iWILL!
since ive been freed of the daunting task of having to pay my prohibitively expensive speeding ticket, i decided to splurge on another useless expense: a cellphone. i know, i know, i just recently purchased a very spiffy (and overwhelmingly complicated, i might add) blackberry phone, but i have quite a collection of unlocked phones should i decide to give my "everyday phone" a rest, or just to change for the sake of change. so i went straight to ebay-the first place i go to for anything i want to buy online-and looked around. after a few minutes, i noticed that a lot of these devices have a name that is a spin-off of the famous ipod: iMATE, iPAQ, iPHONE..and lets not forget those other ones: iTUNES, iPOD, and iROC(yes, there is such a car, and volkswagen made it. once.). since im very much interested in the sex industry, i decided that i too, will create a pleasure-inducing device: the iSUCK. this device is very similar to the "fleshlight" wherein the user inserts his penis into a silicone-lined plastic tube and is moved up and down with his hand until-presto! a successful release is achieved. mine, however, will capitalize on this idea but with a more sophisticated twist: with a vibrate function, little motorized plastic balls that revolve around the tube, and heat. the other end can even be hooked up to a vacuum hose, so it can simulate any bodily cavity that the user wishes to recapture. it even folds for easy storage and portability and comes with a travel bag for pleasure on the go! since im not very familiar with such devices (im old fashioned-i watch porn), im not quite sure if this has been invented or under development as of this day, but if not, then i will pursue it when i raise enough capital. the sex industry is more lucrative than the telecommunications industry, and my device will certainly be a LOT more entertaining than a cellphone with all the bells and whistles.