liked the flames so much, though, that he kept it on, just muted it's heat a bit. Remus would have sat in the armchair and directed Theo to the other, but he wanted to be closer than that to his lover. The bed would have been close, but...Too close. So, the floor seemed the best solution. They could sit close and hug, hold hands, whatever.
"So...You wanted to talk to me, then?"
He smoothed Theo's hair with his fingers and smiled encouragingly.
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"I..." He bit his lips, eyes going to the fire as he thought about how to start. He'd been thinking things over through the day but it didn't make it any easier. "I'm sure you know about my fathers'... alliances... he... that day, the... the execution, he wanted me to go but I declined, said something about missing class because I didn't want to dissapoint him but I did anyway..." He only paused to take a quick breath, if he was going to say it, it'd likely be rushed out.
"I know he was upset, but I couldn't, I was scared... scared of it, of dissapointing him, of showing how much a failure I was..." He closed his eyes briefly, taking another breath. "A few days ago he returned my owl, he... My father told me he doesn't expect me to join them. He knows I wouldn't fit in, that.... that I wouldn't want that, and even though he's highly dissapointed, he still wants to keep me safe..." He ( ... )
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Sniffling again, he reached up to wipe his eyes, closing them as he listened to what Remus was saying, knowing it was true even if he still didn't fully believe it. "I know... I know, I never questioned myself before but... knowing he's ashamed, actually knowing is different from just thinking it. But, I know he'd be dissapointed in me for this, and I don't care, I care for you, other than my cat your the best thing in my life. I love my parents but we were never close, sometimes it's like they were never there and only used me in ( ... )
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He did understand that he could never change his parents and than in their own way loved him, but when he saw how other parents were it made him a little jealous. "I'm sure you'd be an excellent father if you could be Remus, any kid would be lucky to have you as a dad, even if you did get a bit furrier some days". Sliding forwards a little, he hugged Remus tightly and snuggled closer, nodding slightly.
"I know... I'm not going to change who I am for them or for anyone. If people don't like that, then they don't like it, but sometimes I get sick of trying to pretend to be someone I'm not... some people don't except it but you do, you accept my weirdness without even blinking an eye, and it means a lot to me".
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"You mean a lot to me, Theo. More than...Well. More than I ever expected anyone to mean to me, ever again. I'm so glad I got to know you. I can't say enough how lucky I feel to just know you and be part of your life. I'll always accept you for who you are. You've nothing to worry about, there. That'll never change."
He kissed Theo again, hoping Theo was glad to be here, hoping them talking was helping him. He'd like nothing more than to lie down with Theo and just sleep next to him, to share space with him. To feel him beside him, to wake up with him. For Theo to be the first thing he saw in the morning. For the rest of his life.
He knew these feelings had come on too fast, but he couldn't really deny them. And if they never came to be, he would accept that. But being here with Theo, talking with him, made Remus hope very much that those days would come, eventually.
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"I'm glad I'm here, that you trust me and can I can talk to you. You... You make me feel special". He ducked his head a little, knowing it was a silly thing to say but to him it was still true. Snuggling closer he pressed a kiss to Remus's cheek and smiled. "Thank you for just... Listening".
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"I'll never thing my judgement was wrong. Even if you mess up. Everyone messes up. I have messed up, badly, at times. As I did three years ago when I forgot to take the potion and ended up loose on the forest on the full moon. I could have killed someone. Harry, or Hermione, or Ron. Anyone. But does that make me evil? Does it mean anyone who trusted me was wrong to do so?No, it just means I'm human and I made a very bad mistake."
He sighed and ran his fingers over Theo's cheek.
"I'm sure you'll make mistakes, Theo. But they won't make me regret how I feel. They won't."
He smiled.
"And I'm glad I make you feel special. You should feel that way; you are. And I could listen to you all night, so...Thank you for talking to me."
He tilted his head down and kissed Theo softly but lingeringly, letting their lips meet for long moments, moving his softly over Theo's as he hugged the boy tighter to him.
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He returned the kiss, sniffing slightly at Remus's words, knowing the other thought them to be the truth. That Remus believe in him even if he screwed up meant a lot to him.
Wrapping his arms lightly around Remus's neck he snuggled closer and let his eyes close, feeling safe. Slowly he returned the kiss gently, a smile on his face.
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He blushed slightly in rememberance of the last time he'd made Remus moan in such a way, and he whimpered slightly at the thought, trying to ignore the way his body remebered the last time.
Sighing softly at the gentle touch he kissed back, growing a little more confident as he hesitantly opened his mouth to lik across Remus's bottom lip.
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After a few moments, he pulled back and looked at Theo, smiling.
"I don't want you to feel we need to do anything...Physical, Theo. I'd like to, but...I don't want you to feel I'm rushing you. Is there anything you'd...I mean."
He blushed just a little, feeling like an adolescent rather than a grown man.
"Anything you'd like to do?"
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He looked away this time and licked his lips. "I like when you touch me, and I... I want to touch you but umm..." Biting his lip he looked up and kissed Remus lightly on the lips, his hands resting on his chest.
"We could just... kiss and touch and umm... if we want to stop we... stop?" He was blushing harder now, but he did want to touch Remus, wanted to hear more moans and see the glint of gold in his eyes again.
"If you want I mean..." His fingers lightly rubbed over Remus's chest, not moving to far but not idle either. "I liked that thing..." He briefly looked down at his boxers half hidden by his robe though the knot was a little loose.
I must sound like an idiot.
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"I like it when you touch me, too...And I love touching you."
He leaned forward and kissed Theo's neck, gently and softly, moving his lips over Theo's skin in a slow arc towards his ear, then back again. He hoped the soft kisses would ease Theo's nerves somewhat.
He moved one hand to cover Theo's on his chest, entwining their fingers together gently.
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"Like kissing you..." He licked his lips and squeezed the others' hand gently before freeing one of his own so that he could trace his fingertips along Remus's shoulders and down his back, lightly catching on the cloth of the others' shirt.
Relaxing slowly, he let the hand still entwined with Remus's own, slide up slightly, rubbing gently over his chest as he pressed forwards again.
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