SOIAF spoilers
SSPPOOIILLEERRSS saved for posterity
maggiekarp: dk write me a bedtime story
DK_: Selphie Tilmitt liked to eat the inner organs of fowls. She devoured with relish nutty gizzards and livers and loved nothing so much as an egg with a proper blood spot in, for in consuming life she felt more alive, and the younger the better. She died at age 45, after demanding that a sushi restauranteur give her "A Tako with some fight in it."
DK_: The octopus beaked out her eye as she struggled to devour it alive.
DK_: There you go
~~~
DK_: lmao
DK_: so Blind Guardian has gone from "basing lyrics on Tolkien" to "basing lyrics off everything"
Myshu: Heh, how so?
DK_: Apparently their album last year is all Elric, Game of Thones, Wheel of Time'in' it
maggiekarp: oh boy
DK_: "Rapehound"
DK_: (no I made that up)
maggiekarp: aw man :(
DK_: There's some overwrought thing about Bran seeing crow visions
DK_: aka most boring part of the book
maggiekarp: DK write The Mountain that Rhymes
DK_: Will have to cogitate to formulate proper beats
SaintNick: They already have The Mountain that Rhymes. His name is Reggie Watts.
DK_: But it will include the lines: "Bitches get killed cause they don't know their places/cuz yo/the mount burns bitches like he burns brothers' faces"
maggiekarp: yesssss
Myshu: haha
DK_: "Word, tis my homey Ser Amory Lorch/Fuckin' your hos puttin' homes to tha torch/Killin' Lommy Greenhands as a matter o'course/Wrecks peasant snatch like the Mount wrecks his horse."
Myshu: dayum, homie
maggiekarp: word
maggiekarp: you were missed
DK_: "Creep with me, as I roll through your town/Ticklin' all your ladies till they pants drop down/I hope you brought napkins cause we're seein' some spillage/Bitch best show my Tickler all the gold in her village"
DK_: (actually I'm pretty sure Polliver killed Lommy, not Ser Amory Lorch)
maggiekarp: (whatever)
DK_: Did Ser Amory Lorch ever get killed
Myshu: (You mean "whatev")
DK_: I know Polliver and the Tickler did
DK_: But Raff the Sweetling is still alive in Feast for Crows
DK_: Nope, he was fed to a bear by the Brave Companions
Myshu: So much for that
~~~
Myshu: Wait, Mozz--drawing?
Mozz: well "drawing"
Mozz: yes.
Mozz: every once in a while.
Myshu: Well, I gotta see this
Mozz: well if i can get it uploaded, you will
Mozz: first, gotta crop the image up to cut the character off at the shins so i can successfully avoid drawing feet
Myshu: The Liefeld Approach
Mozz: hee
Mozz: http://img853.imageshack.us/img853/2194/margery.jpg
Mozz: behold, the worst ASOIAF fanart in the world
maggiekarp: heehee
~~~
maggiekarp: dk write a story where the hound saves prom
DK_: Cindy Montgomery gasped as the scarred man pulled the crown from her head, shoving her into a flower arrangement casually. "They never gave the crown," he rasped, gesturing at the audience. "You took it." He turned to the gathered high schoolers. "I should've raped you and cut your throats rather than leaving you for this damn queen. Fuck."
DK_: He stalked off the stage, dropping the microphone. It hit the wood with a steel screech, reverberating throughout the gym. A deep silence fell. And then, Sansa began to clap slowly.
DK_: No one else joined in. After a moment, she stopped, feebly.
DK_: "I'm going to call the cops about your inappropriate relationship with Mr. The Hound," said Principal Robert.
DK_: The End
Mozz: XD
DK_: MK I'm gonna need visual representation of this
maggiekarp: yesssssssssssssssssssssss- wait shit
maggiekarp: but it's already perfect
Mozz: also since this is a modern adaptation
Mozz: Sansa and all her family have to wear Wolf T-shirts
PM) Mozz: at all times and to all functions
maggiekarp: hehehe
DK_: It's prom, maybe she could get away with Wolf Ears
Mozz: wolfskin dress
Mozz: "OMG YOU MADE LADY INTO A DRESS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH?"
Mozz: Arya all indignant, especially since prom sucks and is stupid anyway and she'd rather go to the skate park
Mozz: http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/9844/margery2.jpg
Mozz: there, maggie
Mozz: blond hair added via ms paint because i have no yellow penz
maggiekarp: heehee
---
maggiekarp: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/maggiekarp/poshul/gameofproms.png
~~~
maggiekarp: dk do you ship sansan
DK_: Well
DK_: In any modern context it's like super creepy as hell don't get me wrong but I like it when the characters interact
DK_: so I guess sorta
DK_: It ain't exactly a romantic thing but I hope they meet up again before the whole thing concludes
DK_: even though the Hound is like a sad monk now
Mozz: it's not the creepiest relationship with a man in sansa's life.
maggiekarp: i hope it's heartwarming
DK_: Yeah essentially I mean he's a horrible human being and all
Mozz: http://spoonybards.deviantart.com/gallery/26588899#/d2yto3j
DK_: But he doesn't actually hurt her and he tries to protect her from some of the worst people
DK_: So hey it could be worse (Littlefinger)
DK_: also 'pon rereading feast for crows
DK_: he makes Robert Arryn even more loathesome
DK_: Martin fucking HATES that kid
DK_: At one point he has to meet the lords and he starts throwing a tantrum
DK_: and has a hard seizure and pees himself
Mozz: my favorite bit about this fanart is still Littlefinger's Pedobear Cloak-Clasp
DK_: And Littlefinger's like "Jesus Christ, get this fucker out of here"
Mozz: also, because horrible things always happen to Sansa
Mozz: i bet she has to marry that little shit
Mozz: for a couple months anyway before littlefinger finishes poisoning him
DK_: http://spoonybards.deviantart.com/gallery/26588899#/d2z33qv
DK_: "JON. You DON'T want to sit at this table!"
Mozz: XD
Mozz: http://spoonybards.deviantart.com/gallery/26588899#/d2zneth
Mozz: Tommen: BIG EYED SMILE.
Mozz: myrcella: SAME BIG EYED SMILE
Mozz: joffrey: ....smile for the family portrait you little asshole.
maggiekarp: god dammit the one time I need livejournal and it's down
feem: you're aflive
Myshu: Wha'dya need it for?
feem: rape buxxx
maggiekarp: something embarassing
Myshu: Well, maybe somebody's lookin' out for ya, there
maggiekarp: best scene in da books
maggiekarp: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/maggiekarp/poshul/aaagh.png
Mozz: hee hee hee
Myshu: heh
DK_: haha, I barely remember it
DK_: that's near the end of Clash isn't it
DK_: Where like she starts singing a song at him in terror
maggiekarp: yeah
maggiekarp: but then in all the next books she's false remembering it
maggiekarp: all "man the hound was way better at kisses than this 8 year old" and "man the hound was way better at eating ass than littlefinger"
DK_: lmao eating ass
Mozz: so anyway the Tyrell's eventually figure out that Sansa isn't retarded, she's just scared shitless to speak honestly. and so the grandma instructs the bard to sing as loud as fuckign possible so they can have cover.
DK_: Hey man
Mozz: she basically tells him to BUMP THAT SHIT
DK_: The Hound
DK_: The Hound is the only guy who ever gets taken off Arya's list
DK_: Without gettin' killed
DK_: And don't be all "But she thought he was dead!"
DK_: Cause she forgets and leaves that motherfucker off while he's still alive
DK_: Hound: :smug:
Mozz: there's also another moment that's like -- Margery: "hmm Sansa you're not so bad. Hey would you like to come live with us instead of the lannisters?"
Mozz: OMG YES PLZ and
maggiekarp: dk you're the best writer, write horrible masturbatory fanfics for me where the hound and sanser get married
Mozz: "cool you can marry my brother."
maggiekarp: but then arya shows up and kills him to finish her list
Mozz: sansa all YAY LORAS IS SUCH A CUTIE I LOVE THAT IDEA
maggiekarp: because she's blind... to love
maggiekarp: but it's okay because sansa's havin puppies
Mozz: Marg: "lololololo no don't be stupid. you can marry my other crippled brother."
maggiekarp: Loras is goddamn dreamy
DK_: I think the story is written now
maggiekarp: cripplebro's pretty cute too
maggiekarp: he'd have a hard time raping her anyway
Mozz: yeah also it's still a hella better deal
Mozz: sansa so desperate to get out of that house.
DK_: "And now, my dear wolf-waifu..." the Hound growled, tilting her chin up. "Who it's not creepy for me to be marrying because we didn't meet again until you were eighteen and anyway these are different sexual mores so I wouldn't even be thinking this way but whatever - I'm so glad you melted my heart of ice with love."
Mozz: and just when she starts to look forward to that the lannisters are all
maggiekarp: DK write a story where Micah is Joffrey and gets poisoned so Sanshu can get out of that house
Mozz: "okay sansa we decided you're marrying Tyrion now. Problem?"
Mozz: :trollface:
***maggiekarp SWOON
DK_: Sansa swooned. The wedding feast was lovely. Even Rickon was there, clapping fiercely with all his feral might. (Because his mom was Osha and his dad was Shaggydog for like ten years he was all messed up but she still loved him and invited him to her wedding)
maggiekarp: d'aww
maggiekarp: (make sure jaime catches the bouquet it's not a time appropriate custom but come on)
Mozz: no
DK_: The crowd was radiant, and behind them, Winterfell was rising, reconstructed by doughty northern laborers. A pair of beaming servants pushed a cart near. On it was the celebratory wedding pie, from whence doves, not ravens, would fly, celebrating their union. Her husband was the most beautiful man on earth, Sansa decided. Almost as beautiful in this moment as
Mozz: Jamie REACHES for the boquet
Mozz: but drops it
DK_: when he had made Littlefinger eat his own penis.
Mozz: because naturally he reaches for it with his right arm.
Mozz: WAH WAH WAH WAH
maggiekarp: yessssssss
DK_: The Houndsband smiled in a way that was not at all ghastly and drew his sword. Once, it had killed a butcher's boy, but now it was known as Cakesplitter. With a flourish, he opened the pie.
maggiekarp: THE HOUNDSBAND
maggiekarp: CAKESPLITTER
maggiekarp: YEEEEE
Mozz: "Mawwwaige," Maester Pycell intoned.
Mozz: "Twu Wuve."
Mozz: "Twuwy the nowbwest of institutions in all the wowld."
DK_: "Wildcard, bitches," a gravelly voice said. From the depths of the pie, wet with filling like afterbirth, a grim shadow stood, a sword in each hand. "Wildcard." Arya leapt from the pie in a windmill of steel, stabbing the Houndsband in the face and eyes a dozen times before she hit the ground. Turning smoothly, she hurled a blade, spitting Jaime Lannister's
Mozz: (this is a spiritual sequel to A Game Of Lisps.)
DK_: throat.
Mozz: YES
maggiekarp: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
DK_: "ARRRRYAAAAAAAA," Sansa shrieked as her sister leapt into the air, killing Margaery Tyrell with a spinning dragon kick. "You're RUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINING IT!"
maggiekarp: (YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS)
Mozz: "VALAR MORGHULIS MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ"
DK_: "I HATE!" Arya screamed, severing Podrick Payne's head with a slash. "YOUR STUPID" She kicked the malformed Loras in the balls so hard he vomited. "SONGS AND STORIES AND SEWINGS AND WEDDINGS"
DK_: Rickon kept clapping, oblivious. Clapping while Arya killed them all. Clapping when Samwell's eye landed in his lap with a wet plop. Clapping, clapping.
DK_: It was a happy day for Rickon.
DK_: The End
Mozz: "HERE'S MY NEEDLEWORK SEPTA!" she stabbed the old matron a dozen times with her first sword."
***maggiekarp clapping like rickon^hodor
Mozz: "HOW YOU LIKE MY NEEDLEWORK NOW BITCH."
maggiekarp: dk repost that on ff.net and call it The Rickoning
DK_: Meanwhile, at the Wall...
DK_: "I can't break my vows," Jon Snow said. "And plus you're my aunt." "Well," Danaerys said, shrugging as she straddled him. "Feel free to get that boner out of my uterus at any time, Mister Can't Fuck My Aunt."
DK_: "Maybe tomorrow," Jon said.
Mozz: Samwell howled in pain as his urine froze midstream, froze inside his urethra, pinning him where he stood on the rampart.
DK_: The End of the Epilogue
maggiekarp: YESSSSS
Mozz: too late he remembered...
Mozz: "The Wall Defends Itself."
Mozz: Dany all taunting Jon's inability to "wake the dragon" with those half-hearted thrusts.
maggiekarp: the dragons watch
Myshu: smooth criminal http://i.imgur.com/HsbAA.gif
DK_: "You're terrible at this. It's like you got your fuck training from humping some snaggle toothed savage."
DK_: "...:("
maggiekarp: you know nothing jon snow ;_;
DK_: "I won't sire a bastard, Dany! I won't!"
DK_: "I already told you a witch seared my uterus. Do you think I'm making this up?"
DK_: "I have to be sure"
DK_: "Well then shove off. I'm not keeping this up, my asshole's seen more traffic this week than the Mud Gate."
Mozz: "Winter is coming, Jon. I'm Not. Step it up!"
maggiekarp: I like sassy Dany
maggiekarp: Daenersass
DK_: "Look, even your direwolf has figured this out." Horrified, Jon looks out the window and sees Ghost and Drogon having sex.
DK_: "Ghost-sama... why are you the catcher!!!!!?!" *existential angst*
DK_: This is terrible.
DK_: I'm terrible.
DK_: why
DK_: why does Jon call him Ghost-sama
maggiekarp: dk do they have mules
DK_: Nah they're both dudes
Mozz: Ancester Stark Was the King Who Knelt to hte targaryens
Mozz: this generation will be the King who Bent Over
maggiekarp: dragons are HERMAPHRODITES DK
maggiekarp: GOD
DK_: Listen, I don't blame Dany for being sassy
Mozz: DWAGGINS
DK_: Jon's gotten quite uppity since stannis offered him winterfell
DK_: Whenever Dany blows him he refers to it as "Putting the King in the North"
DK_: "Maybe if there was a King in the South a little more often I'd be in a better mood!"
Mozz: hee hee hee
DK_: MK draw something inspired by this
DK_: any of this
Mozz: well Sassy Daneyrs is reminding me of Asshole Terra who put her cigarettes out on moogles
Mozz: there Is A Way
maggiekarp: but I'm getting sleepy :L
Myshu: Heh, I think I still have that moogle ash tray pic
---
maggiekarp: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/maggiekarp/poshul/thebestpart.png
DK_: lmaoooooo
DK_: Ghost is LOVIN' it
DK_: Drogon was railing on his beloved direwolf, his savior, like an engine made of fuck. Jon Snow was shattered.
maggiekarp: how does jon snow know what an engine is
DK_: Maester Aemon told him about Old Valyria's steampunk technology
maggiekarp: awesome
DK_: or rather he told Sam about it while Sam was changing his Targdiaper and Sam told Jon
DK_: A Targdiaper is a sealskin clout pon which the words DRAGONS OWN have been embroidered
maggiekarp: of course
~~~
Mozz: http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/9550/theon.jpg
maggiekarp: dk write me a bedtime story
DK_: Selphie Tilmitt liked to eat the inner organs of fowls. She devoured with relish nutty gizzards and livers and loved nothing so much as an egg with a proper blood spot in, for in consuming life she felt more alive, and the younger the better. She died at age 45, after demanding that a sushi restauranteur give her "A Tako with some fight in it."
DK_: The octopus beaked out her eye as she struggled to devour it alive.
DK_: There you go
~~~
DK_: lmao
DK_: so Blind Guardian has gone from "basing lyrics on Tolkien" to "basing lyrics off everything"
Myshu: Heh, how so?
DK_: Apparently their album last year is all Elric, Game of Thones, Wheel of Time'in' it
maggiekarp: oh boy
DK_: "Rapehound"
DK_: (no I made that up)
maggiekarp: aw man :(
DK_: There's some overwrought thing about Bran seeing crow visions
DK_: aka most boring part of the book
maggiekarp: DK write The Mountain that Rhymes
DK_: Will have to cogitate to formulate proper beats
SaintNick: They already have The Mountain that Rhymes. His name is Reggie Watts.
DK_: But it will include the lines: "Bitches get killed cause they don't know their places/cuz yo/the mount burns bitches like he burns brothers' faces"
maggiekarp: yesssss
Myshu: haha
DK_: "Word, tis my homey Ser Amory Lorch/Fuckin' your hos puttin' homes to tha torch/Killin' Lommy Greenhands as a matter o'course/Wrecks peasant snatch like the Mount wrecks his horse."
Myshu: dayum, homie
maggiekarp: word
maggiekarp: you were missed
DK_: "Creep with me, as I roll through your town/Ticklin' all your ladies till they pants drop down/I hope you brought napkins cause we're seein' some spillage/Bitch best show my Tickler all the gold in her village"
DK_: (actually I'm pretty sure Polliver killed Lommy, not Ser Amory Lorch)
maggiekarp: (whatever)
DK_: Did Ser Amory Lorch ever get killed
Myshu: (You mean "whatev")
DK_: I know Polliver and the Tickler did
DK_: But Raff the Sweetling is still alive in Feast for Crows
DK_: Nope, he was fed to a bear by the Brave Companions
Myshu: So much for that
~~~
Myshu: Wait, Mozz--drawing?
Mozz: well "drawing"
Mozz: yes.
Mozz: every once in a while.
Myshu: Well, I gotta see this
Mozz: well if i can get it uploaded, you will
Mozz: first, gotta crop the image up to cut the character off at the shins so i can successfully avoid drawing feet
Myshu: The Liefeld Approach
Mozz: hee
Mozz: http://img853.imageshack.us/img853/2194/margery.jpg
Mozz: behold, the worst ASOIAF fanart in the world
maggiekarp: heehee
~~~
maggiekarp: dk write a story where the hound saves prom
DK_: Cindy Montgomery gasped as the scarred man pulled the crown from her head, shoving her into a flower arrangement casually. "They never gave the crown," he rasped, gesturing at the audience. "You took it." He turned to the gathered high schoolers. "I should've raped you and cut your throats rather than leaving you for this damn queen. Fuck."
DK_: He stalked off the stage, dropping the microphone. It hit the wood with a steel screech, reverberating throughout the gym. A deep silence fell. And then, Sansa began to clap slowly.
DK_: No one else joined in. After a moment, she stopped, feebly.
DK_: "I'm going to call the cops about your inappropriate relationship with Mr. The Hound," said Principal Robert.
DK_: The End
Mozz: XD
DK_: MK I'm gonna need visual representation of this
maggiekarp: yesssssssssssssssssssssss- wait shit
maggiekarp: but it's already perfect
Mozz: also since this is a modern adaptation
Mozz: Sansa and all her family have to wear Wolf T-shirts
PM) Mozz: at all times and to all functions
maggiekarp: hehehe
DK_: It's prom, maybe she could get away with Wolf Ears
Mozz: wolfskin dress
Mozz: "OMG YOU MADE LADY INTO A DRESS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BITCH?"
Mozz: Arya all indignant, especially since prom sucks and is stupid anyway and she'd rather go to the skate park
Mozz: http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/9844/margery2.jpg
Mozz: there, maggie
Mozz: blond hair added via ms paint because i have no yellow penz
maggiekarp: heehee
---
maggiekarp: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/maggiekarp/poshul/gameofproms.png
~~~
maggiekarp: dk do you ship sansan
DK_: Well
DK_: In any modern context it's like super creepy as hell don't get me wrong but I like it when the characters interact
DK_: so I guess sorta
DK_: It ain't exactly a romantic thing but I hope they meet up again before the whole thing concludes
DK_: even though the Hound is like a sad monk now
Mozz: it's not the creepiest relationship with a man in sansa's life.
maggiekarp: i hope it's heartwarming
DK_: Yeah essentially I mean he's a horrible human being and all
Mozz: http://spoonybards.deviantart.com/gallery/26588899#/d2yto3j
DK_: But he doesn't actually hurt her and he tries to protect her from some of the worst people
DK_: So hey it could be worse (Littlefinger)
DK_: also 'pon rereading feast for crows
DK_: he makes Robert Arryn even more loathesome
DK_: Martin fucking HATES that kid
DK_: At one point he has to meet the lords and he starts throwing a tantrum
DK_: and has a hard seizure and pees himself
Mozz: my favorite bit about this fanart is still Littlefinger's Pedobear Cloak-Clasp
DK_: And Littlefinger's like "Jesus Christ, get this fucker out of here"
Mozz: also, because horrible things always happen to Sansa
Mozz: i bet she has to marry that little shit
Mozz: for a couple months anyway before littlefinger finishes poisoning him
DK_: http://spoonybards.deviantart.com/gallery/26588899#/d2z33qv
DK_: "JON. You DON'T want to sit at this table!"
Mozz: XD
Mozz: http://spoonybards.deviantart.com/gallery/26588899#/d2zneth
Mozz: Tommen: BIG EYED SMILE.
Mozz: myrcella: SAME BIG EYED SMILE
Mozz: joffrey: ....smile for the family portrait you little asshole.
maggiekarp: god dammit the one time I need livejournal and it's down
feem: you're aflive
Myshu: Wha'dya need it for?
feem: rape buxxx
maggiekarp: something embarassing
Myshu: Well, maybe somebody's lookin' out for ya, there
maggiekarp: best scene in da books
maggiekarp: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/maggiekarp/poshul/aaagh.png
Mozz: hee hee hee
Myshu: heh
DK_: haha, I barely remember it
DK_: that's near the end of Clash isn't it
DK_: Where like she starts singing a song at him in terror
maggiekarp: yeah
maggiekarp: but then in all the next books she's false remembering it
maggiekarp: all "man the hound was way better at kisses than this 8 year old" and "man the hound was way better at eating ass than littlefinger"
DK_: lmao eating ass
Mozz: so anyway the Tyrell's eventually figure out that Sansa isn't retarded, she's just scared shitless to speak honestly. and so the grandma instructs the bard to sing as loud as fuckign possible so they can have cover.
DK_: Hey man
Mozz: she basically tells him to BUMP THAT SHIT
DK_: The Hound
DK_: The Hound is the only guy who ever gets taken off Arya's list
DK_: Without gettin' killed
DK_: And don't be all "But she thought he was dead!"
DK_: Cause she forgets and leaves that motherfucker off while he's still alive
DK_: Hound: :smug:
Mozz: there's also another moment that's like -- Margery: "hmm Sansa you're not so bad. Hey would you like to come live with us instead of the lannisters?"
Mozz: OMG YES PLZ and
maggiekarp: dk you're the best writer, write horrible masturbatory fanfics for me where the hound and sanser get married
Mozz: "cool you can marry my brother."
maggiekarp: but then arya shows up and kills him to finish her list
Mozz: sansa all YAY LORAS IS SUCH A CUTIE I LOVE THAT IDEA
maggiekarp: because she's blind... to love
maggiekarp: but it's okay because sansa's havin puppies
Mozz: Marg: "lololololo no don't be stupid. you can marry my other crippled brother."
maggiekarp: Loras is goddamn dreamy
DK_: I think the story is written now
maggiekarp: cripplebro's pretty cute too
maggiekarp: he'd have a hard time raping her anyway
Mozz: yeah also it's still a hella better deal
Mozz: sansa so desperate to get out of that house.
DK_: "And now, my dear wolf-waifu..." the Hound growled, tilting her chin up. "Who it's not creepy for me to be marrying because we didn't meet again until you were eighteen and anyway these are different sexual mores so I wouldn't even be thinking this way but whatever - I'm so glad you melted my heart of ice with love."
Mozz: and just when she starts to look forward to that the lannisters are all
maggiekarp: DK write a story where Micah is Joffrey and gets poisoned so Sanshu can get out of that house
Mozz: "okay sansa we decided you're marrying Tyrion now. Problem?"
Mozz: :trollface:
***maggiekarp SWOON
DK_: Sansa swooned. The wedding feast was lovely. Even Rickon was there, clapping fiercely with all his feral might. (Because his mom was Osha and his dad was Shaggydog for like ten years he was all messed up but she still loved him and invited him to her wedding)
maggiekarp: d'aww
maggiekarp: (make sure jaime catches the bouquet it's not a time appropriate custom but come on)
Mozz: no
DK_: The crowd was radiant, and behind them, Winterfell was rising, reconstructed by doughty northern laborers. A pair of beaming servants pushed a cart near. On it was the celebratory wedding pie, from whence doves, not ravens, would fly, celebrating their union. Her husband was the most beautiful man on earth, Sansa decided. Almost as beautiful in this moment as
Mozz: Jamie REACHES for the boquet
Mozz: but drops it
DK_: when he had made Littlefinger eat his own penis.
Mozz: because naturally he reaches for it with his right arm.
Mozz: WAH WAH WAH WAH
maggiekarp: yessssssss
DK_: The Houndsband smiled in a way that was not at all ghastly and drew his sword. Once, it had killed a butcher's boy, but now it was known as Cakesplitter. With a flourish, he opened the pie.
maggiekarp: THE HOUNDSBAND
maggiekarp: CAKESPLITTER
maggiekarp: YEEEEE
Mozz: "Mawwwaige," Maester Pycell intoned.
Mozz: "Twu Wuve."
Mozz: "Twuwy the nowbwest of institutions in all the wowld."
DK_: "Wildcard, bitches," a gravelly voice said. From the depths of the pie, wet with filling like afterbirth, a grim shadow stood, a sword in each hand. "Wildcard." Arya leapt from the pie in a windmill of steel, stabbing the Houndsband in the face and eyes a dozen times before she hit the ground. Turning smoothly, she hurled a blade, spitting Jaime Lannister's
Mozz: (this is a spiritual sequel to A Game Of Lisps.)
DK_: throat.
Mozz: YES
maggiekarp: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
DK_: "ARRRRYAAAAAAAA," Sansa shrieked as her sister leapt into the air, killing Margaery Tyrell with a spinning dragon kick. "You're RUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINING IT!"
maggiekarp: (YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS)
Mozz: "VALAR MORGHULIS MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ"
DK_: "I HATE!" Arya screamed, severing Podrick Payne's head with a slash. "YOUR STUPID" She kicked the malformed Loras in the balls so hard he vomited. "SONGS AND STORIES AND SEWINGS AND WEDDINGS"
DK_: Rickon kept clapping, oblivious. Clapping while Arya killed them all. Clapping when Samwell's eye landed in his lap with a wet plop. Clapping, clapping.
DK_: It was a happy day for Rickon.
DK_: The End
Mozz: "HERE'S MY NEEDLEWORK SEPTA!" she stabbed the old matron a dozen times with her first sword."
***maggiekarp clapping like rickon^hodor
Mozz: "HOW YOU LIKE MY NEEDLEWORK NOW BITCH."
maggiekarp: dk repost that on ff.net and call it The Rickoning
DK_: Meanwhile, at the Wall...
DK_: "I can't break my vows," Jon Snow said. "And plus you're my aunt." "Well," Danaerys said, shrugging as she straddled him. "Feel free to get that boner out of my uterus at any time, Mister Can't Fuck My Aunt."
DK_: "Maybe tomorrow," Jon said.
Mozz: Samwell howled in pain as his urine froze midstream, froze inside his urethra, pinning him where he stood on the rampart.
DK_: The End of the Epilogue
maggiekarp: YESSSSS
Mozz: too late he remembered...
Mozz: "The Wall Defends Itself."
Mozz: Dany all taunting Jon's inability to "wake the dragon" with those half-hearted thrusts.
maggiekarp: the dragons watch
Myshu: smooth criminal http://i.imgur.com/HsbAA.gif
DK_: "You're terrible at this. It's like you got your fuck training from humping some snaggle toothed savage."
DK_: "...:("
maggiekarp: you know nothing jon snow ;_;
DK_: "I won't sire a bastard, Dany! I won't!"
DK_: "I already told you a witch seared my uterus. Do you think I'm making this up?"
DK_: "I have to be sure"
DK_: "Well then shove off. I'm not keeping this up, my asshole's seen more traffic this week than the Mud Gate."
Mozz: "Winter is coming, Jon. I'm Not. Step it up!"
maggiekarp: I like sassy Dany
maggiekarp: Daenersass
DK_: "Look, even your direwolf has figured this out." Horrified, Jon looks out the window and sees Ghost and Drogon having sex.
DK_: "Ghost-sama... why are you the catcher!!!!!?!" *existential angst*
DK_: This is terrible.
DK_: I'm terrible.
DK_: why
DK_: why does Jon call him Ghost-sama
maggiekarp: dk do they have mules
DK_: Nah they're both dudes
Mozz: Ancester Stark Was the King Who Knelt to hte targaryens
Mozz: this generation will be the King who Bent Over
maggiekarp: dragons are HERMAPHRODITES DK
maggiekarp: GOD
DK_: Listen, I don't blame Dany for being sassy
Mozz: DWAGGINS
DK_: Jon's gotten quite uppity since stannis offered him winterfell
DK_: Whenever Dany blows him he refers to it as "Putting the King in the North"
DK_: "Maybe if there was a King in the South a little more often I'd be in a better mood!"
Mozz: hee hee hee
DK_: MK draw something inspired by this
DK_: any of this
Mozz: well Sassy Daneyrs is reminding me of Asshole Terra who put her cigarettes out on moogles
Mozz: there Is A Way
maggiekarp: but I'm getting sleepy :L
Myshu: Heh, I think I still have that moogle ash tray pic
---
maggiekarp: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v203/maggiekarp/poshul/thebestpart.png
DK_: lmaoooooo
DK_: Ghost is LOVIN' it
DK_: Drogon was railing on his beloved direwolf, his savior, like an engine made of fuck. Jon Snow was shattered.
maggiekarp: how does jon snow know what an engine is
DK_: Maester Aemon told him about Old Valyria's steampunk technology
maggiekarp: awesome
DK_: or rather he told Sam about it while Sam was changing his Targdiaper and Sam told Jon
DK_: A Targdiaper is a sealskin clout pon which the words DRAGONS OWN have been embroidered
maggiekarp: of course
~~~
Mozz: http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/9550/theon.jpg
