i'm standing here on the ground. the sky above won't fall down...
I was having a conversation w/ matt about stuff yesterday kinda like this i'm about to write.
I'm so frustrated being here for another year. I just feel like I should be leaving everything behind me now. To deal for another year with the same stuff I have been dealing with is going to be so annoying. People are ignorant and don't even know who I am at all. They don't want to know I'm different than I used to be when I was younger. It's actually really scary. There are few people who know who I am. In some ways, I guess I'll look back on all this and say that it was good that I never had many solid friendships at Lake George, because I'll have nothing to miss. In a lot of my friendships I feel like there was always something wrong that shouldn't have been there. But I will miss some people. I could probably count them on two hands, but there are some kids who really are awesome and that I can't forget. And then there are those who were "too good" to know me or whatever.
This is kind of dumb but for any of you who do watch the TV show Degrassi: The Next Generation, there is an episode where Ashley says something like "These are supposed to be the best years of our lives, but for me it's been one disaster after another."... I feel like that so describes my whole highschool experience. there was 911 and all the shit i felt about that, my uncle dying, my grandma, beaner, alexis' unexpected death which spiraled me back into some regrets and nostalgia, some guys that were jerkish, the stuff that happened a couple months ago, everything. Everything just seems to have been a disaster for me. There are good times but a lot of major majorly bad things have prevented me from enjoying stuff like that. Whoever said highschool was supposed to be the best years of our lives must have been a) smoking crack or b) a popular kid. Because honestly as a kid I had more good times than in highschool and i'll have better times in college than I have in lake george. i just want to go to a place where new people have to learn my name (it's maggie by the way, for all you dumbfucks who still don't get it) and get to know me the way i really am... NOT the image people have carried of me since elementary school that has changed but not changed in people's heads.
whatever. i just don't want to hold out another year.