Jun 11, 2005 09:37
Ok so I have not been writting much... but today I just can't help it.
I'm graduating today from PSU. I know that I should be excited, but I'm just not. Whenever I think about it I start to tear up.
When I graduated from high school I was filled with all sorts of anticipation, and hope for all that was to come. Today though all I see is I'm going to have to be more responsible and depend on myself more, figure out what I do from here. and the only answer I have, no matter how much I tell myself I've really got it figured out, or that no matter what I will be all right.... I just feel lost and hopeless.
Oh yeah, and apparently Mom and Rick forgot that I told them about graduation FOREVER ago.... So they did not plan on attending. Today is also the Grand Floral Parade of the Rose Festival so downtown will SUCK all day, can't get anywhere.... and Bruce and Charlie are graduating from SWOCC, so it is not likely my parents would have come to the actual event even if they did remember.
At this point I'm going to go to graduation to take picture with the six other Alpha Chi's graduating, and I keep thinking that this will somehow make it all worthwhile. Like sometime when I look back at all of us in our black caps and gowns, with our long red A Chi O stoles, I might be tricked into thinking that it was a beautiful and joyful occasion..."Can't you just see all the hope and anticipation in our eyes...?"
Anyway, I forgot I was supposed to work today, have to call in sick. Also forgot that I need to buy something to wear.... (read forget as 'To disgusted to think about it')
Oh yeah, and I forgot to apply to one of my grad programs.... I'm on a great start to being a responsible adult!!!