(no subject)
here's to peace and those that get in the way of it
so i have just been absolutely wrecked by my for you page
sending me shit like i intellectualize my feelings
and talking about moving when i feel abandoned
the reality is that i know i'm done whatever the fuck it is that i'm doing here
it's not working
I've isolated myself
i've pushed everyone way
or at least did not work to keep them here
and now i'm alone
and it's not a problem that i'm alone because i'm awesome
but i just think i would like someone else to feel that too
and for me to feel comfortable knowing that
i have spent all day avoiding doing things that i don't want to do
and trying to avoid doing things that are avoiding waht i don't want to do just to make myself feel bad
but maybe they would have felt better
like stretching my legs
and i just finished reading my horoscope
but I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER
is it make more friends
i can't do that
i don't do that
i can't feel comfortable letting someone in
i'm so uncomfortable trying new things
and i need to
but i just do not feel like i can keep living here
and that's why i feel so stuck
heres the thing
I want to go to the grocery store
but i don't want to spend money
but i don't actually need a lot at the grocery store
but know that as soon as i go I will want to buy a lot of things
and there will be a lot of choices
and that will stress me out
and i can later when i can actaully go with sarah
but i'm using this an excuse
if i spent less time worried about planning ahead
or trying to be perfect about the things i need
i'm just so bored
and if i just tried like one new thing i might be better
feel better
but i bet i have to try like 7 new things
i just cannot handle myself
i'm just sitting home alone AGAIn
not doing anything i need to do
or feel anything i need to feel
re-evaluate my priorities
ok actually that makes a lot of sense
i'm in a new phase of my life right now
but it still makes me fucking furious
i'm just so tired of thinking of myself.
but i feel so overwhelmed thinking about other people.