(no subject)
i feel so much more secure when we talk.
i feel like i'm in the place that you wanted me to be
and all you had to do was explain it to me
i needed you
and i told you i needed you because i was going through something
and you told me you would take care of me
and you did fail me
but i know it wasn't on purpose
and this isn't forever
i trust you that you will show up for me when you are able
but you're not able to right now
and i understand why
this ints because we don't love each other
or care about each other
and i'm emotionally intelligent enough to process the information that i have and trust that we will work together to fix it.
but i can't do that if i don't have all the information
an i can't do that if i can't talk to you.
you have to let me in
just like you expect me to let you in
and this is a lesson we have to continue to learn
so yes. i wanted to break up with you
yes. i thought i couldn't handle it anymore
yes. i am exhausted
but i'm not done
and that's what you need to trust in me
but i do need to feel like you're putting the same amount into this relationship
i can hold us together when i know what's going on
but not when you feel secure because i feel insecure.
not when i'm holding us together because you need to feel like we're fine
we can be fine
but you need to recognise what you're asking of me
when i'm buying you things you need it is to make your life easier. to make sure you're able to take care of yourself so that i don't have to fix it in crisis.
that's not where i'm at right now
i need to put my energy into taking care of myself
i'm not mad at you when you don't eat for 2 days
i know you can't help it
i'm worried about you because i know it will make it harder for you
but i get frustrated when i have to rush to fix it for you
we can have two different issues at the same time.
we just need to understand that
i'm not opposed to the belief that we argue over small things
but the small things feel bigger because we're not in the same place
and we dont communicate about it.
like what would i think your special occasion would be you dated for like 3 seconds but you can't handle my emotional reactions so you hide things from me and then i am reacting to more drama
i can tell you beautiful things i'm capable of communicating poetically but you wouldn't know because you don't listen to me
you literally don't understand anything that i'm saying you specifically overstep my boundaries and you take it personally when there are consequences.
and acting like i'm trying to create instability because it makes me more convertible because it's what i'm used to because i'm immature feels like a cop out.
if we don't work it is not because of small things
it is because of communication
i don't need everything to be perfect.
and it feels condescending when you act like i do