Why I'm Not in the Justice League
The glories of nature and life and so on have bestowed upon me the powers rejected by superheros everywhere. Allow me to explain. And for fun, let's do this in a movie-preview type voice (imagine with me, if you will):
"Brittany Whittenberg thought she had everything under control. But she may have thought too soon! Suddenly our heroine finds herself able to vomit without warning and be hungry again two hours later. She can cry on command, smell anything within 10 miles, and her breasts radiate pain outwards in all directions. How will Brittany and those who love her (well, love her for now...) cope with these life changes? Find out in eight short months-coming to a hospital near wherever the hell she'll be living."
If that didn't make things apparent, I'll be crystal clear. I'm pregnant. Yes, I'm serious. No, it's not a joke. I found out on the 21st of Nov, and I've been going back and fourth as to what to do, what is the best choice, what do I need, where are my values, how do I feel, etc etc etc. Clarity did strike, and now I know I want the baby. I'm still very early in the pregnancy, and there are some complications right now with the baby's heartbeat, but if I can control it, I want this baby. So, now I'm announcing....weird, huh?
I never wanted kids. But when the test was positive, I didn't think "I can't do this" or "I don't want a child" or anything like that. I have many supportive friends who have kids and who've had abortions, and everyone has given me advice and support and most of all, love-which has helped me feel good about whatever choice I wanted to make. I don't morally appose abortion, but I just don't think it's for me right now. I feel an attachment for this baby, and I want to protect it and care for it. So I'm going to.
I hope everyone will be behind me on this. I'd be insane if I weren't scared, and I am scared. An abortion would be the easier choice-cheaper, by a whole hell of a lot, easier than birth, and examples go on and on. But I have to follow what I feel. It'll work out. Keith is supportive and behind me, which is more than many women in this situation can say. He listened to my whole decision journey, and gave me his input, and let me yell and let me cry and wants to make sure I'm not alone. And, to my surprise, he wasn't the only one behind me-Ricky, Jane, Ari, Steph, Shanny, Floyd and Annie, even Preston-the most child free person there is, was behind me. My family has been as helpful as they can be too-my sister even offered to come and hold my hand through things.
While it sounds I'm being flawlessly supported, many people are being not so gentle about it...but I know it's from concern and they aren't trying to be so harsh. So I'm trying not to cry at the drop of a hat, which is working over half the time, so that's good.
So, this makes a million questions come up-where will things go with Keith? What about school? What about moving-will I? Won't I? What about work? Therapy? Day care for the baby? And things just keep building and building and then I throw up, so yes....lots of that... But it's gonna work out, and I feel good having made the choice and have my friends with me, and Keith supporting me too. I'm gonna figure out all the answers, and I know it'll work out the way it should. I feel good (when I'm not nauseous and sore) and confident and daresay, even excited.
More updates will follow, I'm sure. I'm due July 20th, and only 6 weeks and 6 days along today. Knock on wood that the baby gets stronger soon-my next ultrasound is the 12th, to check it's heartbeat again. I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and got to drink, because I didn't....however, I did take home leftovers up the wazoo (thanks Jane!) cause I had the pregnant card to play....the perks are nice, I will say. :-) Steph will be in town in 4 days, and I am totally jazzed beyond belief! I'll get to meet Aubrey and play with Stephie for 5 whole days-it's gonna be awesome. I'll update again soon-hope everyone is doing well!
